Children must be taught digital conversation etiquette

Dubai: Dr Valerie Risoli, clinical psychologist, Dubai Physiotherapy and Family Medicine Clinic says it is important for parents to monitor all kinds of communication etiquette in children, including with digital devices.

Children using digital assistants risk veering towards rudeness with no consequences, says a study. Is this a valid observation?
I think that the “relationship” that kids today have with these devices is one of the factors that contributes to creating a generation that is more spoilt and rude towards others.

I don’t think it’s the only factor but it’s one of several. So it is partly a valid premise for one simple reason: at a young age, children easily develop new habits. They learn to socialise and interact with others through playing and daily activities. They learn social awareness and skills also while using these devices. If they are rude and use bad language, even as a joke with their device, they might repeat this behaviour while talking to other people.

 It is important to inculcate good habits and behaviours in interactions for children, since their ability to differentiate between the virtual and real is less clear.”

 - Dr Valerie Risoli | Clinical psychologist 

It is also difficult to understand the difference between reality and imagination. While playing with dolls or puppets, they learn how to talk and interact with others; at the same time, while talking to their phone they learn how to be rude and aggressive, especially if this behaviour is not followed by any negative consequence.

Let’s imagine a child talking rudely to another child or being aggressive towards him — there will be a negative consequence such as his parents will intervene or his friend will be upset. These negative consequences will gradually decrease the probability of that behaviour recurring.

Instead, if the same child is aggressive towards Siri or Alexa and there is no negative consequence to that inappropriate behaviour — instead there is the satisfaction of a need regardless — it is more likely that the same behaviour will be repeated, creating, in this way, a habit that is no doubt inappropriate.

How does constantly dealing with a digital entity impact communication abilities in children, specifically about expecting favours via requests?
Everything we learn is based on the principle of action/reaction or cause/effect or more important in this context, behaviour/consequence. A behaviour that is repeated over and over with no negative consequence becomes a habit.

It influences their communication and language because these inappropriate behaviours are positively reinforced with a positive consequence so they will become a habit.

It sounds complicated but here is an example: A child speaks badly to the phone — yet he gets what he wants, so the consequence is positive — so the inappropriate behaviour is reinforced and maintained — it becomes a habit — the child learns to speak rudely in order to obtain something from his phone as well from his parents as well from other people.

Result: his social skills development is affected.

How important is it for children to learn to say ‘Thank you’ and ‘Please’ even if it is to a digital entity? Why?
It is extremely important as these are the basic social skills that help an individual be socially aware of others and interact with them.

Through pretend and imaginary play, children learn these skills. When they play with dolls, they may make them say, ‘Thank you’ and ‘Please’ to each other. So why not reinforce the use of these pragmatic and social skills while talking to electronic devices?

It is extremely important to reinforce the use of these words towards everyone, with no distinction. Only in this way will they learn to be individuals who are socially aware and be able to behave appropriately everywhere.

If we allow a child to kick his toys, he may repeat the same behaviour with his peers one day. Why should we even allow and tolerate rudeness and unkindness in our children?

Should parents be monitoring this interaction?
I strongly suggest that parents monitor this interaction. It may seem funny to be rude to our phone but it is not socially acceptable. If we monitor our children and promptly address this behaviour when it occurs, it will gradually decrease.

For example, we could take the phone away from them when we hear rude language. This will help reduce the occurrence of an inappropriate behaviour (rude talk) and reinforce appropriate manners (talking nicely to others — whether to a digital assistant or people).

If parents are cavalier in their attitude to communication, even if talking to digital assistants, do children pick up that attitude?
Of course. Children copy what adults do. They observe their parents and repeat what they see, through a process called ‘vicarious learning’.

 It sounds complicated but here is an example: A child speaks badly to the phone — yet he gets what he wants, so the consequence is positive — so the inappropriate behaviour is reinforced and maintained — it becomes a habit.

So it is important for parents to be role models in everything they do.

Does digital communication etiquette deserve the seriousness that human conversations do?
Yes, it does. Historically, we live in a time in which the difference between real and virtual is not so clear and marked anymore. This is scary but being kind to a device doesn’t contribute to this non-differentiation. Being kind to a device is important simply because being rude towards living beings is as inappropriate as being rude towards things.

It is important to inculcate good habits and behaviours in interactions, especially for children, since their ability to differentiate between the virtual and real is less clear.

‘I want this NOW!’

London: Modern children have become used to having a digital assistant at their beck and call.

But the “Alexa generation” risks rudeness towards real humans because they have become used to barking orders with no consequences, a report has warned.

New figures show that 42 per cent of children in the UK aged between nine and 16 use voice recognition gadgets at home, with the most popular option being Apple’s Siri assistant.

 I’ve seen this pattern repeat itself. Some children take out their anger on Siri or derive pleasure from mocking Siri. If this behaviour is not curtailed, then a pattern builds if children are not held accountable. At a young age, a child should not be thinking about such offensive things, let alone acting it out, even if it’s with a machine. You can’t let them think they have a free pass to play with others’ emotions.”

 - Mohammad Omar Zameer | 42, legal consultant, Dubai 

Children are most likely to ask the assistants for homework help, with one in seven using it to look up facts or for a virtual dictionary or thesaurus.

But the report, by researchers Childwise, also warned that the growth of the technology could have “implications around how children will learn to communicate”.

The tolerant nature of the devices - which carry out orders even if they are not accompanied by a “please” or “thank you” - could lead to children communicating differently with other humans, the authors said.

Simon Leggett, the research director said: “Will children become accustomed to saying and doing whatever they want to a digital assistant ‘do this, do that’ - talking as aggressively or rudely as they like without any consequences? Will they then start doing the same to shop assistants or teachers?”

 There should be a clear distinction between ‘fun’ and ‘rude’ behaviour. As we see more interaction with artificial intelligence and robots in our lives, it’s important to reemphasise that rude is rude, not matter who — or what — you are addressing. We have to ensure what comes out of our mouth is appropriate and respectful, no matter who it’s directed towards.”

 - Khadija Mohsin | Emirati mother, Dubai 

Younger children are more likely to be using the technology than older children, the report found, with less than half of 15 and 16- year-olds who have it at home saying they use it at all.

“The proportion saying they don’t use increases gradually with age, suggesting that younger children, growing up with this technology, are more comfortable with using it to help them with day-to-day tasks,” the report said. Janet Read, a professor in child computer interaction at the University of Central Lancashire, said her own research suggested parents should take care to ensure they are polite to the devices to set an example to their children.

“If the parents say ‘thank you, Google Home’, when they’re finished, the child will also say ‘thank you Google Home’,” she said.

“If you give that device personalised qualities then young children will talk to it like it’s a person. If you’re in a home where parents are being rude to the devices then the children will pick that up.

“The way you talk to the device will just reinforce the manners that are acceptable as a family. If you’re not pushing good manners in your family and you’re also being rude to the device, then you’re just reinforcing the idea that that manner is acceptable.

“If you’re using the device to reinforce good manners then you’re going to make the children even more good-mannered.”

— The Telegraph Group Limited, London 2018