Authoritarian parents rely on their stern ways to best shape their children but it’s often said that stricter parenting styles lead to rebellious youngsters instead. Whereas, excessive leniency can also result in misbehaved children. What parenting styles work best? Gulf News readers debate
Build a relationship
Raising strictness levels is never an answer
Children follow us for everything. If parents remain their friends, they do come and share everything with them just like my daughters do. They also consciously or subconsciously, seek guidance. While being their friends, we can control and advise them, simultaneously letting them have an independent life.
As parents, they always look at us as their best friends and mentors until we start ignoring them and their questions. Over a period of time, it turns them rebellious and they express it through their actions. To counter that, parents raise the level of strictness. Instead, we need to identify the cause of their displeasure and mend it at that root level.
Children are our reflections. We need a lot of changes in our own self before dictating what’s right and wrong. Hence, there are no ‘bad kids’ and the only important question is: How seriously are we taking the concept of raising them?
From Mr Dilbag Singh Thakr
Architect based in Sharjah
Don’t instil fear
Authoritarianism can lead to low self-esteem
Every coin has two sides, as the saying goes. What does my child do at school? How do they behave with their peer and teachers? These and many more questions we ask ourselves when we think of our parenting styles. Am I too lenient or am I being too strict? What will be the future of my child? The most difficult task in today’s tech-savvy society is nurturing and grooming one’s own child.
Strict parenting may be producing better behaved children for many. But according to me, children who are punished quiet often for petty reasons, constant discipline and authoritarianism, produces children with lower self-esteem, who tend to behave worse than other children. It leads to behavioural problems instead.
They learn to obey, but they don’t learn to think for themselves. Later in life, they will not question authority when they should. They’re less likely to take responsibility for their actions and would be more willing to follow the peer group.
Children learn what they see and their parents are their role models. If they do what we want because they fear us, we have lost our child. We no longer know what is going on inside their minds. Was the “yes”, they said affirmative or out of compulsion?
So strict parenting makes for unhappy parents. And children who are parented strictly end up fighting with parents and carrying a chip on their shoulder. As they get older, they look for love in all the wrong places.
From Mr Kavish Hassan
Mechanical engineer based in Ajman
Unpredictable
There’s no specific ‘right’ way of parenting
In my opinion this question does not have a right answer, parents play a big role in their child’s life but at the end of the day the choices lie in the hands of the child. My parents are kind of strict but only in things that matter to them such as my results, my behaviour towards other people, but their rules do not make me a bad child. I know a lot of children who have very easy-going parents that let them do whatever they want whenever they want, and they do not exactly fall under the ‘good kid’ category. Parents that are more lenient are easy to talk to thus their child might feel more comfortable telling them their plans and what they have been up to. It is hard to talk to parents that are sterner but that does not mean that they are raising disobedient or bad offspring.
It also depends on how strict the parents are, if they are unnecessarily strict, it causes children to be annoyed and feel caged and that is usually when they start to rebel. At the end of the day it’s not about how strict or lenient parents are, it’s about what they teach their children and the morals they instil within them. I’ve bonded with a lot of people and it made me realize children do things based on what they want and that has nothing to do with their parents being strict or not.
From Ms Firuse Shahana
Marketing student based in Dubai
Discuss parenting styles
Different parenting approaches can have their advantages
Over the years, with an increase in the celebration of free will and the social media age, came many parents being in favour of letting their children “be themselves”. However, others took a stricter approach. But, can parents really be ‘too good’ or ‘too bad’ for their own children?
To begin with, authoritarianism might seem to be a backward parenting method in this modern age but parents who follow such an approach to raise their children are happy. Many strict parents believe keeping their children under control will make them better and healthier individuals in the future. To support this, as an example, many parents do not consider sending their offspring abroad for studying or going out with friends; mainly because the world might be too harmful for them.
However, lenient parents have their own battle lines drawn. They believe that two-way communication or unrestricted freedom will result in their children being more loyal and true to their own parents. The proposers of leniency think that allowing their children to “be themselves” will keep them away from many troubles of the world. Children of lenient parents are not fearful or rebellious. But, in this case, the question arises that: Can too much love ever be too bad?
Parenting styles depend on many factors, like family background and lifestyle. For now, such matters need to be discussed to reach better results and create more harmonious and peaceful homes. This can have an impact on the world as a whole.
From Ms Emen Ali
Pupil based in Ajman
Poll results:
Gulf News asked: Does strict parenting really lead to rebellious children?
Yes: 57%
No: 43%
Have Your Say
Do more tolerant parents raise children to be more self-reflective and loyal?
Do children these days need stricter parenting?
Do stricter parents miss out on developing a healthy relationship with their children?
To share your views on this topic or join future debates, write to us at readers@gulfnews.com
