1. Let the world come to you
Attraction is natural and effortless and some sociable people love working a room, but if you're not outgoing, don't force yourself to do things that don't come naturally. You don't need to round after people, chase them for answers, or try incredibly hard to please them or pander to their whims. This achieves the opposite effect - it makes you appear needy and it pushes people and opportunities away. If you have something to offer, make your service as attractive as possible, then wait for customers to come to you. Mary, a client, found social events exhausting because she was constantly trying to get people to talk to her. I advised her to sit in a chair with a smile on her face and let people come to her. She tried this and reported back to say they came and sat with her and she had a succession of lovely conversations with people. She learnt you don't have to work hard to get people to like you or talk to you.
2. Remind yourself the present is perfect
If you focus on what's wrong, it means you're concentrating on the negative, or at least the one thing that isn't right in your life. It may be that your apartment is too small or you have too much fat around your tummy or your partner is annoying you. If you focus on the negative, it will expand and you will get fatter, your flat will get more cramped and your partner will do even more to wind you up. Usually when there's a problem, there's a lesson for us. For example, you may need to learn to live with less stuff, improve your communication skills or learn about exercise and nutrition. No one finds a moaner attractive. If you focus on the positive, people will be drawn to you.
3. Make your home a sanctuary
If your home is warm, cosy and organised, your energy will be positive, yet if it's noisy, dirty and cluttered, your energy levels will drop every time you set foot through the door and this will stay with you wherever you go. To get energy from your home, surround yourself with things and decor you love, whether that means a set of floral cushions, some gorgeous paintings or some vibrant blue and red walls. Display the things you like and store or throw out those you're not keen on. You will be surprised what shifts you'll experience once your home is perfect for you - job opportunities will come your way, you'll attract more money and people will find you much more attractive.
4. See the good in life
Sometimes when things go wrong, it's easy to feel sorry for yourself, ask "Why me?" and feel that good things will never happen again. But often when you look back, you may well realise the good that came from a worrying situation. It's bad when you break your leg or when you're ill but maybe your convalescence made you realise important things about your lifestyle and you may have changed jobs or gone on a dream holiday as a result. Try to accept the things that happen are for a reason that will become clear one day. If your father is taken to hospital, maybe it's to give you a chance to spend some quality time with your mother alone, and if you lose your job, it could well be because there's a better job round the corner.
5. Keep a gratitude list
To attract more of what you want in life, be grateful for what you already have, even if it isn't enough. At the end of every day, write down a list of things you are grateful for - whether it's a cup of hot chocolate, a beautiful sunset, good health, a wonderful shower or a new shirt and tie. By focusing on what you have, you will attract even more. On your birthday, look back over the year and write a list of all your accomplishments and the good things in your life over the year. Light a candle and sit and read them aloud one by one, taking time to appreciate them and be grateful for them. Then write a wish list of things that would make life more colourful if they happened. Put it away for a year and go back on your next birthday. You will be surprised how many things will have happened from your list.
6. Smile
Even if you don't feel like smiling, the act of moving your lips will trigger your endorphins and you will feel better anyway. It takes more energy to frown and be grumpy. If you don't feel like smiling, fake it to start with. Make a list of things that make you happy - such as clean cotton sheets on your bed, a bubble bath with scented candles, a good book, a cool drink on your balcony, a cycle ride or a walk on the beach. The incorporate some of these things into your everyday life - maybe you could help out others somehow, start a yoga class or read your book in your lunch break.
7. Listen like you've never listened before
Next time someone is talking to you, really listen. Don't think about what you're going to say, or what stories you can share - just listen. As a general rule, talk 20 per cent of the time, and listen 80 per cent. Listening isn't easy and we're not taught how to do it. It just takes practice, but once you've mastered it, you'll always be attractive. Try and listen to someone for three minutes without interrupting them - this gives them a chance to get to the really important issues and you'll discover hidden depths to them.
8. Enjoy your senses
In the rush of everyday life, we forget to stop and smell the roses. Relish the senses of sight, sound, taste, touch and smell and savour your life. After a bath or shower, use scented massage oil on our skin. Instead of eating ice cream with a spoon, order it in a cone and enjoy licking it and swirling the cold ice cream around your tongue. Give your eyes a feast by putting beautiful paintings on the wall and wear clothes that are irresistible to touch, like silk or cotton. Walk through the grass or sand barefoot, have lunch in the shade in the park, have fresh flowers in your home or go for a long walk to ensure you re-connect with nature.
9. Acknowledge people
We're good at complimenting people and saying things like, "I like your shirt!" or "This cake is delicious!" or "You have a lovely home!" Take your compliments a step further and acknowledge what the person is good at. They may be a wonderful host who always makes their guests feel at ease, or a great writer who entrances their readers, or a childminder who sparks children's imagination and sense of play. If you point out these things, they will love you for understanding their true talents and they'll feel connected to you in a much deeper way.
10. Start having notions
Have a think about what you fancy and see it appear as if by magic. A friend - who is a mum of two - announced to me that she wanted to drive a red convertible. Soon after, her boss told the staff he was going overseas and he asked if anyone fancied driving his car while he was away. His car was a red convertible! My friend drove it and had fun with it, but having had the luxury of it, she was happy to hand it back. She realised that it wasn't a great car to transport two children around. By having had the convertible as a notion, she was able to enjoy it. If obtaining a convertible had been a goal, she would have saved for it, bought it and the realised it wasn't the car for her after all. Be relaxed and say: "Wouldn't it be nice if we had a three-week holiday in Europe?" or "Wouldn't it be lovely to live in a bigger house?" and see what happens.
11. Be an angel
Do some acts of kindness without expecting anything in return - send an anonymous donation to a charity, spend an hour with someone who's lonely, send a letter of appreciation to a friend, let a driver into your line of traffic, or check on an elderly neighbour. By doing anonymous acts of kindness, you're taking the focus away from yourself and acting in a selfless way. This, in turn, will attract good deeds back to you.
12. Develop your courage
Exercise your courage muscle by taking more risks in life. Start small and ask your boss for more money, apologise to someone for hurting them, volunteer to give a presentation or speech, go to a movie or out for dinner alone, make that phone call you have dreaded or take a class in scuba diving. People who take risks are full of excitement and vitality and others see and appreciate their joie de vivre and charisma - far more attractive than being stuck in a rut, getting stale and dull.
