I once treated my in-laws to a full-course meal and since it was Eid, I made oven roasted chickens, deep fried fish fillets, meat and lentil soup, flavoured rice with stuffed red and yellow bell peppers, fruit salad, rice pudding — the works.
“Big festive feast,” my husband whispered as his surprised family of just four saw the mountain of food in front of them.
“It’s festive,” I responded. “And it makes us happy, unlike the other days.” Indeed, festive gatherings give the average person a chance to connect with friends and families, over large meals. During our post-prandial conversation, my father-in-law, who as a child suffered much deprivation, spoke with nostalgia about festive occasions when, one day in the year on Eid, he would get new clothes and would sleep with his belly full.
It made me think whether it all has to be so extravagant to feel festive? I admit that preparing for my own meal had been challenging as I spent hours standing in long queues in supermarkets and watching my precious time fly as the soup pot bubbled. Then there were presents to buy and I had already over-spent procuring ingredients.
The occasion was anything but festive.
Now, another festive season is around the corner as the New Year fast approaches, bringing with it many reasons to eat hearty and shop for presents. However, psychologists in the UAE have forewarned that if you’re not mindful, the festive season can take its toll on mental health. Here’s how.
How festivities affect our mental health
Overspending
The meal I made could have been simple, however, I thought I needed more to make a lasting impression. In fact, according to experts, overindulgence and the need to impress others are some of the reasons why festive occasions become stressful.
Dubai-based Lebanese expat, Danielle Daou, a holistic health and self-relationship coach and hypnotherapy practitioner explains.
Materialism moves you towards the external world, away from your inner self and that is what will be taxing you during festivities. The stressful situations go hand in hand with expectations we set for ourselves, or that we accept from others or society.
“Materialism moves you towards the external world, away from your inner self and that is what will be taxing you during festivities. The stressful situations go hand in hand with expectations we set for ourselves, or that we accept from others or society.
“Timelines, finances and overwhelming tasks, such as picking presents that put strains on our finances, time and body, or going overboard on decoration, familial or social obligations, fitting in traveling in an already busy schedule, unplanned shopping, wanting to please everyone, or to organise or attend too many festive meals, or outings and holiday activities or events. As you can see, even talking about it is overwhelming,” Daou explains.
Pre-existing stress
The other conundrum is that festivities are stressful, especially for those who may already be living with chronic stress.
“What we don’t pay attention to is that most of us are already living with an ongoing chronic stress to start with. That chronic stress has become part of the norm, then when anxiety hits, we think that is the actual stress,” she explains.
“Then there are families and people, who are struggling with their health, loss of job, loss of a loved one or any unexpected situation. Add the expectations of preparing for a holiday and such people with uncommon circumstances find themselves in stressful situations that leads to anxiety.”
Some are more vulnerable. Festivity stress and anxiety can affect anybody to various degrees, however, some are more vulnerable, says Dubai-based British expat Dr Jose Belda, a consultant psychiatrist at The Psychiatry and Therapy Centre.
People with pre-existing anxiety, travel phobia, agoraphobia, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) autistic spectrum or depression, are more susceptible than the general population to experience festivity anxiety.
“People with pre-existing anxiety, travel phobia, agoraphobia, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) autistic spectrum or depression, are more susceptible than the general population to experience festivity anxiety. Such people are more sensitive to a change in their routine. But we must never ignore the fact that it can affect anybody,” Dr Belda explains.
Unhappy family ties
The festive season can also be stressful due to the unrealistic expectations of coming together as a happy family at this time of the year.
“The festive season can also be stressful due to the unrealistic expectations of coming together as a happy family at this time of the year,” says Dubai-based Indian expat Dr Shweta Misra, who is a clinical psychologist at the Priory Wellbeing Centre.
“One reason we can lose perspective during the festive season with unrestrained buying of gifts, is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words. For expatriates who find themselves alone due to being located far away from relatives, or for people going through a marital break-up or family estrangement, feelings can be heightened because of the visible emphasis placed on family, friends and celebrations.”
Sometimes, supressed issues within a marriage raises its ugly head during festivities.
