Looking into ways to be included

Forget about hierarchy, sections and departments, when it comes to socialisation offices are often split by groups of workers who have mutual interests. Moms and dads share immediate connection by sharing tales of their children, sports fans don't suffer to make small talk, and people from similar background gravitate to each other. You get the idea.

These office relationships often develop into social activities outside the office, and while the variety of interests create opportunities for everyone to eventually belong to one group or another, many might end up feeling left out because of either being new in the workplace, lacking any common interest, or just for some unknown reason.

This lack of a personal connection with coworkers can become a major source of stress even if it is not essential to the technical side of doing your job. It also can impact the informal view of your social skills in your performance assessment, if your job requires people skills.

That is why it is important to look into why you're being ignored or left out of social activities and try to address them, if feasible:

The basics

Are you a 55-year-old married father of three in an office of singles in their mid-20s? This can be one simple reason.

Age, language, social or cultural background, unconventional views can all push people away from you even if they don't express their prejudice out loud. While there may be little that you can do about being yourself, knowing that it is just a matter of incompatibility may be a relief. Maintain a professional relationship and respect your worker's choice, which might encourage some to open up, ignore the difference and get to know you better.

Your limits

New hires often face a problem as they fail to become part of a well-established group of their peers. They may find the history that is shared among other members of the group intimidating and retreat further into their shell. This might give an impression of being cold and unfriendly, and make the situation worse. If your find that your shyness is in the way, you need to consciously demonstrate an outgoing personality and be willing to take steps to build relationships instead of waiting to be invited.

Remember, people may be so cautious so that they don't overwhelm a newcomer. If you appear conservative and secretive, they may be leaving you alone out of respect for your boundaries.

Business first

If you're working with a small group of coworkers, you may be initially judged by your professional performance rather than your coolness. That is because in today's lean office structures, everyone has to pull their weight to make sure none of the others is overworked. Keep your work up to the mark if you want to be seen as courteous, reliable and trustworthy. The transition from a professional relationship to a personal one may be a safer path in reality. In the beginning of any job, there are too many aspects to deal with and adding a full-scale social setting may simply complicate the situation.

One on one

If you're finding it difficult to jump into an established group, try to develop one-on-one relationships. You can begin with a close coworker or another person who shares a common interest — again anything from football to kids. You can invite this person to join you for lunch or coffee where you can have a less formal conversation. This person might end up your connection to the larger group.

Company functions

One easy step into socialisation is to show up for company social functions like iftars, birthdays, farewell parties, and so on. Your presence shows your interest in becoming a member of the larger group, and provides a less-formal opportunity for chatting and socializing with different people in a different setting. Have something interesting to say or take sincere interest in what others' chats.

Politically driven

Interests aside, a newcomer into a workplace may be missing the underlying reasons for certain groups' structure and goals. In many offices who is hanging out with whom is a matter of politics and advancement agendas. So don't stress too much if you cannot see a logical reason for being left out. One group or another will try eventually to attract you to its ranks and that is when you will need to make a decision on how much you're willing to pay for this membership.

Rania Oteify, a former Gulf News Business Features Editor, is currently a journalist based in Seattle.