They need not be dropouts

Your children need your perseverance in preventing them from making a bad decision. Teach them not to give up in the face of adversity and watch for signs that may tell you they are about to make a mistake.

Rahul in grade 11 came to see me one day at school. He was determined to quit school. He had started to fail his courses and did not want to repeat his grade.

Rahul's dad, who had been a great strength and role model, had passed away two years earlier, leaving a big void in his life. Rahul then started hanging out with a group of friends who were not a very good influence on him and coaxed him to spend more time outside rather than in school.

I met Rahul's mother subsequently and she was very troubled by his decision, but did not see how she was going to convince her son not to give up even if he had to repeat his grade this once. Rahul had been expressing concerns from the very start, but his mother failed to realise the seriousness of the issue and thus did not intervene. And now she felt helpless and was actually contemplating going along with Rahul's decision to quit school.

Research has shown that students who drop out of high school tend to face greater problems in life than those who graduate. Students drop out for reasons such as failing, not liking school, behaviour problems, not getting along with teachers, substance abuse and economic pressures that force them to start supporting their families at a young age.

Watch for the signs

Parents must watch for warning signs as early as possible that their children are opting to drop out. The first of these is reports from the school about sudden disciplinary problems like staying away from class, not participating in class discussions or disrupting class; secondly, a lack of confidence in the child about his abilities to make it through school, and thirdly, the child's narrow goals for the future.

Sam's case

Sam was sent to me by his teacher, who was concerned because his performance in class seemed to have dropped rapidly in the past year. Sam had recently moved to our school and had been an average student in his earlier school, but here his performance was going from bad to worse.

After a couple of sessions with Sam I learnt that he was tremendously pessimistic about his future. "I don't think I am going to get anywhere."

He said he had a strained relationship with his teacher, whom he felt "hated him" and "picked on him all the time". He was not sure what he had done to bring that on, but was sure his teacher was going to fail him and thus felt hopeless about his future.

Parents must take action as soon as possible. Some things parents can do to prevent children from dropping out of school are:

- First, parents must take the time to listen to their child in order to understand his fears and concerns.
- Have regular meetings with his teachers so that you can keep abreast of your child's involvement in class, his performance and relationship with his teachers.

- If your child appears to be struggling with his studies, arrange for help after school. You could also encourage him to join study groups where he can study with some friends in order to feel supported in coping with challenging study matter.
- As a family you must instill in your child the importance of education from a young age. Have an encouraging and supportive environment at home for your child.
- Acquaint your child with the career options available to him. Arrange a school to work programme (internship programme) if possible so that he can make the connection between the skills learnt at school and their application in real life.
- Encourage your child to join an organisation or find a summer job. This will keep him productively occupied and also provide him with a support system outside school.
- Also, motivate your child to connect with the school by being part of extracurricular activities and programmes that the school offers.

Your children above all need understanding and your perseverance in preventing them from making a bad decision. Teach your children not to give up in the face of adversity. Watch for early signs that your child may be about to make a terrible mistake that he will later regret.

If you feel overwhelmed, reach out for help from professionals who are available to give you a hand in effectively supporting your youngster. Feel free to contact your child's school counsellor, teacher or head of school to assist you. Your children should be able to count on your support through the rough teen years.

The writer is a DOH, Dubai and US certified Guidance Counsellor with an M.Ed degree in School Counselling from Boston, USA. She is currently working as Co-ordinator ? Counselling Services, GEMS, UAE.