Ever found yourself locked in a fierce battle over a Ludo board, ruthlessly plotting your next move? If you are one of those who strategise carefully, yelling ‘cut them off, cut them off’, as your path to victory is filled with mercilessly knocking your opponents out of the game, you might just be a tad competitive.
Well, we all love the competitive edge, provided you don’t upturn the board game in angst (cough, cough, we all know someone who has done that). Nevertheless, competitive spirit is natural, but it can quickly shift from friendly fun to office foe when the stakes rise.
Healthy versus unhealthy competition
Well, what’s wrong with wanting to win, you wonder?
The truth is that the path from healthy ambition to harmful competition can be a slippery slope. Robert Chandler, a Dubai-based psychologist, explains the psychology of competitiveness. “A healthy competition encourages people to be the best that they can be. It allows for growth, achievement, and build a sense of self-worth,” he says. You would rather focus on improving yourself than defeating others, acknowledging and appreciating their strengths, and congratulating them on a job well done. Moreover, there is a strong sense of enthusiasm and determination: You want to win, but the focus is more on effort and improvement, rather than crushing someone else. There’s fair play, and ethical conduct that is followed.
However, when the desire to win overshadows everything else, these principles go for a toss, as he says. For example, healthy competition is when you want a certain promotion, as you have been working hard for it. However, if you backstab your colleague, or create problems for them so that your path is clear, that’s a sign of a toxic, unhealthy work environment. There are many signs of unhealthy competitive behaviour, some subtle, and some perhaps a little too glaring. Suchitra Desai, an Abu Dhabi-based marketing professional shares her experience as an example: Her close friend and colleague once withheld crucial market research data insights from the rest of the team during a particularly difficult project. “It came as such a shock to me,” remembers Desai. “She did it so that she could impress the manager with her own independent insights, which somehow weakened the team’s effort entirely,” she says. Needless to say, as Desai adds, this approach completely backfired and whole task was declared a failure.
Victory can be just bitter
Why can’t we celebrate success without crushing someone else’s toes?
Ahana Bhatnagar, a Dubai-based psychologist says, victories built on questionable ethics are hollow triumphs. When a person does whatever is necessary to win, it leads to unethical or antisocial behaviour, involving manipulating behaviours. “A person exhibiting overtly competitive behaviour may lack a fundamental and intrinsic sense of self-worth, and instead relies on external success, accolades and achievements to maintain a sense of being enough. Maintaining the false sense of self-worth can be exhausting for the person and be harmful to others around them, ” says Chandler.
So how do these different toxic patterns of competitive behaviour manifest? Well, as Bhatnagar explains, if someone intentionally sabotages your work, withholds crucial information from you, or claims ownership of ideas and accomplishments, these are clear signs that you are dealing with a case of competitiveness gone too far. Moreover, when an over-competitive colleague elevates themselves, this causes a questioning of your own self-esteem as you see that they are ‘ahead’. And so, you feel defeated. “You feel annoyed, frustrated or irritated by their behaviour and you don’t wish to work alongside them on tasks and projects,” he says.
A person exhibiting overtly competitive behaviour may lack a fundamental and intrinsic sense of self-worth, and instead relies on external success, accolades and achievements to maintain a sense of being enough. Maintaining the false sense of self-worth can be exhausting for the person and be harmful to others around them...
Sometimes, it’s all about perception too: A person, who naturally suffers from lower self-esteem might see someone else as trying to outdo them, when they aren’t actually trying to do so, as Bhatnagar explains. Danielle Thayer, a British Dubai-based marketing professional has her own recollections in this regard: Her team member was completely sure that Thayer was always trying to compete with her and keep information from her. “I kept her informed about all opportunities and projects, and she used to still find fault with me, creating scenes publicly,” remembers Thayer. “That was a miserable and unsavoury experience as she used to keep calling me competitive. This just left me exhausted, and I finally iced her out.”
Toxicity breeds toxicity
These behaviours just diminish morale, reduce productivity and turnover. Worse, it can bring out an unhealthy competitive side in a non-competitive person too, says Bhatnagar. “If someone keeps trying to push you down, some people fight back by putting pressure on themselves to exceed and out-manoeuvre them. It’s a recipe for depression, exhaustion and chronic anxiety,” she says. Not only do these patterns affect the person, it also fractures the team dynamics and destabilises relationships, creating a rather emotionally draining work environment.
Being pitted against co-workers can be stressful, and instead of reacting with innovation and creativity, employees may end up feeling anxious and threatened, which affects their mental health too...
