Dubai: For Sally, 32, a beautician, the worst conversations start with "Did you hear about so-and-so?"
The vicious gossip about Sally, the newest stylist to join a ladies beauty salon in Sharjah, among her older workmates became so unbearable that she quit her first job in the UAE.
Research shows that about two-thirds of human conversation is devoted to social topics, personal relations and problems, but only five per cent of gossip is negative, according to Samineh Shaheem, an adjunct university lecturer and consultant at the Human Relations Institute.
In a small salon of five aestheticians, who were driving away the "newbies" with their tongue-lashing to keep their customers and tips, it was not long before the boss got wind of it, she said. "Gossip at work affects your psyche… the boss gets the opposite picture of your performance. It affects your work 100 per cent."
Human resource experts and social psychologists say gossip lowers the odds of being promoted, damages your reputation and affects you physiologically, but some harmless "chewing the fat" can strengthen bonds between workers.
"My strongest advice if you want to get ahead on the corporate ladder is to position yourself as someone who is beyond gossip," said Andrew McNeilis, managing director of Talent 2 for Middle East and Africa, which specialises in executive search and HR consulting.
"Rise above the gossip — aim to be seen as the centre of Factual Control not Rumour Control and do not in anyway let people try and gossip with you."
If you are a career-minded person, make sure you can separate the corporate facts from gossip, rumours, fiction and office politics, he added.
People who get promoted tend to be the ones who use the facts to their best career advantage, he emphasised.
"Being a gossip just says you do not know the facts and are well down the corporate food chain," he said. I would always shy away from promoting a known office monger."
Gossip, while not restricted to one profession, is often a way to fill the information vacuum in companies where there is little transparency in internal communications, he said. Such people are often not close to the information source.
Gossips are often associated with those who breach trust and confidence. "Who in their right mind would want to be seen as an untrustworthy, indiscrete employee?"
So his advice on gossiping is simple: "Don't listen to gossip and don't pass on gossip. The four most potentially damaging words are ‘did you hear about…?'
Gossip is not just a career-buster, it is also harmful to your body and mind, said Shaheem.
Just thinking about a negative or stressful situation like gossip circulating about you at work increases your stress levels, affects blood pressure, causes heart palpitations, and the stress hormone Cortisol floods your system, she explained.
Rude or unfair judgments in the form of malicious gossip can also create confusion, anxiety, nervousness, fatigue and panic attacks, she added.
Sally, now in a new workplace, has stopped trusting her colleagues after her previous experience and takes a fly-on-the-wall approach to gossip. "It's better to know what is going on but without being in the picture. Hear and see but don't talk," she advises.
For others, gossip does not have such a negative connotation and can be a source of comfort in the daily grind of work.
"Harmless chitchat and sharing of opinion with a colleague can lighten the day and bring two people closer," said Tasneem Raza, a public relations executive. "One trustworthy friend is all a woman needs to pour out her thoughts and emotions."
According to a study featured in the Harvard Business Review last year, gossip can benefit people in organisations where information from the top gets choked off when companies are in crisis, it helps people cope with uncertainty, and disseminates valuable information about a network — who's a free rider, bully, tough to work with, said researcher Giuseppe Labianca, an Associate Professor of Management at the University of Kentucky.
Why do employees gossip at work?
At the heart of gossip is the age-old human tradition of storytelling. As children we love and listen to stories, gossiping is the adult version of that childhood favourite.
- Many people spend more time with workmates that with their own families and idle gossip sometimes helps to create bonds between colleagues.
- Have a better understanding of the social environment at work
- Establish informal influence
- Deal with anxiety and stress at work, especially when management does not fill the information gap.
- Filling a void in the conversation when silence becomes uncomfortable
- Belonging to a group with similar views
- Relieving boredom
- Putting down a colleague to feel better about yourself, which usually comes from a lack of self-esteem
- Taking "revenge" on people who humiliate, offend, dismiss or talk down to you
- Unmasking the negative side of colleagues, especially if they are getting praise and attention from the boss or other workmates.
- Getting attention
- Fear of losing their job, especially during the global recession, pushes them to eliminate the competition by gossiping about others.
— (Sources: Giuseppe Labianca, Associate Professor of Management at the University of Kentucky's LINKS Centre for Research on Social Networks in Business. Samineh Shaheem, Consultant at Human Relations Institute and assistant professor of psychology)
Psychological profile of a gossipmonger
Some personality types are more likely to gossip than others. Experts say they tend to be:
- Sociable and seek emotional bonds with colleagues
- Initiative takers who want to stay at the top of their game
- Insecure
- Talkative
- Vindictive
- Pessimistic
- Cynical
- Complainers
- Unable to admit their mistakes
- Attention seekers
- Selfish
- Unsympathetic and callous
— (Sources: Giuseppe Labianca, Associate Professor of Management at the University of Kentucky's LINKS Centre for Research on Social Networks in Business. Samineh Shaheem, Consultant at Human Relations Institute)
How to avoid falling in the gossip trap
- If colleagues ask you inappropriate questions about others, end the conversation quickly with "I don't know."
- Ask questions directly from the source of information rather than relying on hearsay
- If a co-worker is the target of gossip, tell him/her what is being said. They may return the favour later.
- Be empathetic: Imagine how you felt if you were the subject of gossip
- Managers should create a culture of support and cooperation rather than let manipulation and malicious competition fester
- Managers should keep employees busy: idle people get bored and are more likely to gossip.
— (Source: Samineh Shaheem, Consultant at Human Relations Institute and assistant professor of psychology)
Tips: What to do when gossip hurts
- Do not ignore the problem. If you hear idle or malicious gossip about you deal with it.
- Tell your boss that you are aware of it, explain that it is not true and make it clear that you will not tolerate it
- Ask the boss for his/her support on the issue
- Confront the person spreading the gossip but make sure your boss is in on that conversation
- Maintain eye contact, make it clear to the person that it is not true, that they overstepped the mark, lost your trust and confidence and that their actions were unprofessional and hurtful
- Get to the source of the gossip and deal with that person in the same way
(Source: Andrew McNeilis, regional managing director of Talent 2 International)
