Holding on to the past is like being trapped in a time warp. “I had a very bad breakup” or “I was a lonely child” are examples of some of the things we tend to repeat over and over in our heads, creating a self-limiting loop that can hold us back.
Naturally it’s important to learn from past experiences. They help to inform the future and teach us what works in life and what doesn’t. But there is one thing about the past: you can’t change it. It’s immutable and as such focusing on something you can’t change becomes wasted energy. The present and the future, however, are yours to shape.
Having said this, it’s right to acknowledge that sometimes it’s hard to let go of past experiences. On some level, they are likened to badges of honour; reminders of who you used to be. But would it not serve you better to acknowledge your current strengths and use them to your advantage?
Even holding on to so-called positive events from the past can create limitations in our lives. Some people like to talk a lot about the time they believe they were at their best. Harking back to past successes is normal, but make sure you are not so submerged in them that you forget to create your own version of success today.
Thinking that your best times have gone is, in itself, potentially closing the doors on new, life enhancing experiences. As long as we’re capable of doing so, we should be pushing our boundaries, finding new challenges and try living up to the Latin motto ‘Carpe Diem’!
Don’t let your yesterday eat up your today. Here are some tips to help you let go of the past:
Forgiveness is never easy, but forgiving others and yourself is immensely liberating if you manage to achieve it. As Ghandi said, “Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” And in that very act you will gain the strength to move on.
Sometimes the past can act like a comfort blanket, no matter how negative it was, we still feel more secure with the negativity than we do with the unknown. Gaining the right support to bolster your self-confidence and find the positive lessons in negative experiences will help you to stop repeating destructive behaviour patterns and allow you to build strong foundations on which to build a future.
Be defined by your present. Understand that you are not your past and that the present is yours to live. By holding on to the past, you limit your ability to experience any new kind of joy now. Who knows? There might be something better coming up. The only way to find out is to let go of what has come and gone.
When you find yourself dwelling on what has gone before, one of the most effective techniques to distract yourself is to ‘channel’. Do something positive for someone else, focus all your attention on contributing to the well being of others, because your kindness could be rewarded in kind! This way you can have a positive impact on the lives of others and at the same time nourish your own sense of self-worth. No matter how small the act, it will make you feel better about yourself.
Focus on the now. Make a commitment to stop living in your past but to be present and open to all possibilities so you can create the life you want. Make each day so full of meaning that there is no room to inhabit yesterday.
While it is okay to appreciate or honour the past, don't cling on to it so much that it becomes the limiting story of your life. Let go and let the past only serve to empower you and remind you of how much you've experiened and how much more there is yet to experience...
