People love dramatic advice and ultimatums. I believe (but I have no evidence at all, of course) that it all stems from watching too many chat shows with ultimatums such as “marry me or it’s over” or talent shows where you get an amazing record deal and a guaranteed number one single ... or you fall into complete obscurity. We love viewing the world in black and white; things are either fairytale perfect or should be scrapped completely.
For instance, I had a slight worry with my boy a few months ago when he got jealous about me meeting up with any other men, regardless of my relationship with them. Of course, it’s a bit flattering the first time, but then it gets a bit annoying.
So, I asked a couple of people how I should deal with it and one person said it was a slippery slope into a controlling relationship and that I should get out now. I decided not to do that and instead just had a chat with him about how he could trust me. That seemed to do the trick nicely and it doesn’t seem to be a problem anymore.
Big dramatic solutions sound so effective and brave but, perhaps the soft touch is adequate, sometimes? Perhaps just because something isn’t perfect and fairytale like, we don’t need to throw it away. Sometimes you can just work on stuff.
That’s why you have to be really careful who you go to for advice. I have some friends who are excellent for some things but, when it comes to advice I steer clear because I know if they had their way, I’d be single until I met Mr Perfect, I’d be jobless until I could find someone to pay me for just being me and be stone broke because they have advised me that I “only live once” and to splurge my money on having fun.
No doubt these friends mean well and want me to have the very best, but sometimes a less dramatic approach is required.
I must admit, I am guilty of it myself, sometimes.
A friend upsets me? I can delete them from my life. I’ve been indulging in too many caramel frappuccinos? I vow to never eat sugar again. My boss is annoying me? I quit my job immediately despite my bills.
I am particularly bad with the last one. I have quit so many jobs I can’t keep count of and, whenever other people come to me for advice about their job, I almost tell them that their job sucks and they should quit. I’m reckless with mine and other people’s lives like that.
Now, I suspect people only come to me for job advice if they want to have confirmation that they should leave. Being a drama queen, I am happy to oblige.
On the other hand, if you ask me about your relationship, I will most likely tell you to work on it. I am a sucker for romance and I still hold a secret hope that some couples, I know, who have long since broken up, will still get back together. I am ever the romantic and I have watched too many Hollywood films. Just give it one more try, guys!
But there are always people from the other school of thought who are all too willing to give their advice.
“Hey Jill, I think my boyfriend’s...”
“DUMP HIM”
“Erm, I was just going to say that I think my boyfriend’s going to take me for dinner tonight”.
I think we all know a Jill, who is well intentioned, but quick to throw theirs — and other people’s cards in.
But when you take such rash decisions, it makes you feel in control and powerful, and that is an addictive feeling. However, sometimes you have to remember that you are not a prince/princess and that life won’t always be smooth sailing. There will be rough waters and that doesn’t mean that you have to thrown your whole boat away.
The trick is to know when to stick and when to twist; which makes it sound like I know. I don’t. I have no clue. Let me know if you figure it out.
