YES
Kate Birch
Relying on someone to be brutally honest with you is one of the best things about having great girlfriends. A friend is the reality check between what you think of yourself and what others will say behind your back because they are too polite or too mean to say it to your face. A friend tells you the truth (or they should) because you need to hear it... and there are no repercussions, no hidden agenda, like there would be if the message came from your husband or mother.
From social faux pas to fashion disasters, friends are there to tell you when you get it right and, more importantly, wrong. So if you've got spinach between your teeth, are wearing jeans two sizes too small for you or just being a bitch - expect a true friend to set you straight. That's what friends are for.
"True friends are those wonderful people in our lives that we can trust and rely on in times of need," says Dubai-based life coach Michelle Burton-Aoun.
"Telling your friend the truth would never hurt as much as your friend finding out you were untruthful to them and that they cannot trust you. No matter how bitter the truth, convey it with empathy and in the most positive way you can."
Easy enough to say Michelle, but what do you do when a friend of ten years who has struggled with weight problems crams herself into a dress that's tighter than Greece's austerity measures and asks how she looks? How do you break it to her gently that she looks like a hippo in hotpants? Do you have to be cruel to be kind?
"There is a fine line between honesty and nastiness," agrees Michelle. "Choose your words well so as not to make your friend feel bad. If your friend is overweight but happy with who she is, telling her she is overweight would make her feel bad as she never wanted an opinion on her weight.
"If your friend is unfit, and wants to lead a healthy lifestyle, you can say you know she is not as healthy as she wants to be and she can work towards that goal of leading a healthier lifestyle. Then you have done your friend a service."
OK, the said friend may take offence (it happens) but if the friendship is important to you both, she'll get over the initial hurt, appreciate your advice and trust will be deepened.
So is there a limit to the truth taboo? Superficial comments about a friend's hair, outfit or sweat problem can be hurtful yet helpful, but what if it is something more serious, like a cheating spouse? What to do in that situation?
I say, put yourself in their (last-season) shoes. Would I want to be told? Damn right I would! And by that standard, I would always tell a close friend the truth - whatever the outcome.
As Michelle says, there is a thin line between being honest and being plain mean. So as long as your heart is in the right place and you genuinely have the best interests of your friend at heart, I don't think you can ever go wrong with telling friends the truth.
NO
Louisa Wilkins
I know what you're thinking and I agree. Of course honesty is important between friends - as it is in any relationship. In fact, it is more than important, it is prerequisite; true friendship simply won't blossom without it. But does this mean you should tell your friend that her thighs weren't made for short skirts, or her Facebook updates are cringeworthy, or her karaoke rendition of Whitney's I Will Always Love You makes your ears bleed? No, I don't think you should. And here's why: there's a lot more to friendship than honesty.
Maybe I'm in denial, but I don't always want to hear the brutal truth about my faults. As someone who messes up frequently - and knows it - I want to feel free to be myself and to speak honestly with my pals about my misdemeanours without them passing judgement. You're my friend, not my mother - and even she doesn't shoot me down in flames. Also, when you slip up, do you want me to shout about it? I doubt it.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes I might ask for a friend's opinion, in which case, go ahead - take the kid gloves off and don't hold back. But the rest of the time, I want my friends to be kind, caring, supportive and uplifting. Yes, honesty is on the list, but in the sense of being authentic, transparent, open and having integrity. Not in the sense of cutting me down like a redneck audience on some horrendous American talk show. If I embarrass you, or you don't like my clothes, or you think my taste in men stinks, I'm sorry about that. But I'm unlikely to change.
Similarly, if my friend is happy with her unusual clothes, her bad dancing, or her dull husband, who am I to say otherwise? Just because it's not right for me, doesn't mean it's not good for her. Friends are allowed to have differences.
Evelyn Heffermehl, relationship coach at Lighthouse Coaching (www.lighthousecoaching.ae), says this topic made her stop and think. She says, "At first I thought, ‘Of course you must always be honest.' But the more I thought about it, the more I changed my mind. Firstly, you may think you have your friend's best interests at heart, but are you looking at it through your own eyes? Also, if she is happy, enjoy the qualities you appreciate about her without pointing out what you dislike. The French say, ‘Not all truths are good to say'." This is true. If you don't like the cake your buddy made you, or think her baby girl looks like a toothless old man, are you going to tell her? I'd hope not. Evelyn says, "If telling the truth means you hurt her feelings, or that you are rude... or if it makes her feel stupid, or diminishes her happiness in some way, there is no benefit. Yes, it is good to be an honest friend, but it is more important to be caring." I quite agree.
At this point in life, I think I'd prefer a friend who wants me to be happily imperfect rather than perfect and unhappy - who cares and listens, through cheers and tears. And who couldn't give a monkey's about the size of my thighs.
What you say
"It's better to tell them before a stranger does. It's a friend's duty. Friends aren't just for coffee and gossip. It is the important stuff that counts."
– Aquarius fan Bushi Al-Bukhsh
“It’s not what you say but how you say it... you prefer the other dress because it fits like a glove, etc. For embarrassing behaviour, have a quiet word, one to one!”
– Aquarius fan Lucy White
"Be honest, but be nice."
– Aquarius fan Natasha Rego
"Yes we should tell her, but when she is alone and politely."
– Aquarius fan Sabeen Mansoor
"Yes! There will surely be sulks, but they should be told and quite bluntly! Be harsh and honest once and hopefully it will be resolved."
– Aquarius fan Dee Aplonia
