As David Letterman announces his retirement from the Late Show, we look back at his 10 most memorable quotes:
“I think the longer we just sit here, the more uncomfortable it will make Jay.” — Letterman after sharing awkward silence with Conan O’Brien following the fellow talk show host’s mix-up with Jay Leno in 2012.
“You’re going to be sick for weeks. You won’t be out of the egg for a month.” — Letterman to Lady Gaga after the outlandish pop star put his notes in her mouth during an appearance in 2011.
“The creepy stuff was that I have had sex with women who worked for me on this show. Now, my response to that is yes I have. I have had sex with women who worked on this show. Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would, especially for the women.” — Letterman addressing an extortion scandal that led him to bare his infidelities on the show in 2009.
“Joaquin, I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight.” — Letterman to Joaquin Phoenix after the Walk the Line star’s bizarre 2009 interview in which he claimed he was dropping acting to become a hip-hop musician.
“This doesn’t smell right. This is not the way a tested hero behaves. Somebody’s putting something in his Metamucil.” — Letterman after Republican presidential candidate Sen John McCain cancelled his appearance at the last minute in 2008.
“How’d you like being in jail?” — Letterman to Paris Hilton following her lockup in 2007.
“If you didn’t believe it before — and it’s easy to understand how you might have been sceptical on this point — if you didn’t believe it before, you can absolutely believe it now: New York City is the greatest city in the world.” — Letterman during his monologue on his first show back after the September 11 attacks in 2001.
“While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.” — Letterman during his monologue on his first show after heart surgery in 2000.
“I can’t thank you enough for that.” — Letterman after Drew Barrymore flashed him on his birthday in 1995.
“I wanna thank you folks for coming in for this run-through show. Thank you very much. This, of course, will never see the light of day. You won’t miss a thing tonight.” — Letterman to the audience after Madonna repeatedly cursed during an interview in 1994.
