Life & Style | Relationships

"Is there such a thing as a real soulmate?"

We caught up with John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, to ask him his opinion on soulmates – what they are, do they exist and where can we find them

  • By Louisa Wilkins, Acting Editor, Aquarius magazine
  • Published: 15:32 January 28, 2013
  • Aquarius

A couple in love
  • Image Credit: Gulf News Archive
  • "The way to find a soulmate is to stop looking for one and to create a series of positive dating experiences with interesting, insightful inspiring people."

“There are a few different interpretations of the term ‘soulmate’. One is that on a soul level, before incarnation, you pledged to each other and committed that you would be together in this lifetime, to create a family, or to fulfil your purpose in this world. I believe this can happen. I also believe that when you meet a soulmate, you awaken and say, ‘This is the person I want to share my life with.’ And when you know, you just know.

“Do I believe in soulmates? Yes I do, because I’m married to mine. Do I think she’s my only soulmate? No. I’ve met about 20 women who I could have been soulmates with, but out of that number, I picked my wife. Sometimes I meet a new woman who I think I could potentially be soulmates with, but I think to myself, ‘Maybe in another life, but in this life I have a soulmate.’

“Will you know your soulmate instantly? Maybe not. The way to find a soulmate is to stop actively looking for one and instead create a series of positive dating experiences with people you find interesting, insightful and inspiring, and that you may have some affection for, or sexual attraction to. Don’t have a list of requirements – if you’re looking for a soulmate, your requirements will be too great. You’ll think, ‘Yes, that was a fun date but this guy is clearly not my soulmate.’ So you’ll postpone, or miss, being with the right person.

“But if you just seek to create positive dating experiences, you’ll be able to experience each other’s positive qualities more easily. “It’s the same as when you are looking at a house to buy. You walk in and are judgemental – all these considerations come up. But if you walked into that same house and it was my home, and you weren’t looking to buy it, you would just see all the good stuff.

That’s how you have to approach dating. Aim to date many people and be surprised when you find the right one. There’s this whole illusion of meeting a fairy-tale person – that you’ll see them and fall magically in love with them. Some people do have that, but a lot of people don’t. For most people, it takes time for them to get to know that they are with the right person.

“The second illusion is that once you’ve found the right person, everything will be perfect. Everything is not perfect in a soulmate relationship. Every authentic soul has many challenges to overcome in this world. A soulmate is someone who can help us overcome those challenges. Sometimes the way they help is to be that challenge that forces us to overcome our limitations in ourselves. Just because someone is your soulmate, it doesn’t mean the relationship will always be perfect.

Related Links

The most challenging person I’ve ever met is my wife. And yet the person I love more than anyone else is my wife. Why is that? Because those challenges we’ve overcome have brought us together. I fall in and out of love with my wife – and sometimes I even doubt if this is the person I want to share my life with. And yet when I’m able to release my negative emotions and feel good again, I feel with 100 per cent certainty that she is the one for me.

“If you’re with your partner and you have children together, chances are you are already with your soulmate, so don’t miss that opportunity. If you’re having relationship problems, maybe you’re just not bringing the best out in each other. Sometimes poor communication skills cause a person’s heart to close down and the connection to their soul disappears. When this happens, soulmates get a divorce.

“I help stop so many people from getting divorces and I help people get back together after divorce. Why? Because once you understand how you contribute to the problems in your relationship, you realise you are not a victim but a co-partner in solving the problem. You know then that you can make changes within yourself to bring out the best in your partner. You have hope. And with that hope, your heart opens. And when your heart opens, your soul is able to communicate with you once again and tell you that, ‘Yes, this is the person for me.’”

Fact file

For more from John, catch him at Ductac on February 26, from 5pm to 9pm. Dh1,295 if you book before the day, or Dh1,500 on the day. For details and bookings, visit

The monthly wellbeing and family magazine

Popular in Life & Style
Lifestyle & Entertainment columnists
  • Russell Hemmings
    The Hemmings way

    Life coach Russell Hemmings on fears, anxieties and the human psyche demystified

  • Gaby Doman
    Gaby Doman: Notes to myself

    The everyday ups and downs of being a modern woman, according to this globetrotter

  • Uma Ghosh Deshpande
    The Dubai Insider

    TV personality Uma Ghosh Deshpande guides you through the city’s society gatherings and stories

  • Pratyush Sarup
    Design diary

    Dubai-based interior designer Pratyush Sarup lets us in on the world of design

  • Bharat Thakur
    Yoga for you

    Bharat Thakur guides you through practices and wisdom of this ancient science of exercising

Life & Style editor's choice