OK, I know I’m on the verge of becoming (or maybe I have already?) one of those people who is a bore about the end of their relationship but, I swear, in my everyday life I barely mention it — it’s just you guys who get to read about it ad nauseam. Lucky you.
But, I’m really enjoying being single. Mostly. OK, so I miss having a friend who’s always there for me and I miss having some pretty solid future plans. But those are also the things that are the best things about being single. When my previous relationship broke up, I felt like a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle — you know, one of those really tricky ones of a picture of baked beans or something — that had been taken apart and shaken up and that would take a lot of effort, time and patience to piece together.
This time I feel the same, except that I don’t want to piece it together. I want to make some kind of modern art installation out of it. Something 3D and completely new. Does that make sense? I don’t want to rebuild what’s changed. I want something new, something I never thought of before. My life goes from 2D to 3D now.
I mean, it will do as soon as I’ve stopped eating every dessert in sight. Why is that something I feel I must do when I’m a bit sad? Or happy? Or bored? Or busy? Maybe I just use any excuse to over-eat desserts. That could be it. My goodness, I ate enough nougat to sink a small ship last night. No regrets — it’s part of the healing process.
It’s taking quite a long time for me to get out of the habits I had in a relationship — coming home early and not going to the gym after work. I’m now rediscovering that I love seeing friends after work. I love to go for a late evening swim (yes 9pm counts as late evening). I love to just be able to do what I want to. It’s kind of like being released from jail for the first time in 18 months.
The petty part of me wants to tell him that but, of course, we all know the best way to show you’ve moved on and you’re fabulous is to take the upper hand and just keep your Facebook profile open and post loads of fab pics of you looking gorgeous and having fun. I’m mature, so I’m doing that.
In the meantime, dating is awful on the whole. Mostly the people who get in touch with me on this app have some kind of weird session with the fact I lift weights. A lot of men have mentioned that I may lift them if I so please. Erm, no thanks, I’m good. At least it’s good for a laugh if nothing else.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that every other part of my life has intensified as its gained more ground in my life. I guess it’s like when they say people who lose their sight suddenly smell everything better, notice the feel of things, the taste. I feel a bit like that, too.
I’ve started to enjoy my job more, look forward to work minibreaks more, cherish my time in the gym. Just generally cherish time. Time alone, time with other people. Whatever. I have so much of it now and what I choose to do with it is entirely up to me. This week it may be dessert-eating but, in future weeks I’m confident I’ll be off having lots of adventures. I’ve missed them. Perhaps settling down never will be for me, after all. I was just trying it on for size.
