When it comes to cooking together, an otherwise compatible new couple can break down faster than a sauce sabayon. The annals of my own dating history are singed with kitchen mishaps.

During a triple first-date cooking night at my best friend's place, each couple helped produce a meal of chicken pot stickers, spaghetti with meat sauce and Key lime pie. Nobody wanted to take control; we socialised as pasta turned to mush and pots boiled over. What began as a promising soirée, ended early, with six scowls and three inedible courses.

It took years for me to try it again. The Mr Sizzle in my life shares my love of spicy food, but he always multiplies the amount of seasoning. As a result, delicate curries and simple stir-fries leave me gasping for water, bread or anything to alleviate the heat. There are still a few kinks to be worked out.

Food bonds

Conferring with Barbara and Jeff Black, the married co-owners of four Washington area restaurants, helped put my situation into perspective. Now parents of two, they met as students at the Culinary Institute of America in New York. On mutual nights off from their busy restaurants, they have learnt to coexist in their kitchen, which Jeff describes as an aisle lined by appliances.

Secrets of their cooking-together success include "throwing him out" into the backyard every now and then to fire up the grill, Barbara says.

Some of their suggestions sounded like good couples counselling in general: Each partner should have separate responsibilities; compromise, honesty and good taste are required. And Jeff's advice about restraint struck a chord. With overeager chefs working in tandem, it's easy to go overboard and end up with a refrigerator full of leftovers. Few people can nurture romance while clutching an overstuffed belly.

Here are other rules that may keep the spark alive without igniting dangerous flames:

For a special meal at home, do not venture into uncharted territory. "It's nerve-wracking enough to prepare a romantic dinner," Barbara says.

By Erin Hartigan, Los Angeles Times-Washington Post News Service

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