If Keeping Up with the Kardashians was Big Brother Kim Kardashian would vote out her husband Kris Humphries. Her mother, Kris Jenner, would first axe her son Rob, closely followed by her hubby Bruce. Intrigued? You should be because this is one interview that just kept getting weirder.
Video: Kim Kardashian in Dubai
In a refreshingly candid chat Kim did nothing but entertain. While I'm a big fan of the family car-crash television shows, I will also admit to having a few reservations about meeting the star in person.
The family are constantly followed by an E! television crew, it's only natural to assume maybe they're all a bit crazy or unstable or just plain attention-seekers.
But having met Kim and Kris, I can tell you none of the above are even close to being accurate.
"When you do what we do, you have to be realistic," said Kim. "We have cameras following us all the time so being in the public eye is something which just goes with the territory."
Asked if every tiny detail of her recent wedding was planned by someone else in order to orchestrate optimum filming results, Kim said: "When you plan a wedding you need someone who is going to take control. I had to make so many decisions quickly because we didn't have too much time."
Funny, bubbly and strangely honest.
"I'd like to be a mum," she said. "Like I wish I had kids like 10 years ago. That way I could be best friends with them now. My mum had kids when she was like 20. By the time she was 30 she already had four so, you know, I see how close she is with me. But she's also close with my little sisters that she had at 40 and 42. I don't wanna wait too long."
Diet supplements, first dance wedding song, arguments with Kris, she doesn't hold back. Kim is Kim.
"It's harder to stay in shape when I travel so when I travel I take a diet supplement, Quick Trim, and it just gets my metabolism going and I'm not craving all the bad stuff you usually crave when you're traveling and stuff," she said.
"But usually I just enjoy the gym. I definitely have a sweet tooth so it's harder for me to watch what I eat but I love to work out. It's easy for me. I really like it. It releases stress. Every morning I get up and go. If I'm in LA then every day for an hour."
The second eldest of the Kardashian clan, Kim wasted no time getting to grips with Arabic culture during her first trip the Middle East.
Greeting the media at a press conference in Arabic (she'd spent a morning practising) Kim later admitted she still needed her "cheat sheet".
"You're not going to ask me how to say anything in Arabic, are you?" she whispered. "I'm really trying but it's hard for me to remember. I managed to find someone in the hotel to teach me some words in Arabic which was great," said the reality star. "It was really cool and everyone was like ‘Oh my God, how do you know that?' It's been really fun," added the 30-year-old.
"Before I came here, I really thought that there would be such a difference between home and here and to be honest I see so many similarities. I mean we were eating at Nobu and we all forgot where we were. We literally thought we were at home. To me it's disturbing that anyone would have a bad feeling about Middle Eastern people."
Blown away by Dubai, Kim accompanied by her mother, Kris, arrived in the UAE to launch the first Millions of Milkshakes store at The Dubai Mall on Friday.
The pair have already enjoyed meals at some of the country's top restaurants, have ventured into the desert and old Dubai to witness some of the emirate's culture and heritage.
So what's next? "I'm really focused on designing for our Kardashian Kollection. In the US we launched it at Sears and we're going to Australia in three weeks to launch our handbag range. You know I just love designing and I just wanna continue to do that and open up stores."
"There is so much opportunity here," said Kardashian. "We've got to start a hotel in Dubai and design all the different rooms. There were so many different things I was thinking of last night. It has been very easy and everyone has been so welcoming. I would love to bring my sisters here and film a season here."
Referring to the name of one of her reality shows, Kourtney and Kim Take New York, Kim added "We could take Dubai."
Bride-just-gone to bride-to-be
Kim doesn't flash her 20-carat engagement ring, in fact she sits on her hands. She's not embarrassed or ashamed, she's polite. Noticing my (tiny by comparison) diamond, Kim gushed about wedding planning and had plenty of advice from a girl who'd done it all before.
"They're all special in their own way aren't they?" she asked grabbing my finger in excitement. "It's beautiful. So many congratulations."
I considered how appropriate it would be to ask her to be a bridesmaid. She did everything you'd hope for and more. She squealed and smiled and wanted to know details. Better still had advice for my fiancé.
"Always give the girl the choices. Well, what she wants," she said in all seriousness.
"It was the hardest time. It is so stressful. There are lots of arguments along the way so someone has to take the lead. Someone has to be in control of the decisions. Kris wanted to get involved but then he was travelling so for me I had to make decisions really fast because we didn't have a lot of time. Then girls just always know better. Let the girl have her way."
Mother to Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Rob, Kendall and Kylie, Kris Jenner admits life in the Kardashian household isn't always easy.
"You walk a fine line because I wear a lot of different hats so it just depends on the situation, what's going on, and who needs me the most. I mean one of my younger kids might need me as their mum and somebody like Khloe that day might need me as her manager. So you just have to decide what's going on, on that day really," she said.
"I think I'm the same as anyone. I happen to have a big family with many big personalities so it is definitely a dance. Everybody has a lotta drama throughout their day. So you know, you just have to take each situation as it comes and one day at a time."
While 55-year-old Jenner is every bit aware of the potential sacrifices the family makes due to the constant camera following she firmly believes the benefits far outweigh the negatives.
"You know, I consider myself one of the luckiest women in the world because I get to get up every day and work with my kids and it doesn't get any better than that," she said.
"Our family is the most important part of our lives so we make it a point that we must have family time. I mean what you guys see on television is 22 minutes of a 30-minute show. We definitely film all year long. We're always in perpetual production, which is so exciting. And we love to work together as a family. The time I cherish is important. I'm looking forward to December because we're off a lot and we're gonna take some time and celebrate the holidays and just all be together. We all love to travel together and to play together and to work together so that is our family time."
If Keeping up with the Kardashians was Big Brother who would be voted out first?
"Probably Rob. Because he's so dominated by all the strong female personalities," said Kris Jenner with little hesitation. "Rob and Bruce would be kicked to the kerb. That would be my vote. It's us girls. Girl power."
When the same question was asked to Kim, she said: "Kris [her husband] - just because it's really weird for him to get used to all the cameras. He would vote me off and I'd vote him off so we could be together in Minnesota."