Prince – It's Showtime
Skintight leather outfits, superhuman powers, a bunch of baddies waiting to be thrashed and three gorgeous damsels in distress? It had (almost) all the magic ingredients for a super-hit flick, yet Prince hit rock-bottom. And it had only an incomprehensible script and an overtly ambitious cheeky hero to blame for its disastrous performance at the box office.
After maverick movie-maker Mani Ratnam spun him his biggest hit ever in Guru, Bachchan Junior appeared overconfident about being paired with his green-eyed better half again for Raavan. His inconsistent act evidently endorsed his complacency. If anything, being pitched against powerhouse performer Vikram, who played the same part in the Tamil version, should have rung alarm bells about the role.
Shah Rukh Khan
My Name is Khan
Bollywood's biggest star he may well be, but even the big players can still make mistakes. And this one, by far, is his worst. SRK's unintentionally comical take on a man suffering from Asperger's syndrome elevates him to pole position in this category. His bizarre expressions, random jerky moves and staccato dialogue delivery appeared too exaggerated, eliciting laughs rather than empathy.
Right Yaa Wrong
Sunny Deol was massive in the 1980s, no doubt, but let's face it, his receding hairline is a clear indicator that his triple-decade old antics should now be put out to pasture. While it was the strikingly flawed script that ruined this murder mystery, what remains etched in our memory is nothing but Deol's ridiculous wig!
Khelein Hum Je Jaan Sey
It's rumoured that Amitabh Bachchan pressured an unknown film-maker couple from releasing their version of the Chittagong revolution so that his blue-eyed boy could have a go at taking Ashutosh Gowariker's film to the big screen. The verdict, however, was a pretty wonky historical recreation.
We R family
Blatantly lifting from existing Hollywood movies isn't a novelty in Bollywood. But, when the deed is made official – and a mockery of – then it's cause for serious concern. While the Julia Roberts vehicle, Stepmom, worked wonders globally, its Bollywood edition seemed flawed and fractured. The creative tweaks in the storyline messed it up further.
A celluloid lesson in why failed actors shouldn't turn to directing. Hansraj's lack of formal training or understanding of the craft resulted in an enormous cinematic blunder. And despite pairing geeky, relative newcomer Uday Chopra with a super-hot Priyanka Chopra, watching was still a mission impossible.
Now, we're not entirely sure if talk of her name being misappropriated for this project is true, but any director worth their salt would have sensibly disassociated themselves from this slithery botch-up that was entirely shot with amateurish special effects. Definitely no snake charmer!
He's all about serving up mush for the big screen that's all gloss and no guts. So, when Johar tackles terrorism with his trademark aplomb, it's quite disconcerting. And in a script littered with inconsistencies, the random guy who played Barack Obama was so bizarre, that having to watch his portrayal will surely soon be banned as a 'cruel and unusual act' under the Geneva Convention.
Jhootha Hi Sahi
May we present exhibit A of how a talent-light pretty face makes a splash on the big screen, thanks to her hubby being the film-maker. Pakhi might have thought she'd nudge her way into stardom with this role but alas, with that expressionless face, it was a little like being subjected to three hours of cinematic Botox for the eyes.
If Colin Farrell ever found out that Khan was essentially reprising his role in 2002 Hollywood movie Phone Booth, then he'd be in for a bit of a shock. For while a then-rising Farrell coaxed plenty of drama from his metre-square surroundings, Khan let his ridiculous mop-top haircut do it for him. Less 'ring, ring' more 'wrong wrong'!
My Name is Khan
While the best Bollywood moves are often reserved for the women, the guys do get a go at showing off some cool moves sometimes. And whilst the choreographer is often spot on, this was not one of those times, with SRK's peculiar moves – which included flinging his arms vigorously in the air – and ultimately failing to capture the essence of the track Sajda.
Tees Maar Khan
Editor Shirish Kunder was fairly unknown until he tied the knot with film-maker Farah Khan, so when he set out to write a movie script, we could have written the first draft about the outcome ourselves! His tale ('inspired' by After the Fox) of a thief conning an entire village into smuggling gold is hopelessly daft.
Admittedly a Bollywood talent, Kareena sells herself short to play a bimbette in a popular comic franchise. It'll definitely rake in the cash, we agree, but not our affection. And that's exactly why she finds a slot among our pick of the duds.
OK, so she's got the sartorial finesse and all the frills that go along with it, but when it comes to acting, we aren't quite sure Sonam makes the cut. Her home production Aisha, merely plays up her fashion fetish and nothing else. Yes, Prada is drool-worthy, but blatantly shoving the brand down our throats isn't stylish. Next time, may we suggest a storyline synopsis more substantial than: 'Woman wears mascara and heels'.
Mallika might have, literally, got right under the skin of her character, but even that horrific retina-burning image won't allow her to slide ahead in Bollywood. In fact, the world's reptiles could get together and sue her for malicious misrepresentation of their species and there's not a judge in the land who wouldn't convict. Ssssssssshameful.