No matter how peace-loving a person you are, conflicts will inevitably catch up with you. They creep into your lives unnoticed, through those little crevices in relationships that you’d rather ignore than cement. But sometimes a little misunderstanding can snowball into your personal nightmare, which is when conflict management skills can probably be your only hope. But what does it really take to 'manage' a conflict? Does it have to do with patiently-developed skills, innate wisdom or just plain courage? Gulf News readers came together in this week’s online debate to talk about the importance of conflict management skills, especially in managers and team leaders at work. Here is how the debate unfolded:
15:01 Gulf News: Conflict management is something that comes up in management theories quite regularly, and every office — or personal lives for that matter — have their fair share of conflicts.
15:04 Subhasis Mukherjee: Yes, very true. Healthy conflict is always good. If the friction of opinions lead to fusion of good ideas, without causing fractions, then both the business as well as the individuals benefit.
15:04 K. Ragavan: It happens in many places.
15:04 S. H. Kabeer: Why fight or flight? There is a place for dialogue. Any conflict can get a better solution if proper dialogue is initiated. If at all conflict arises, one should be very careful and use the [right] words.
15:05 Gulf News: But one’s natural instinct, from a purely psychological perspective, is for either ‘fight’ or ‘flight’, so is the whole concept of conflict management not just a farce?
15:06 Subhasis Mukherjee: Conflict management is not always about resolving disputes, feeding conflicts is also a part of astute management. I too am a conflict generator and introduce conflicts in my office team as well as in the management coterie, to help develop new ideas, push people to think outside the box and keep everyone on their toes to adapt to changes. Similarly, not managing a conflict and leaving it to solve on its own works wonders.
15:07 Gulf News: So, you think it is better to let the conflict be resovled on its own?
15:08 S. H. Kabeer: Mediation is better.
15:08 Subhasis Mukherjee: Sometimes yes, if it nurtures team work.
15:08 Gulf News: What if the situation goes out of control? And also, one might ask, what then is the role of the manager?
15:08 K. Ragavan: Conflicts should be resolved on their own, otherwise misunderstandings arise. Tackling the situation in a diplomatic way is the job of the manager. He should be neutral.
15:09 Subhasis Mukherjee: Genesis of the conflict is paramount and the manager has to properly diagnose the issue and he should be unbiased.
15:10 S. H. Kabeer: While seeing the gravity [of the situation], the manager has to cool down the emotions in a tactful manner. A simple word of appreciation of some of the ideas of the conflict maker would lead to better results and then whatever [behaviour] has to be inculcated in him can be nicely done.
15:11 Subhasis Mukherjee: Conflict management is not about appeasing the bullies and bullying the meek, justice should be delivered and ethics should not be compromised with. Manager has to play that important role
15:12 Gulf News: Alright, but I bring the question back again - purely from a psychological point of view, human beings react to a situation of conflict either by fighting or by running away. So, is conflict management just jargon, then?
15:12 Subhasis Mukherjee: Avoidance, competition, accommodation, collaboration are tools for coflict management, manager has to deftly apply those.
15:12 K. Ragavan: I agree, the team members should sort the conflict [on their own].
15:14 S. H. Kabeer: By nature everyone is following some patterns of behaviour and while adopting the same pattern, one should allow some room for self assessment to avoid conflicts in everyday life. Conflicts can arise in any place sometimes even in places where we feel highly comfortable. Even the children we nurtured throughout our life may create conflicts. Conflicts are part of life. For some it is a nightmare and for some it is routine. Trying to live without conflict is impossible and one should handle them with wisdom.
15:15 Subhasis Mukherjee: It is not about instinct or intuition, it is a mindset which has to be developed.
15:16 Gulf News; Also, can a person’s mindset be developed against basic instincts? In other words, can nurture overcome nature?
15:16 S. H. Kabeer: It needs continuous practice, which comes from experience.
15:17 Subhasis Mukherjee: Yes, it can be, and education is the key.
15:17 Gulf News: Alright, let’s bring in another topic of debate — the cause of conflict. Would you say that conflict often arises when bosses are inefficient?
15:20 Subhasis Mukherjee: Yes, it is true. If bosses are inefficeient, then it leads to conflicts.
15:20 S. H. Kabeer: It is true ... Bosses should avoid favouritism at any cost in the office environment to avoid conflicts. Always taking preventive measures while encountering conflicts would mould the office environment and the organisation in turn would [be] successful, but it needs bosses who are mature and understanding.
15:20 K. Ragavan: An ego problem is also one reason.
15:21 Subhasis Mukherjee: Some people thrive on conficts to destabilise the system and try to gain leverage.
15:23 Thomas Kurian: Poor communication, change between managers and employees, or broken boundaries of social norms or groups are also causes of conflict. Poor communication happens when a worker or subordinate is unable to receive the message from supervisors and management. Confusion is a common factor with conflict.
15:23 Subhasis Mukherjee: Yes, it is true. If bosses are inefficeient, then it leads to conflicts. Managing others’ egos is a manager’s job.
15:24 Gulf News: So this whole idea of ‘managing egos’, would you say it has more to do with wisdom than skill?
15:24 Anita Raghu: Ego is the main cause for all conflicts be it in office or any where else. [But], theory is different from practice. Theoretically there may be many things said and done but to put it in practice is not easy.
15:26 K. Ragavan: If the system is not properly executed, automatically conflics arise.
15:28 Subhasis Mukherjee: Many managers get trained but don’t apply [the theory] strictly as they think they are above everything.
15:28 Thomas Kurian: Conflict management is a learned behaviour and turns into an art form. Hence training to an extent is helpful.
15:28 Anita Raghu: A person may be highly educated and an academic achiever but not be good in managing people.
15:28 S. H. Kabeer: Occassional refresher classes can help in solving many regular conflicts.
15:30 Anita Raghu: For an highly egoistic person, no amount of training will help.
15:31 Gulf News: So what can help?
15:33 Subhasis Mukherjee: The solution lies in setting up a proper professional and ethical system and strictly monitoring it ... nobody should be above the law.
15:33 K. Ragavan: Racism is one of the main factors, which is more visible in corporate philosophy. Quality management is also extremely important.
