Oh, summer. We love you and your relaxed pace. Lunch? Bah. We can cobble something together for camp or an impromptu backyard picnic. Homework? A distant memory. Even that summer project we’re supposed to do has taken a back seat to later bedtimes, splashing in the pool and spending a few extra minutes on screens because, hey, why not?
But wait. The weeks slipped by as fast as a thunderstorm on a hot summer night. And now it’s time to get back to routines: set bedtimes, getting out the door before the first bell, screen limits, homework schedules and more.
That means it’s time to prepare for shifting into back-to-school mode. Even if the children are excited about heading back, we know it can be a rough transition.
Here’s advice from experts and other parents on how to craft a successful strategy for the weeks ahead.
GETTING THEMSELVES READY
Amy McCready, author of The ‘Me, Me, Me’ Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World and a parenting educator.
There is almost certainly something you’re doing for your children that they are ready to do for themselves. McCready likes to use the start of a new school year to shift more age-appropriate responsibility to kids.
“This is important because we want our kids to grow into capable, responsible people,” she says.
For little ones, that might be something as simple as letting them pick out their own clothes. (Note to parents: It’s more important that they “feel capable and independent than match”, McCready says.)
Elementary-school-age kids can usually pack their own lunches. Not only do they gain confidence, but they are also more likely to eat the lunch — even if it’s the same thing you would have packed.
Older children can have the responsibility of managing their calendar and making sure they have all they need for sports practice and assignments.
“At first they may not be thrilled about this new responsibility, and that’s okay,” McCready says. “But marketing is everything.”
She suggests a conversation that starts with something such as “You are really growing up and becoming independent in so many ways”. You will begin to see them feel pride in their accomplishments, she says. “Does that mean you’ll never help your kids out? No, of course not.”
McCready says that in order to keep centred while guiding the kids to do their tasks, take care of yourself first. If you don’t, you’ll be barking orders to get the children ready for school and out the door, and you won’t be able to hold steady on shifting responsibilities to them.
She suggests parents try to get up 30 minutes before the children. Get yourself “fully caffeinated before your kids’ feet hit the floor”. Get ready and dressed, then just focus on helping the children help themselves when they get up.
“In a world where we are all sleep-deprived, parents tell me over and over again that it makes all the difference to have a happy and stress-free morning.”
SLEEP
Kim West, a social worker, sleep coach and author of Good Night, Sleep Tight.
During the summer, parents often let their children stay up later, hoping they will sleep in. The problem with that, West says, is trying to get kids back onto an earlier bedtime schedule.
A good night of sleep is important for children — and parents — who have to get up and out the door.
She suggests parents wake their children about 15 minutes earlier each day, starting about a week before the first day of school, until they are back on schedule. “We tend to keep our kids up too late, then they’re not getting enough sleep for school,” she says.
Children ages 6 to 12 need nine to 11 hours of sleep each night. West encourages parents to make sure children are completely asleep by 9pm.
And if some bad habits formed during the summer? It’s time to try to break those as well.
Take nightmares: with relaxed rules, a child may have started waking and coming into a parent’s room or bed to sleep. Rule out other reasons for the waking, such as anxiety. West also says sleep deprivation can cause nightmares, as can new milestones or sleep apnea. But if you suspect nighttime waking has just become a habit, the start of school is probably time to stop it.
Tell your child in advance that there are “new rules. Everyone has to stay in their own bed,” she says. Then get a toddler clock or wake-up light. Explain that he has to “stay in his room until the wake-up light comes on”.
West used to tell her children at bedtime that it was time to throw the bad thoughts out the window and replace them with something else. “If you don’t throw it out, sometimes it sneaks back in,” she explained. Her older daughter would say she was replacing bad thought with a field of flowers and butterflies.
SCREEN TIME
Caroline Knorr, parenting editor of Common Sense Media, a nonprofit that provides ratings of media for families and promotes safe technology use.
There’s a common theme that runs through summer: all rules are softened. Including, for many of us, limits on screen time.
Now that school is starting, it may be time to taper off the screens, Knorr says.
You can say something like “I know we relaxed a little bit. How much screen time do you think is appropriate to have during the week?” she suggests. Allow the children to have some input, knowing that homework and chores and extracurricular activities need to come first.
Keep in mind, though, that while we are directing children to taper their screen time, they may be asked to add more, either during the school day or for homework.
“It’ll be hard to differentiate between schoolwork and play,” Knorr says. Children may be asked to look at YouTube for a report, but then they see the nearby links and click there, and get distracted, just as we do. Parents, therefore, need to keep an eye on what children, particularly younger ones, are doing, Knorr says.
Remove distractions, including their phones, when they are doing homework, she suggests.
“A lot of kids do their homework with the phone right next to them, and they’re getting text messages,” she says. She suggests offering incentives, such as an additional 10 minutes of fun screen time after staying on task for 30 minutes.
For younger children, parents probably need to stay with them while they’re using the computer. Even filters and controls are not infallible, she points out.
And as for those pesky requests for cellphones? A lot of parents want to know what is the right age to get one, she says.
“Every family is different,” Knorr says. Mobile phones can give children a lot of independence and can give parents some peace of mind because the child can let the parent know where she is after school, for instance.
“But make sure they know how to use it as a tool,” Knorr warns. “It should be something that’s not their entertainment device. It’s a tool for them to communicate with Mum and Dad.”
HOMEWORK
Tamara Johnston, a teacher with Phillips Programs in the Washington area
Johnston teaches 15-to-21-year-olds in a high school programme and also has three children ages 22, 20 and 16. No matter the situation, she finds getting back into a routine to be crucial. Establishing a routine will help children get ready for homework again, too.
“As a Mum, summer is great. I didn’t want a lot of routines. I wanted a summer free feeling,” she says. But she knew she had to get the children going again.
She usually began the routine-setting two weeks before school started. That meant dinner and bed at the same time each night. “I was just getting them in the mind-set to start their school experience,” she says.
If you’re trying to brush up on the academics? Do it quietly. Read together, offer an incentive to them to read one more chapter. Cook together to help review math skills. Let them count the change at the store. And make sure to create a relatively chaos-free environment.
She always had a specific place for backpacks and another to do homework. “If you have that area, it’s not for anything else,” she says. “It helps a lot for focus, especially for students who can get easily distracted.”
It is also important to start “pulling back” on the TV, cellphone and computer time, she says. The kids need to fill that time with more academics now, and getting them used to not being in front of a screen so much will help.
Stick to the routines, no matter what they are.
“The most important part to ... get ready to do any kind of job is consistency and repetition,” Johnston says. “A lot of students, especially with special needs, need repetition.”
— Washington Post
