Psychologists say parents today are already under a lot of pressure in regards to raising their children Image Credit: Supplied picture
Tiger mum Amy Chua urges strict Asian parents to avoid the "romanticised" Western focus on creativity over hard work. The Chinese-American law professor at Yale University sparked a global debate with her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, a "family satire" in which she attributed her children's success to her achievement-oriented parenting regime.
Inevitably, parents such as Filipina DK Herrera, 29, say they have felt pressured to do a better job of raising their kids after reading what is the latest parenting page-turner. "I thought especially about the excellence my child would achieve through that kind of treatment, but I realised if I am the child, I wouldn't want my parents to treat me like that," says Herrera.
Psychologists say parents today are already under a lot of pressure in regards to raising their children. "The newspapers are full of reports about guilty working mums or couch-potato children. [And] on the TV, you will be told what you should and shouldn't be putting into your children's lunch boxes," says Linda Sakr, Counselling Psychologist, Dubai Community Health Centre.
Working mothers in Dubai are no different from their counterparts around the world. Most admit to being more liberal with their children and more generous with "stuff" than their parents were. "I feel I may be more indulgent than my parents were, possibly to offset my typical working-mum guilt," 30-year-old American Zeba Khan, Director of AutismUAE and mother of three, tells GN Focus.
In the book, Chua says Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions and providing positive reinforcement. The Chinese, by contrast, feel the best way to prepare their children for the future is by letting them see what they are capable of and arming them with skills and confidence.
"I think some parents place a lot of stress on themselves to be seen as ‘good' parents and this can easily relate into them becoming too involved in their children's lives while others take this to the extreme and remain quite uninvolved in their children's lives," says Carmen Benton, a Parenting Educator/Educational Consultant at LifeWorks Counselling and Development.
Styles of parenting
Rather than follow strictly Asian or Western principles, mums in Dubai have evolved their own styles of parenting, combining cultural, religious and personal values, but they do not neglect academic achievement. Meraj Rizvi, 40, a publisher and mother to a teenage daughter, says academic achievement is important so as to give children a strong base for success. "In today's competitive world it is extremely necessary to groom one's child to deal with the competitions and challenges of life...at least [for] children who come from a protected environment such as the Gulf."
Frenchwoman Emeline Defaut, 34, a full-time working mother, agrees: "In a country where the tiger culture was established, one might have to adapt to the local culture, but since the UAE is so multicultural you can choose your style."
When children get ready to go back to school, parents get ready to continue the education that only they can give. Michael Panagiotakis, 40, says, "School, apart from teaching academics, teaches conduct, cooperation and society rules. [The focus of] our teaching is and will be on life itself and [we] will try to promote our child's strengths, invest in them and make sure the weaknesses are corrected or coped with properly. Of course, as every expat here in the UAE would do, we [educate] our children about their origins/roots, language and traditions."
Chinese, Filipino, Greek, Indian, American or French, parents from different communities stress on the aspects they value most. Defaut sums it up aptly: "I did not choose to have children so they could be the best achievers. I chose to have children to see them growing into confident and happy individuals."
