How parents can help children choose careers

They often hold the most influence when it comes to helping their child make the right career choice. But how must they go about it?

Fatima Quraishi is the kind of person who frequently changes her mind. It was no different when it came to choosing three subjects for her A levels.

"At that point of time I really needed my parents to guide me," says Fatima, who is today a second year bachelor's student of science and business administration.

Parents and children - the closest of friends: but at times they just can't seem to understand each other.

Among the many issues over which they often can't seem to see eye-to-eye is career choice. Parents often have set notions when it comes to what constitutes a solid career.

Their children, on the other hand, are eager to explore new options. But when they turn to their parents, they come up against a brick wall.

Either their parents haven't heard of the field, or if they have, they might think it a passing trend or a field too new for those who enter to be aware of its pitfalls, its opportunities or lack thereof.

Like the boy who was pushed into doing engineering by his parents much against his will.

He deliberately and repeatedly failed his exams, until he was allowed to drop out of the programme and enrol for graphic design, the subject he had wanted to study all along. His parents just couldn't see much of a career in it.

For Fatima, it has been more or less smooth sailing. "My parents have always told me to do what I want to do and do it to the best of my ability," she says. And although her father is usually busy with work, her mother has constantly been by her daughter's side.

"I used to sit down with my mom and discuss options and she would give me pointers," Fatima says.

However, she admits that there are instances when parents pressure their children to do a programme they really don't want to do. "They are doing it just to please their parents," she says.

Fatima believes that children need their parents' time and guidance all the time, but particularly so when they reach the stage when they are moving from mid-school to high school. She says parents should encourage their child in every possible way in whatever they do.

"If the child shows a flair for something, they should be given extra classes or something," she adds.
So has she benefited from her parents' experience?
"Absolutely," she says.

Esmail Al Khateeb took his elder brother as a career role model when he chose to major in accounting and finance. The graduate, who is currently working for a multinational company, was inspired by his brother's success in the field.

So when he reached grade 11 and his parents advised him to choose a career option he compared the programmes his three elder brothers had chosen - accounting, engineering and marketing and chose the first.

"I also considered medicine and aviation," he says. "But I love numbers and have always been good in mathematics."

Esmail's parents have always supported him in his studies, and now in his career.

"They never forced me into taking a particular degree programme. They would provide me with the guidelines for decision-making but would leave the decision itself in my hands," he says.

Even today Esmail and his parents discuss his career and whether it is going in the right direction.

From his experience and those of his friends, Esmail believes that today parents, by and large, delegate decision-making to their children.

Most of them, he says, back their children's career choices and encourage them to give it their best.

Like in the case of Raken Sharif, a student of graphic design. For many people of the older generation, the highly creative field is more suitable for women; engineering, business … this is stuff that men are made of.

But Raken's parents were very helpful and encouraging. "I was good at visualising things. When I told them that I wanted to do graphic design, they said, ‘no problem'," says Raken.

But it was up to him to find out which university was offering the programme. He couldn't find one in his native Saudi Arabia, and opted for an accountancy programme at the American University of Sharjah.

He subsequently found out about the graphic design programme the university was offering and got a transfer. "Students must be allowed to do a programme they enjoy doing, otherwise it's a useless exercise," he says.

Parents' angle

G. Muralidharan and his wife Subhadra are parents to an only child who is currently pursuing her masters in the US. Both of them are teachers at the Indian High School, and as such constantly interact with students.

Like all parents they have been witness to a young child's almost daily change of career ambitions. How do parents guide children during this phase?

"Parents should play along with their fascination rather than forcing them to focus on any one," says Muralidharan.

"This confusion will slowly settle down by the time they enter their early teens. As parents, we can always talk to them about various professions, but without being biased."

The couple believes parents should never be judgemental, and they - as also teachers - should never give undue stress to the monetary aspects of a profession.

"This is likely to mislead them," says Muralidharan. "When a child seriously talks about a career option, as parents we should give them more details. With the electronic media, information is at the fingertips."

Subhadra adds: "Take them to career exhibitions, seminars, encourage them to read material dealing with education and careers, create opportunities for them to interact with professionals in the said field."

Both emphasise that parents should never coerce their children into choosing a profession that they themselves could not take up.

"We can highlight the advantages of a particular career and how it would suit the child's capabilities. Talk positively, be friendly and always keep an open mind."

Inculcating values

Guiding a student towards the right career involves a lot more than total focus on academics.

Solid, fundamental values, inculcated in the formative years of a child, often contribute to the choice made. And in this respect, the onus is once again on the parents.

"Try to be role model to your child. Show them that passion and patience pay better dividends," says Subhadra.

"Treat a teenager as an adult. Give them chances to express their ideas, encourage them to take decisions - they will have to do that a lot in later life. Teach them the value of money. If you are in a financial crunch, let them know that.

"Also share your other problems to some extent. If you gain the trust of your children, they will also share their feelings with you."

UmmeSalma Mujtaba is an academic consultant and lecturer at Knowledge Horizons Dubai. She is also a PhD student and mother of two and routinely advises high school students through a community education initiative.

She feels that when it comes to choosing a career, parents tend to take a long-term view while their children typically take a short-term view. "It's important to bridge the gap in thinking," she says.

Being a Pakistani and speaking from the perspective of the subcontinent, she feels parents often neglect thinking about study programmes until the last minute.

"The