According to Dr Belda, “Matrimonial disharmony becomes more evident during such occasions. Some bad habits can also be more evident when people have time in their hands; this can bring arguments.
Matrimonial disharmony becomes more evident during such occasions. Some bad habits can also be more evident when people have time in their hands; this can bring arguments.
“Scapegoating and triangulation within family relationships can also become more evident when they spend time together. The anticipation of this happening can be stressful for the person who is at the centre of it.
“Spending the whole time with the family, either immediate or extended family, can be challenging when sibling rivalry manifests when you perceive that one sibling might be favoured over the others,” Dr Belda explains.
“Sibling rivalry during festivities can be real or a subjective appreciation. This could also be a recurrent theme. The anticipation of this happening again can be stressful not just for the siblings involved but for the parents or other family members who feel uncomfortable in this situation,” Dr Belda says.
Sibling rivalry during festivities can be stressful not just for the siblings involved but for the parents or other family members who feel uncomfortable in this situation.
Families with young children whose demands are not always easy to meet find it hard to cope with festivity stress when their routine is disrupted, he explains.
Stressful jobs
Those who hold high-stress jobs are unable to ‘disconnect from work,’ a phrase which is easier said than done, during festivities.
“Work can be stressful and people can worry about what is going to happen in their absence, finding it difficult to disconnect. They worry about the workload on their return. For some, the thought of having to return to the workplace is stressful, and it does not allow them to enjoy the holidays as much as they otherwise would,” Dr Belda explains.
For some, the thought of having to return to the workplace is stressful, and it does not allow them to enjoy the holidays as much as they otherwise would.
Dubai-based Indian expat, Rahul Battam, who is a digital marketing specialist says that instead of enjoying the upcoming festivities, he had to take on extra work to prepare festival-themed activities for work.
I get more requests to speed up work or to be more competitive with the marketing campaigns. There are last-minute changes or requirements from clients. In order to cope, I take regular coffee breaks that helps me cool off enabling a fresh take on pending work needs when I return.
“I can’t enjoy the festive season, I have too many deadlines to meet and such festive occasions triple my workload. I get more requests to speed up work or to be more competitive with the marketing campaigns. There are last-minute changes or requirements from clients. In order to cope, I take regular coffee breaks that helps me cool off enabling a fresh take on pending work needs when I return. I make sure to meditate for about a minute or so before I take up a task and more often than not I focus on the task at hand, which helps me get it done faster,” he adds.
Tips to cope and how to keep festivity blues at bay
1) Getting easily influenced
Come December and that cheerfulness from summer vacations has been replaced by holiday sweaters. Even social media is abuzz with the New Year, new you philosophy, which makes you want to do so much more for everyone else. However, social media influence may worsen your holiday blues, says Ozan Akbas, a Turkish expat based in Dubai, who is a clinical psychologist at the Priory Wellbeing Centre.
Many can feel a mix of anxiety and depressive symptoms in December and it’s important to highlight how common this is. I would also strongly advise those who may find themselves going through anxiety or depression during this time of the year to avoid social media.
“Many can feel a mix of anxiety and depressive symptoms in December and it’s important to highlight how common this is. I would also strongly advise those who may find themselves going through anxiety or depression during this time of the year to avoid social media.
“When the mind is in a state of stress, it usually tends to focus on the parts that confirm our negative thoughts and comparisons may lead to an increase in sadness.”
2) Don’t force yourself to have a good time
You don’t need to fulfil all expectations, Dr Belda says. “You don’t need to feel obliged to have a good time in the way that most people would consider it, or to fulfil the social expectations,” he advises.
“Choose the right companion to plan your activities. Most of all don’t feel forced to do things that you don’t wish to do during your leisure time, or to spend more time than necessary with people with whom you don’t feel comfortable with.”
Ankita Singh, an Indian expat based in Dubai, who says that she is an introvert believes that festivities and the holiday season can be overwhelming.
For someone who is prone to anxiety this time of the year can turn into quite a bittersweet experience. From organising or attending social gatherings, it can all be a bit much, especially for introverts like myself.
