If weekends are the only time you get to spend with your children, how does it affect their mindset, personality and behaviour?
According to several psychologists interviewed by Gulf News, the effect will not be damaging as long as parents focus on spending quality time with their children.
What is potentially damaging, however, is if parents fail to connect with their children during the time they spend together. If you are physically near your children but do not show enthusiasm in their activities or pay attention to them, the effect can be extreme and long-term.
“When a father is absent for most of the week, the mother has to be both the disciplinarian as well as the care giver. Also, if one parent is not as visible as the other, they tend to be put on a pedestal and praised. So, the dad gets to see the sunny parts of the job. The mum is left with enforcing home work, getting children off the computer while dad gets to do all the fun stuff during the weekend,” Dr Ross Addison, psycholgist and CBT therapist (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) said.
According to Dr Addison, when there is a disbalance in the role played by both the parents, whether because of work schedules or fractured relationships, it often creates behavioural problems among children with some experiencing abandonment issues.
“The children miss the guidance of both the parents. If they know that their dad is in Dubai, they are going to ask the question why is he not seeing me? I have seen that in teenagers it tends to create a bit of a relationship breakdown, especially with sons.”
According to Dr Valeria Risoli, a clinical psychologist in Dubai, building an attachment takes effort.
“The identification with the fathers is very important, especially for boys and for this reason a child needs to perceive their dad as a positive, active, and emotional present figure. Mums and dads can be naturally different in the way they nurture their child, solve conflict and face tantrums. This is why it is important for children to have dad involved in their life as much as they can. These kids will become adults and possibly parents as well one day and they will grow up with with these role models of parents and will probably repeat the behaviour they observed.
“The ideal situation would be to have both parents that can spend an equal amount of time with children. Unfortunately, this is not always possible but this doesn’t mean that a family cannot find a balance or that a child cannot be happy,” she said.
Dr Mary John, consultant clinical psychologist, also highlighted the need for the partner to give a positive impression to the child, whether it is the mother or father who cannot spend enough time with their child.
“The mother needs to talk to children. ‘Daddy will come at 9pm and you have to go to school, so why don’t you sleep?’ The child will understand that his or her father needs to be in office and it is not like the child will not identify with the father,” she said.
She, too, highlighted the need to keep weekends exclusively for children to ensure parents spend quality time with children.
“Children should be their number one priority, not work or friends or office politics. Children’s growth, mental health or development depends on you because they are looking up to you.”
