It was just one of those Thursdays. Outside the wheels office, gleaming in the six o'clock sunset were a lipstick red Audi RS5, a white Golf R, and a Ford Mustang all racing-striped-up. I could've had any number of horsepower I wished for over the weekend, but I reached for the ordinary plastic key of a lime green Honda Jazz and whistled my way down the stairs.
Would you have picked a Jazz over all these other cars? And what if you knew what I know; that the Honda Jazz is the greatest car in the world?
Three words: Advanced Compatibility Engineering. Honda will tell you that its structural design is intended to improve safety and dissipate crash energy through the frame and away from the passengers. And because the Jazz's demographic (grannies) like safety, that's where the advertising stops.
What Honda doesn't tell you, is that Advanced Compatibility Engineering is chassis design at its sportiest. Yes, this quasi MPV is one sporty ride. The main frame — the two beams running the length of the vehicle — are on the extreme outsides and lowest to the ground; the lower member is, well, low; the roof is a single sheet of metal, and a thin one at that (because the pillars are strong enough to support a roll-over accident) and the floor is made up of two layers of steel. Why? Because if you're going to add weight for stiffness, add it as low as possible.
You see, Honda thinks of these things. Honda thinks of cup holders in front of the air conditioning vents, so granny's calcium supplement drink stays chilled. And fold-flat seats that lower with the headrests still up, because that's good for the back. Also, those thick A-pillars... did you think they ruin visibility? Ha, Honda's way ahead of you, because the Jazz has corner windows for excellent outward vision, and they've even thought of putting in a stowage box under the seats, as well as a double glovebox, the main one with an AC-linked cooler. Yes, Honda does keep you in its thoughts, you and me, ordinary people.
Best of all, through the sheer kindness of Soichiro's spirit, Jazz owners get a fuel tank fitted dead-centre in the car, between the front occupants' seats. This might sound like a sadistic way of ending your misery after a brutal crash by conveniently setting you alight, but actually it's a dynamics issue. Think about it, no matter how empty or full of petrol the tank is, the weight balance never changes or upsets the car's awesome agility.
Despite its dimension of a shrunken down MPV — 3,900mm long, 1,695mm wide, 1,525mm high, so taller than a Corolla — the Jazz tosses itself in and out of traffic gaps like a skipping stone. Fair enough, the 1.5-litre VTEC drones on and on until reaching the 118bhp peak at 6,600rpm, but the reviness and honesty of this extremely fuel-efficient engine (we easily averaged 6.7 litres-per-100km, and check out our Facebook page for proof) gets under your skin like most V8s never could.
Matched to a five-speed automatic gearbox, you won't even miss a sixth ratio because in manual mode playing with the paddles behind the wheel, you can ride the rev limiter through corners and the car won't change up for you. That's because Honda engineers understand what a loveable car they've designed, and many owners might actually enjoy a weekend drive instead of just using their Jazz as a commuting box. The assisted steering is crisp and reacts instantly, chucking the Jazz into another lunge for traffic pole position.
Then there's the cabin: cheery, well thought out and generally best in class — especially when paired up with the awesome panoramic roof — with incredible versatility from the rear cargo space. You can even lift up the bench for tall furniture to fit behind the front seats, and everything is a one-handed affair.
Verdict
The updated 2011 Honda Jazz is a people carrier, a van, a hot hatch, a family car, a weekend blaster, whatever you want it to be. The price tag might seem a bit steep, but not when you give it a go and Honda convinces you how much it cares — if only Honda would put this much engineering passion into a sportscar now…
Oh, and the Jazz also looks nicer with a new front end and improved aerodynamics for less drag. Sorry, I forgot to mention these 2011 changes.
Rarely does a car show up in front of the wheels office and manages to get absolutely everything right. Did I miss those three sportscars that weekend? Not a chance. The only regret I have is that I already bought my wife a car, and now I don't have an excuse to get a Jazz. Honda, please think your way out of this one for me. I know you can do it.
Specs
Model Jazz
Engine 1.5-litre four-cylinder
Transmission Five-speed auto, FWD
Max power 118bhp @ 6,600rpm
Max torque 145Nm @ 4,800rpm
Top speed 170kph
0-100kph 10.5sec
Price Dh67,999 (base)
Plus Probably the best engineered car in the world
Minus Steep price
