I don't think I'll take my wife back to Singapore. It's the shopping, you see. My wallet is overheated, my credit cards exercised, my feet blistered from walking the malls.
She's a happy camper right now — enough clothes in her wardrobe for the next couple of weeks so I won't have to hear that "I've got nothing to wear" as she stares at a wardrobe crammed with once-worn outfits.
Why is it that women can look at a room full of clothes and be able to decide in an instant that, despite the dresses, pants, blouses, tops, bottoms, skirts, shoes, handbags, two-pieces, one-pieces and none-pieces bursting forth, they have nothing to wear? Trust me, fellow men, if the lady in your life needs to exorcise the demons of the shopping beast, she'll feast on the offerings of Singapore. It's a tidy little island nation, easy to get around, neat and organised — almost to the point of excess. As someone told us, it's a fine country — break the law and you're fined. But in our three days there we did not see one piece of litter out of place or one wall graffitied. It works, delightfully so.
Vestiges of colonial charm
Singapore has lost some of the charm of its colonial days when British officials sipped on verandas as boys pulled ropes to activate palm-fanned gentle breezes to keep tropical heat and humidity at bay.
You can still get a feeling of this bygone era at the original Raffles Hotel. There, in the Long Bar, sipping on a signature beverage, a sweet concoction invented to keep ladies happy and their gentlemen happier, your feet recover from a long day of shopping, your credit card resting from its callisthenics. Sadly, the beverages come pre-made, the work going into individual making of the signature beverage giving way to progress, in much the same way that segments of this city have. Nostalgia, though, still abounds.
Mingling of the modern
From the top of the Singapore Flyer, a giant Ferris wheel that slowly moves its pods in a half-hour panoramic cycle over the city, you can still see the old harbour that welcomed the Dutch and British in centuries past. Out in the Strait, ships of every flag and type rest at anchor, still one of the world's busiest posts at the place where east, south, north and west sea paths cross easily.
And below, the cityscape Formula One track is distinguishable, twisting through parks and roadways, a night circuit and the second city circuit to Monaco.
Across at Marina Bay, a futuristic hotel and shopping complex, the Sky Garden some 50 floors up links the three towers in a curved, flat hat as it were. The $5.5 billion (Dh20 billion) project is in its finishing stages and it dominates the new centre of the city state. If Singapore wants to project a modern, futuristic, dynamic and exciting image, the Marina Bay project certainly does that — and more.
Marilyn and me
Beyond the harbour, on Sentosa Island, themed hotels cater to every need, demographic and whim.
My wife is hardly talking to me.
It was the other woman.
Look, I'm faithful. But it wasn't just any other woman.
It was Marilyn Monroe. I kissed her. Right on her cheek. Just planted one right there. I couldn't resist. I could have denied it. But I couldn't. There's photographic evidence, you see. Me and Marilyn. Hugging.
On a rollercoaster ride
OK, OK. It was Universal Studios theme park on Sentosa Island. I'm not one normally for theme parks. I think I have repressed memories of fighting back nausea and took much shaking about from a ride on a choo-choo train ride when I was 4. So I don't like fast rollercoasters. Many do. And when we visited the theme park, thousands were enjoying the latest high-tech 3-D rides. Madagascar, Revenge of the Mummies, all the usual themed sections. But there, in a downtown Los Angeles street scene, there she was, Marilyn Monroe, crimped white satin dress and stilettos. It was love at fist sight. And that kiss. Bliss.
The smack from my wife was worth it. Tee-hee!
So the shopping was revenge, you might say.
The Singapore Shopping Festival runs June and July every year. That was an excuse for visiting. I wanted to see culture and history. History such as the Peranakan Museum, a collection that tells the tale of a unique blend of Indian, Malayan and Chinese who came together, integrated over generations, keeping traditions from each culture alive and thriving together. And then there was the Botanical Gardens, in the suburbs, where rare orchids bloom as easily as spice trees and rubber plants. Beautiful — a tropical oasis away from the shopping. But shopping, always the shopping.
