Communication is the foundation of any relationship — whether it is between husband and wife, parents and children, teacher and student, or doctor and patient. Recent research has shown that breakdown in communication can lead to poor health because people feel misunderstood, not heard or trapped in their relationships.
A mother of two recently shared with me how her husband reacted when the children did not obey him. She told me that the father stopped talking to the kids and shut himself up for a couple of hours. Their son, who is very attached to his father, was terribly distraught by this behaviour and asked the mother if his father would ever speak to him again.
What the father was doing was stonewalling them by not responding to anything his children said. There are many reasons why someone indulges in stonewalling. From emotional overwhelming to avoiding conflict to retracting from a potentially volatile situation, more men than women are seen indulging in this kind of behaviour.
Unfortunately stonewalling is not a good strategy when it comes to emotional management. This can be quite traumatic for anyone and here we have a child, who may not understand that it’s his father’s own behaviour that’s causing him to react in this manner. What the child is learning is from his father’s reaction is that if he behaves badly his father stops talking to him, so when he does not like something someone does, he should do the same to him or her.
You are teaching your child that when you cannot manage your emotions or to prevent an angry outburst it is better to shut down communication. This strategy might work with younger children but with a teenager, who locks himself in his room because he has had an altercation with his parent, the parent will want to break down the very walls he has taught him to create.
So as a parent, it might be a good idea to learn strategies to manage your anger or disapproval by firstly knowing your triggers, practising calming techniques and then keeping ready a couple of possible responses.
It is important to remember that no matter what the situation is, the solution lies in communicating your emotions in a manner that does not make the child feel insignificant and erode his or her self-confidence. Remember healthy and open communication is the foundation of a healthy and happy family and you are your child’s role model.
This is an interactive column on parenting skills and child behaviour. If you have a query, write to tabloid@gulfnews.com
— Sunaina Vohra is a certified Youth and Family Life Coach at Athena Life Coaching in Dubai. For more information log on to athenalifecoaching.com or call 056-1399033.
