A new connection has been discovered between women and guilt. According to results of a recent survey, women feel guilty about the smallest mistakes – not calling their mother, eating unhealthy or even skipping a gym class. Women who were surveyed said that they were hit by a strong feeling of guilt at least once every day and almost 50 per cent of women felt guilty four times each day. Men, on the other hand, exhibited surprisingly low levels of guilt for the same actions. This week, Gulf News readers debate why this happens and whether women are often pushed towards guilt by a male-dominated society. If you would like to participate in a similar online debate, log on to gnreaders.wordpress.com or send us your views on readers@gulfnews.com
14:02 Gulf News: Do you think familial, cultural and religious tenets teach women that being 'good' is most important, which is why women tend to feel guilty every time they put themselves before others?
14:03 Anureet Kaur: I am not sure about familial, but culture and religious [tenets] do so for sure.
14:04 Yesha Harish: I think women feel guilty because they tend to [realise] their mistakes sooner or later – they consider their own mistakes first.
14:04 Subhasis Mukherjee: Not really. [Because], then no woman under the sun would have filed a divorce case for a failed marriage and [players like] Serena Williams would not have fiercely contested a line call in a tennis [match].
14:05 Fauzia Raza: I feel [too much] commitment is the real source of guilt for women.
14:05 Touseef Ashfaq: The fact is that men feel guilt less intensely because men are, generally, less empathetic.
14:06 Subhasis Mukherjee: Sometimes women offer an apology for no reason except to further their own agenda. I have seen many women offering a superficial "sorry". I doubt how remorseful those apologies are and I don't have a guilt-meter, either! If it is a woman-to-woman interaction on a common interest, then being "good" often becomes a far cry.
14:08 Yesha Harish: Women easily get affected by someone's comments and start spotting mistakes in their own [personality].
14:08 Honey Kumar: Men also feel guilty, but then again their rules on showing that guilt publicly are different [from] women.
14:09 Pooja Vishwanathan: Women have different roles to play, and this sometimes might be very stressful. They have to take care of others' needs all the time. They are taught to be good and empathetic at all times, because they are ultimately responsible for the family's bonding.
14:09 Touseef Ashfaq: It doesn't matter whether a woman was right or wrong – things always end up [being blamed] on her. Whenever you talk about gender differences, politics is involved.
14:10 Anureet Kaur: Guilt is a part of life and I don't think gender has anything to do with it.
14:11 Pooja Vishwanathan: Women are much more strong emotionally than men. They are just overwhelmed with responsibilities that make them feel stressed at times. They are never weak.
14:11 Honey Kumar: Guilt always arises from a conscience, be it a man or a woman. If your conscience says you've done it wrong, that feeling will always germinate.
14:13 Ellen Samano: Women are just more conscious and expressive of their feelings that's why they appear to have more guilt. But I'd like to believe that men feel guilty, too. They just don't express it openly, like women do.
14:14 Gulf News: Lack of guilt among men is the key reason for infidelity.
14:14 Subhasis Mukherjee: The feeling of guilt is dependent on one's value system and also outlook. There are many women who are two-timing or multi-timing. With liberal society and economic independence, definition of fidelity keeps getting stripped off its sacrosanct layers.
14:15 Fauzia Raza: Women in such cases accept it and regret it at that very moment. But men first cover it up and when it is all in the open, they then accept it.
14:16 Anureet Kaur: Infidelity is unacceptable in both the genders. I think be it a man or a woman, it is wrong. It might seem highly moralistic; however if we look at the issue of the famous golf player Tiger Woods; he has simply become a fallen hero. He is a man but everyone was shocked at his unfaithfulness towards his family.
14:23 Ellen Samano: Oh, let's not get into infidelity. There may be a lot of other reasons to start that. But yes, a weak sense of guilt makes one do it perfectly.
14:23 Pooja Vishwanathan: Family values play a major role in how we treat our relationships. Men imbibed with good values during childhood, would obviously feel guilty if they do something gravely wrong, whereas those who have observed unfaithfulness and others not being respected, constantly, would never have a soft corner for anyone, and would never feel guilt, if something wrong is done.
14:25 Touseef Ashfaq: I don't think it should be viewed in a light of "blame". But I think that after any experience, all parties involved need to take an introspective look to see the part they played in it and be mature enough to admit their role.
14:37 Gulf News: The last statement of debate: Women blame themselves for their failures, while men point the finger at external factors.
14:39 Subhasis Mukherjee: Women, like men, tend to pin the blame first on outer factors, and then keep brooding for failing to handle the situations shrewdly. Mostly, women by nature are more given to retrospection, endurance and forbearance. They are more likely to internalise their faults and try to improvise ways to keep the similar failures at bay.
14:39 Fauzia Raza: Yes, the reason is simple – it is male-dominated society. No matter how educated we are the bottom line is that men have an edge everywhere.
14:39 Anureet Kaur: Are we talking about the home or workplace? Men can say that their presentation was bad because somebody submitted the reports late. Well, women can do that as well. However, women generally blame themselves in household issues.
14:40 Pooja Vishwanathan: Women are, in most cases, rational. But they tend to get too emotional. Whereas, men, have a stronger ego, and they don't accept mistakes easily. They tend to blame external factors.
14:41 Ellen Samano: A classic example is that of mothers leaving their families to work abroad. These mums feel guilty about it. But, if they and the family would realise the reasons behind this decision, then the guilt might be lessened.
