Parenting can be a lot like juggling balls. Doing well at work to get the salary at the end of each month, spending quality time with your partner, paying attention to your child’s health and wellbeing, and keeping track of their progress at school ... life for a parent can be a multitasking challenge.
For some men, however, tight work schedules mean they only spend weekends with their children. But being a ‘weekend father’ does not have to be all bad. According to Gulf News readers, the trick is to find enough time to give undivided attention to your child.
62-year-old David Woodward was a weekend father for several years as his two children — who are now adults — grew up in the UAE. He, like many other UAE residents, made the most of the days in the week he did dedicate to his family.
“We made sure we did something together as a family every weekend – one weekend it would be Competition Go-Karting in the UAE Championship held then at Jebel Ali - my daughter, son and I. And on alternative weekends we would go to the movie, par three golf, beach, skiing at Mall of the Emirates or one of their activities – football or swimming. In addition we always had a family barbeque every Friday evening at home on the terrace. I don’t think that my children suffered, as they were just as busy through the week with school work,” he said.
According to Woodward whether parents get to spend a lot of time with their children or too little, whatever they are exposed to becomes what is normal for them. The trick is to make sure the time that is spent is good.
“I think if you love your children and you enjoy sharing all their important moments, you make time. You find time somehow and if it is only short – you do tend to make it count,” he said.
For another weekend father, Sherwin Boston, working and living in different emirates means limited family time. For the past nine years, he has been driving between Al Ain and Dubai to find the right balance between a well-paying job and a good environment for his children. However, his two-day weekend is solely dedicated to his family.
“During Fridays I bring them to the park, the place they love the most. And on Saturdays, we spend most of the time at home doing school work and other household chores,” he said.
Many other weekend fathers who spoke to Gulf News also echoed a similar sentiment - spending only the weekends with your children might be tough but it did not reduce the quality of their relationships.
According to a research released in April, 2015, in the US-based Journal of Marriage and Family, there was absolutely no connection between the amount of time parents spent with children and how they turned out to be. The study, again, stressed on the need to spend quality time, however limited, with one’s child.
According to Dr Valeria Risoli, a clinical psychologist in Dubai, the challenge for parents is to be all there when they do finally spend time with their children.
“When dad is too busy or he is physically there but mentally absent — busy with emails or phone or playing while multitasking — children may feel a sense of rejection. ‘I am not so important for dad.’ or ‘Dad is too busy to give me attention.’ This leads them to become insecure and anxious later on in life.”
Another crucial aspect for weekend fathers to bear in mind is to not let the guilt overwhelm better judgement as a parent.
““Feeling guilty does not help. Rather start being more flexible in your schedule and try to find time for your children from now on. Even if there is just one day a week, there is no need to bring gifts every weekend, even when they don’t deserve rewards. This is actually controproductive.
“Just spend good time with them. Watch a movie together. Play together. Talk and walk together. Ask how they feel. Ask questions about their week. The emotional presence and availability of parents does not show through ‘things’ but thought gestures, words, actions and good time that will bring to good memories,” she added.