“For someone who is prone to anxiety this time of the year can turn into quite a bittersweet experience. From organising or attending social gatherings, it can all be a bit much, especially for introverts like myself.”
3) Consider your finances
Previous experiences are going to influence our behaviour for future festive occasion and this might lead to overcompensating and overspending.
I’d emphasise that the only thing that you are competing with here is time and your most valuable gift to anyone including yourself is your time.
For self-employed people, the direct costs have to be considered and you must try your best to avoid the social pressures of having to spend an unrealistic amount of money during festivities and holidays, Dr Belda explains.
4) Value your time and goals
Spend quality time doing simple things with the people you choose to be with genuinely, Daou advises.
“I’d emphasise that the only thing that you are competing with here is time and your most valuable gift to anyone including yourself is your time. Remember you can get almost anything back except time, so choose how you want to give away this most precious asset mindfully.
“Recognise what you really need and don’t follow the wave of the moment,” she adds.
5) Respect Boundaries
Take the initiative to set boundaries and put limit to everyone’s expectations not just yourself, Daou explains.
“If you are overwhelmed with expenses this month and hosting a dinner or attending a family or friend's dinner, make it a point to set a small budget of gifting like a 10 dirham rule!
“You can also ask everyone to contribute to the dinner table by each bringing something with them, so you don’t have to stress regarding the preparation.
“You can limit your expenses on outings and do really simple things, such as exploring the country you already live in. Bottom line, whether you can afford it or not, lessen the holiday mindset around materialism and maximise thinking from the heart,” Daou adds.
Being forced to participate in family gathering is another source of stress, says Nayara Noor Banu, an Indian expat based in Dubai.
My family members keep talking me into meeting extended family members, ones who I haven’t been in touch with. It makes the whole situation awkward and stressful.
“I want to meet my friends during the festive season and that brings me joy. However, my family members keep talking me into meeting extended family members, ones who I haven’t been in touch with. It makes the whole situation awkward and stressful,” Banu explains.
6) Excessive planning to fill a void
Some people try to keep everything under control and plan every minute of any occasion during festivities. This is because they feel reassured by a life planned in detail, and they try to apply this logic to festivities and holidays as well, says Daou.
For such people, a lack of thorough planning means something is missing, a void she explains. “To truly disconnect from the everyday routine, it is instead more useful to try to abandon yourself to new experiences, living day by day, trying letting yourself be carried away by chance,” Daou adds.
7) Expect any unexpected events
However, a minimum of organisation is required, but be careful not to pursue perfection, Daou says.
“Even if you forget something, or run into some mishap, you will surely find how to recover. Learn to welcome possible unexpected events with a smile and a practical spirit. Look at festive occasions as an opportunity to put your creativity to the test.”
8) Ask yourself questions
Daou advises to consider whether what you’re doing makes you feel bad. In that case, ask yourself:
What can I do to feel better?
How can I distract myself from this thought?
Is it really necessary to think about this thing?
Finding answers to these questions will help you better deal with similar situations later, Daou explains.
9) Taking a short break
If you’re travelling during the festive season, choose a destination or activities which can satisfy all family members, and with further optional activities. If somebody prefers to be a solo traveller or remain at home, respect the choice.
10) When the party’s over
After family and friends are gone some people may develop stress and a low mood as they return to their routine, explains Dr Belda. However, it’s important to be appreciative of things that were perhaps taken for granted or not acknowledged as much before, says Mandeep Jassal, a behavioural therapist at the Priory Wellbeing Centre.
Jassal points out that this time of year can also be greatly beneficial for our mental health, particularly following the last challenging two years.
The festive season is a special time to connect with family and friends, have fun and participate in rituals such as prayer and eating together around the table. All of these activities help us feel loved and cared for, as well as helping to build attachments with loved ones.
“The festive season is a special time to connect with family and friends, have fun and participate in rituals such as prayer and eating together around the table. All of these activities help us feel loved and cared for, as well as helping to build attachments with loved ones.
“The recent pandemic has made people far more appreciative of things that were perhaps taken for granted or not acknowledged as much before. The previous social restrictions mean many people are now far more grateful of being able to travel with ease to be with family and friends at important times of the year.”
