Confidence is a funny thing. Just when you think you couldn't possibly possess any more of it, something unexpected can whip around the corner and wind you, knocking every last ounce from your body.
Trying to stand up straight, I squinted past the beam of four spotlights marking a very lonely spot on a giant black hole of a stage.
But first let me take you back 24 hours. You see, having purchased a copy of the musical soundtrack for Hairspray and hummed along to the opening number, my confidence levels started to build. "I can do this," I told myself.
Video: tabloid! tries out for Hairspray
By early evening I'd nailed it. Good Morning Baltimore had been conquered, words and all, and agreeing to audition for Hairspray, the highly successful Broadway musical, didn't seem like such a crazy idea after all.
Before I knew it, I was hairbrush in hand, track on repeat and imagining myself belting out the high notes to my adoring audience.
Admittedly, a few neighbours complained, but I figured that's just because they had to hear the same number over and over again, so I decided to mix it up and learn another. Mr Larkin from upstairs and Mrs Holmes from next door weren't huge fans of my second choice, You Can't Stop the Beat, so I called it a day and hit the hay dreaming of my big audition.
Two left feet
"Where's the Tracy Turnblad wannabee?" asked director Julian Chenery as youngsters filed from both sides of stage like well-trained army cadets. Torn between ducking under my chair or yelling "don't leave me" to the exiting kids, I couldn't help but notice how the stage looked 10 times bigger than before.
An awful lot of pointing, shimmying, stepping and bouncing later I'd apparently picked up a dance routine for Run and Tell That — a musical number sung by Motormouth Maybelle.
They say everyone has a performer inside, just waiting to break free and I thought this was my time. Not so much. Pigtails in place I forced a smile and pretended not to notice the four teenage boys who attempted but failed miserably to conceal their critique of my two left feet.
What's worse, I had to credit the same boys with the fact they'd already proved their talent and were selected to appear in the show which opens on Tuesday.
Maybe I can redeem myself with the singing? I knew every word, I reminded myself. It would appear not.
So back to where I began this story. One of the spotlights is shining in my eye, but I stop myself putting my hand up to block out the beam because maybe they'll judge me immediately and think I can't handle life on the stage.
The music starts and nothing comes out. "Sing Kelly, sing," I tell myself. "Sing you fool... you have to sing. Just sing anything!"
Relief as the first line came from somewhere within was followed by immediate panic as the pure excitement of singing the first line made me forget everything past line two. Luckily for me a very kind and forgiving audience of non-judgmental teenagers, all of whom have been through this nerve-wracking process, helped as the words dried up and nothing but the jaunty piano remained.
Maybe it was the bright pink, over-sized, feather-lined dress which made me forget the words I thought I knew so well. Maybe it was the musical accompaniment, because it wasn't quite the same as at home. Maybe I didn't eat enough breakfast. Or maybe, just maybe, it was hard. Plain and simple.
So I didn't get a call back (surprise, surprise), but that's just because all the parts have been cast. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
However, I did get four yes votes from the judges who marked me X Factor-style. "You can sing and dance Kelly," said Chenery. "But most of all you have the Hairspray personality and that's all that counts. It's a big yes from all of us," he added as my audience cheered and clapped and I soaked up my moment of fame.
Confidence built, lost, stripped and on the way back up again, I made my way off the stage and headed to wardrobe.
"Get the dress off, love," screamed head of wardrobe Anthony Stuart-Hicks, who also plays Tracy's mother, Edna. "I've got to get it washed and pressed before the show," he said, pulling it over my head. "There is washing to be done, shoes to be polished and wigs to be hairsprayed in place."
"All right, all right," I thought. "No need to make a song and dance of it". Boom, boom.
Don't Miss it
Hairspray is on at the Centrepoint Theatre, Ductac, Mall of the Emirates from Tuesday until Saturday. Tickets start from Dh150. Call 04-3414777.
