Breakup on a budget: Ditch the retail spending and heal your wallet too

Some take it a step further. On the other hand, Neal Sen, a Dubai-based entrepreneur confesses that he decided to attempt a solo travel trip around Europe, only to realise that he was left with a shoestring budget for the rest of the year. “I could have done without this kind of expensive soul-searching,” he says, rather morosely. Some thought that excessive spending could be a form of retaliation, by splurging on items that their partner didn’t like, for example Dubai-based Meghna Ghosh, who bought a cuckoo clock, just because her former partner never wanted one in the house. Another Dubai-based media professional who prefers to remain anonymous determinedly bought a second guitar, as his partner “disliked his constant strumming and thought he did nothing else”. “I spent a good chunk of my savings on it, and now I can’t stand the sight of it,” he admits.

‘Revenge spending’

‘Revenge breakup spending’ as it is often called, is a specific type of revenge spending triggered by the emotional turmoil of a breakup. It's that urge to buy things you don't necessarily need, often to numb the pain or project an image of "moving on”, explains Saleha Menon, a Dubai-based clinical psychologist. “A breakup triggers feelings of sadness, anger and fury. So people take to it, as a desire to prove something to themselves, and to their partners. So, they spend on items that are luxurious, which can lead to debt. Ultimately, it leaves you feeling worse, as the euphoria of buying something so expensive, fades away,” she says.

A quick fix

There’s an overpowering sense of grief, when a relationship ends. A breakup can rattle our self-esteem, confidence and our sense of self, as psychologists explain. So, in order to make ourselves feel better about the situation, we indulge in behaviour such as excessive spending.

“Retail therapy after a breakup is one of the quick fixes people use to deal with emotional stress,” explains Vedrana Mladina, a clinical psychologist and associate director of counseling at New York University, Abu Dhabi. “It’s a compensatory behavior, with which they try to fill the void and loss caused by the breakup. These purchases, or expenditures can be soothing and distracting from the pain,” she says.

“We feel good in that moment when we spend,” says Firdous Mohamed, a psychologist based at the Nafsology Psychology Center, Dubai. “It gives us a rush of dopamine, which temporarily fills the void that your partner left,” she says. In order to keep holding on to this feeling, we keep doing it again: We tend to enter a cycle, from which it is hard to exit.

Retail therapy is a compensatory behaviour, with which people try to fill the void and loss caused by the breakup. These purchases, or expenditures can be soothing and distracting from the pain...

- Vedrana Mladina, clinical psychologist and associate director of counseling at New York University, Abu Dhabi

These kind of quick fixes, serve as an immediate pain relief, but it is not a permanent solution, adds Mladina. “The immediate gratification we get from spending money on ourselves, or treating ourselves with something good effectively, and momentarily replaces the negative feelings. It alleviates the struggle in a short term. It’s like an escape, like a quick break from the harsh reality,” she says.

Yet, it’s only an escape: We have to return to reality, eventually.

Regaining control, but not through spending

Many of these purchases stem from a desire for control, especially after a rough breakup, explains Menon. The emotional sting fuels a need to "cope" in any way possible, and excessive shopping becomes a tempting solution. Menon clarifies, "This anger over lost control can lead us to seek control elsewhere. We might believe a spa day, haircut, or expensive vacation will fill the void, but these are temporary fixes."

The path to empowerment, lies elsewhere. Menon advises hitting pause before swiping the card. "Focus on what you truly need," she urges. "Fancy clothes and solo trips might seem appealing, but will they actually help your healing? Could they lead to future financial strain?"

You can also set a budget where you put aside a ‘fun fund’. This allows you a sense of control over your extra spending, while ensuring you meet all of your responsibilities such as paying your bills and contributing to your savings....

- Firdous Mohammed, psychologist based at the Nafsology Psychology Center, Dubai

Instead of impulsive spending, Menon suggests first processing your emotions. "You can have the most stunning wardrobe, but that won't heal you. In fact, excessive spending can worsen the emptiness, especially if it leads to debt."

As she emphasises, "Tracking your spending will reveal overspending and a neglect of your well-being. During this emotionally turbulent patch, your budget can be a source of control, not regret.”

How to budget well after a relationship ends

Well, start by creating a budget, and keep reviewing it, suggest the psychologists.

Keep it simple, says Menon. If you make it complex, you’ll lose interest in trying to maintain it. Acknowledging that it is difficult to keep track of emotional spending, the real success story is in identifying it, first. “If you recognise when you are spending money on something that you do not need or even really want it, then you are on the pathway to stopping that,” she says.

You can also set a budget where you put aside a ‘fun fund’, adds Firdous Mohammed, a Dubai-based psychologist. “This allows you a sense of control over your extra spending, while ensuring you meet all of your responsibilities such as paying your bills and contributing to your savings. It is a healthy way to manage and get the best of both worlds without long-term consequences,” she says.

So, here are a couple of tips that the psychologists have explained:

• Download a budgeting app and start tracking your income and expenses. List all your income sources – salary and side hustles. Be thorough.

• Categorise everything – essentials (rent, groceries) and non-essentials (entertainment, impulse buys). Be honest with yourself.

• Gather your recent receipts and bank statements. Analyse them to identify areas where you might be overspending due to emotional triggers.

• Re-evaluate your spending habits. Was that daily latte with double whipped cream a necessity or a comfort buy?

• Explore free activities in your city or find budget-friendly hobbies.

Instead of spending to feel better, redirect that money towards your financial goals.

• Create a "self-love savings" fund for a future vacation, a new skill you want to learn, or anything that excites you.

• Lean on supportive friends who understand your situation. Share budgeting tips and hold each other accountable. This can be a fun and motivating way to stay on track.