Nibbles on the fly
I'm not normally one for hitting the malls. I'm a full-blooded man — hunter, not a gatherer. I know what I need to get in a mall: in, buy, out, mission accomplished. That was how I got to sample one of my favourite street foods. It's ice-cream, cut from a brick. But here's the twist: instead of coming in-between wafer biscuits, it comes wrapped in sliced bread — not your everyday sandwich bread but a light, fluffy and sweet bread, almost cake-like. Scrumptious, and only $1 (Dh3). You see, if I was shopping in the malls, I would have missed it.
Chinatown, that's more of my kind of shopping. Little stalls, shops full of oriental trinkets, bric-a-brac and collectibles. Things that you would put on display, not stick in a wardrobe after you've worn it once and complain you have nothing to wear.
And it was there too that I fell in love with the local dish of duck and rice. I'm not a great hand at chopsticks. I'm pretty terrible actually. So I had this big slice of tender, crisp, barbecued duck balanced on the end of the sticks when it slipped, right down the front of my clean shirt. You could imagine the squeals of the wife if she saw that. Luckily, she wasn't there.
A nice woman came to me with a sliced lime, rubbed it on my shirt and cleaned the whole greasy mess up. A quick change into a t-shirt at the back of a rack and nobody's the wiser.
"Nice t-shirt," my wife says. Tee-hee. Shush! Just our little secret. You see, secrets are all around Singapore. But that's between you and me. Tee-hee!
My wife? She's off shopping — she has nothing to wear.
Shop till you drop
It's hard to know which comes first in Singapore, eating or shopping. My wife says it's shopping. I have to believe her. I don't have an appetite for it anymore. Whether it's designer brands, watches or electrical and consumer goods, there's a plethora of shopping districts for every budget and wallet size. For me, the only limit is stamina — and the limit on the credit card. Here's are some of the best places — just don't tell my wife!
Orchard Road
This is the shopping heart of Singapore, home to some of the city state's biggest malls. If you're going, take public transport as parking is a nightmare. Designer clothes from east and west, plus plenty of relatively cheap locally supplied garments make this area a shoppers' paradise. Electrical goods supplied from all over Asia are available in real and, er, not quite so real, brand names. Each of the malls also has excellent food courts where you really get a sense of the melting pot that Singapore has become. Cosmetics are a bargain too, I'm told. But you'll really have to ask my wife.
Centrepoint
This is the most popular spot in the city, so it's best avoided at evenings and weekends, unless you want to be elbow to elbow with your fellow fashionistas, fighting it out for that special something you're looking for. Good deals in fashions, including the more popular and accessible designer labels that have become de rigeur.
The Heeren
The Heeren specialises in music and all things digital, and is home to the largest music superstore in the world. And the exotic food stalls there aren't bad either. Try the crab claws and peppers on a stick. Or download, if that type of shopping is not your thing.
Bras Basah Road
This stretch of streetscape will answer all of your cravings for the fashion of Fifth Avenue. All of the big names. Nice — as in nice and pricey.
Marina Bay Hotel
The three-tower Marina Bay Hotel includes wonderful indoor shopping replete with a canal and a Venetian-style dark-marbled mall. It's home to the high-end jewellers, haute-couture designers and the brands we're familiar with in upscale Dubai malls. Well worth a visit, even if the prices are a little beyond your budget. The Sky Garden above the 50 floors joins the three towers together. Totally cool and totally worth a visit. A perfect place to relax while she's breaking the bank.
Chinatown
Full of stalls hawking inexpensive t-shirts and everyday clothes, plus the usual collection of jade Buddhas, plastic bonsai gardens and samurai-sword knock-offs. For me, the perfect place is to get lost are the stalls selling some of the best street food in the world. Haggle and haggle some more. The bargains are worth it. You'll have a tough time fighting off the tailors vying to make you a handmade suit or shirts as quick as you can say "taxi".
FLY... Emirates
From Dubai to Singapore for Dh2,815. Or try Singapore Airlines, from Dubai for Dh2,835. Or try Qatar Airways from Dubai (via Doha) for Dh2,585 or Etihad Airlines from Abu Dhabi for Dh3,085.
— Information courtesy the Holiday Lounge by Dnata. Ph: 04-3492886
