Dumb & Kumar

Akshay Kumar's films are usually mindless capers but with Chandni Chowk To China (CCTC), he seems to have gone terribly wrong in his attempt at entertaining the audience.

It is shocking how Warner Bros decided to produce a film with such a flimsy script, loaded with all the clichés of Bollywood — the lost-and-found formula, the revenge saga, the forced romance and the eternal clash between good and evil.

The film is an insult to our intelligence, even in the name of harmless entertainment.

Sidhu (Kumar), a cook from the Chandni Chowk area of Delhi, is conned into believing by Chopstick (Ranvir Shorey) that he is a reincarnation of a legendary Chinese warrior, Liu Sheng, and has to travel to China.

Sidhu is unaware that he is on a mission to protect Chinese peasants from an evil smuggler, Hojo (Gordon Liu).

In the middle of this, there is the silly subplot of Sakhi (Deepika Padukone), who visits China to pay homage to her dead Chinese father (Roger Yuan) and twin sister (Padukone) — who are still alive.

The film could have been a fun zero-to-hero tale but director Nikhil Advani and his team of writers defied all logic and came up with one of the most brain-dead scripts.

Even the possibility that the film could appeal to kids is discarded because of crude, below-the-belt humour.

No high points

Advani's directorial career has been spiralling downwards since his successful debut with Kal Ho Na Ho.

Kumar seems to have developed a fascination for playing bumbling simpletons — there is not much difference between CCTC's Sidhu and Singh Is Kinng's Happy Singh.

His buffoonery draws laughter in few scenes. As such, if Kumar wants to remain on top, he will have to reassess the roles he chooses, and fast.

Padukone as Meow is still credible while Padukone as Sakhi is best forgotten — don't bother to ask how her Chinese face as a baby turned to Indian in the course of the film.

Mithun Chakraborty doesn't have much to do, except in a scene in which he is bumped off. Shorey is a talented actor and should avoid such inane roles.

Yuan is unintentionally funny as the Hindi-speaking Chinese cop, who loses his memory and lives near The Great Wall of China, reminding us of homeless parents living near a temple in Bollywood flicks. Liu is passable.

The music is average, with only Kumar's rap during the end-credit video standing out. The action sequences are disappointing. Production values and technical details are, however, top-notch.

But the most disturbing sign is that the filmmakers are hinting at making a sequel, Chandni Chowk To Africa, at the end of the film.

Like Kumar's unbelievable martial-arts moves, called cosmic-thumb and cosmic- kick in the film, CCTC can be best termed cosmic-nonsense.

— Abdulla Mahmood is a UAE-based freelance writer