We sat in a plush corner of the conference hall - Pamela Eyring with her back erect and knees together, and me as stilly as I could, wondering whether there is a limit to the number of times I could brush an errant tussock of hair off from my forehead.
"Is it easy being a poster child for your profession?" I asked the US-based former chief of protocol who adds ‘planned presidential visits' on her CV.
A few hours earlier, she was speaking on the subject of protocol and how on one occasion she had to walk alongside Bill Clinton.
A Ron Howard comedy was perhaps - to the outsider - a strange way to introduce a lesson on protocol, especially at a training attended by high-ranking officials. But that's how it was done.
The film, Gung Ho, was about the takeover of an American car plant by a Japanese corporation, and the scene was of an American travelling to Japan to make a presentation to a Japanese management.
Amidst chuckles, Eyring, an elegant woman dressed in a formal black suit addressed the multi-cultural group. "That was a funny clip wasn't it? What did you notice?" she asked.
The officials pointed out the gaffes.
"It shows cultural awareness is important and that sarcasm doesn't translate internationally," explained Eyring, the president and director of (US-based) The Protocol School of Washington (PSOW) that trains government officials and business leaders in international protocol.
Again, to the outsider, her training module might have been understood as yet another business etiquette and image session.
Well, it was and it wasn't.
The weightiest fact was the Protocol Department of The Ruler's Court invited Eyring. That's commendable. The department manages and organises local and international protocol for His Highness Shaikh Mohammad Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice-President and Prime Minister of the UAE and Ruler of Dubai as well as the members of the ruling family and high-ranking officials. She later admitted it was a compliment to be invited for the third time.
At the training, Eyring was trying to communicate both through the movie and her introductory speech another fact: protocol prevents chaos in our global society.
She started with the basics - introduction. She instructed, "Introduce yourselves and each other."
After the flutter of voices and occasional pauses, Eyring proceeded to demonstrate the fundamentals, starting with eye contact in a business setting "focus attention in-between the eyes" and moving to handshaking hints "customs differ from country to country".
To say that it was just a lesson in etiquette is like saying Eyring is just an image consultant. She is the former chief of protocol at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, Dayton, Ohio, where she planned and directed military, government, international and civic ceremonies, special events and presidential visits. She has been featured in lofty publications such as The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times and The Washington Post.
So when she told the high-ranking officials about something as rudimentary as handshaking - and that men should wait for a woman to initiate a handshake in Asian and Arab countries - they didn't doubt the relevance or rigour of her lesson. They took her seriously. Just as seriously as the topics on accepted practices for official and social customs.
She asked them, "Has anyone been to an orchestra? What does the conductor do?"
She took a cue and said, "Yes, he manages instruments and skills. Protocol is a bit like an orchestra; you have to orchestrate different skills."
She segued into protocol tools like titles and forms of address; pitfalls and concerns of planning events; and logistics of official delegations and visits.
Back to the errant tussock.
Eyring paused, made eye contact and said, "I am always on stage with all the travelling, lectures and interviews. When I am backstage, which is rare, I don't think or act protocol. Like when I am with my family. We go out in our boat; I'll throw on my bathing suit. I'll eat fried chicken using my hands. But I am serious about protocol - it helps us build great relationships."
The moment I learnt about her occasional abandonment of dining rules, I relaxed. Prior to that I was uneasy given her experience (more than two decades) and despite the compliment "you have a good handshake - very appropriate, web to web contact". All through I kept debating whether it was OK to interrupt her dialogue.
"Is it difficult teaching protocol?" I probed.
She answered, "It is complex. Protocol is defined by rules - what we should do or shouldn't do, how we should behave, etc. The etiquette part of protocol is how we take these rules and portray them when we are dealing with people…"
I interjected (hesitantly), "So etiquette and protocol are different?"
"Yes," she replied. "Protocol has rules or formulas. In the Middle East that rule could be women do not shake hands with men. If a man accidentally offers his hand, the etiquette part is knowing to place your right hand on your heart and nod in acknowledgment. Protocol covers body language; listening skills; gestures; seating strategies... when I started out I was clueless."
Her personal story: she was working for the federal government in the US. One day a colleague suggested a job in the protocol department that handled the special events, parties and VIP visits. It sounded good so Eyring took it up.
"She [the colleague] lied to me! She didn't tell me that it was very hard. I had to work for a four-star general and learn about his international visitors - culture, native country, issues to stay away from, etc, before I could brief him. I had great mentors though. I worked from a protocol assistant, transitioned into education and training and left as the first civilian chief of protocol. After which I had the opportunity to purchase the Protocol School, the institute I graduated from," she says.
The Protocol School of Washington is accredited by the Accrediting Council for Continuing Education & Training (www.ACCET.org).
"Has protocol become a more critical term in today's political and cultural climate?" I asked.
"Our dependency on protocol has increased as electronic mediums threaten people skills, and the fact we are becoming more global. In today's climate, there is zero margin for error. We have to show our hospitality to conduct business. We need to make decisions based on knowledge. When you do something incorrectly, you learn by embarrassment; it is not the right way to learn."
Tempted I asked, "How does one extenuate a gaffe?"
"To recover, you don't make a big deal out of it," she said. "Let's say the situation is of you giving a person a hug only to realise that the recipient - through her body language and facial expression - is uncomfortable. The right thing to do is say you are sorry. Remember, consider how the other person feels, and learn not to be afraid of other cultures. We have more in common than we have different. We may prefer varied colours and styles, but we put our pants on the same way."
Inside info
Founded in 1988, The Protocol School of Washington (PSOW) has trained over 3,000 graduates from 45 countries with facilitators hailing from The White House, the Disney Institute, the Smithsonian and corporate America
Did you know?
The Protocol School of Washington (PSOW) is the first and only accredited business etiquette, image and international protocol school in the US.
By the way …
- Dependency on protocol has increased due to electronic medium of communication.
- In protocol, people make than decisions based on lack of knowledge.
- Reality shows go against the norms of protocol. Think The Real Housewives of O.C.