As Anne Jackson, a Dubai-based psychotherapist and life coach explains, focusing on something we 'don’t' have and fearing that someone else may win or take it from us can lead us into 'tunnel vision, where all we can think of is our unmet needs. "This fear- based competition ends up limiting our ability to solve problems, to hold information and to reason logically, or plan, or focus," she says. Worse, this feeling is fuelled in a hyper-competitive work culture that emphasizes outperforming colleagues—a 'be the best, beat the rest' mentality—fostering negative emotions such as discouragement, bitterness, distrust, and envy. "Being pitted against co-workers can be stressful, and instead of reacting with innovation and creativity, employees may end up feeling anxious and threatened, which affects their mental health too," she says.
What research says
It’s not just anecdotal evidence, research proves it too: Unhealthy competition can have disastrous effects on your mental health. According to a 2011 US-based study published in the academic journal Psychology, hypercompetitive individuals were far more impatient and irritable than others.
They had higher self-reported problems, including heart disease. This followed another 1994 study, which found that that excessively competitive people had lower self-esteem, and higher rates of anxiety and depression than others. In short, the research attempted to show such people as in need of constant validation, which they seek through a round of social activities, which inevitably causes them to lose sight of their goal and feel perpetually dissatisfied.
So, how do you handle your competitive nature?
Well, if you’re trying to tame your own competitive nature first, Bhatnagar has some ideas. She asks, “If your competitive drive is fueled by fear or negativity, it's time for a mindset shift. Instead of focusing on dominating others, ask yourself: What positive emotions can I associate with this challenge? Shifting your perspective can transform competition from a stressful ordeal to an exciting opportunity for growth.” Observe the language you use around competition: How often do you use the word ‘I’ and ‘me’? Strive for passion, possibility and teamwork, while slowly shedding terms like fear, victory and glory. Keep your goals in mind; set clear objectives.
You should work on surpassing yourself, not others, as psychologists remind. “Healthy competition is about personal growth and achievement, not defeating others. By channeling your competitive spirit effectively, you can unlock your full potential,” adds Bhatnagar.
How to deal with competitive colleagues
Yes, let’s try to overcome that nagging desire to one-up a colleague who is trying to do the same to us.
As April Kearns, a Dubai-based Human Resources manager, highlights, “Something to consider with competitive employees, is not only that they might rub other employees the wrong way and create a tense environment, but also how well competitive employees handle setbacks. Their mental health is just as important, so it is important that is offered to everyone,” she says. It is important to foster an environment where there senior management can lead, encourage and communicate with empathy too, by modelling empathetic behaviours so that people feel heard and seen.
So, when it comes to dealing with overtly competitive colleagues, the managers need to have regular personal interactions with them, especially if they’ve observed some friction, or if they’ve played a role in any tense situation recently. “It could also be worth considering giving mentorship responsibilities to highly competitive employees. This provides an opportunity for them to channel their passion into helping other employee’s growth their confidence,” adds Kearns.
Something to consider with competitive employees, is not only that they might rub other employees the wrong way and create a tense environment, but also how well competitive employees handle setbacks. Their mental health is just as important
If employees are stressed about an overtly competitive colleague, first, try and respond from a place of empathy. “Think about why they might conduct themselves in this way. Work on extending kindness in your interactions, in the hope that your behaviour rubs off on them. If it is something that is really affecting your happiness at work, you should seek support either from your manager, Human Resources or a mentor - talking these issues out with trusted people,” she says.
What organisations need to do
Jackson explains how the management can dilute this sense of prevailing unhealthy competition. It is important to have management that sets career goals, which employees can track in real time. You need to get feedback about your job performance, compared to previous efforts, she says. Jackson also suggests the idea of 'gamification'. "Gamification can help make workplace competition fun without pitting employees against each other, challenging employees to beat their personal goals and top their previous performance. This type of competition can encourage employees to step up without having to publicly outdo the competition," she says.
Carina Harvey, a Dubai-based wellness mentor shares a few essential tips:
Combating negative competitiveness:
• Understand employees’ individual motivations for their competitive edge to channel the positive.
• Focus on the outcomes, the experiences, and the opportunities for growth and learning, not just financial or other targeted results.
• Empower people to share and distribute their strengths and to teach others.
How to inspire constructive competitiveness:
• Give people a platform to be competitive within a small and equal group, ensuring there is visibility and fair competition.
• Set targets realistic to avoid too much pressure and potentially, unscrupulous behaviours.
• Determine who works best in a competitive culture and who doesn’t, ensuring everyone can contribute and operate in an environment best suited to them.
