Apparently, only minutes earlier they’d been standing docilely in the glare of bright lights in a Sydney park, enduring a ‘Take One Two’ call, eyes staring straight ahead, in that glazed, unfocused look so traditionally bovine. Five minutes later, their sharp pointed horns swinging to the rhythm of a runaway trot, they’d done their own ‘take one, two, three’ and hurried off set. Two water buffalo gone a-walking. Before television crew and handlers knew anything they’d gone… done a runner, as they say in Sydney. Not merely gone walkabout as do the cows in some countries.

It was the day Joseph Moretti was treating his 70-plus mum, Bianca, to a cup of coffee at their favourite sidewalk cafe in Newtown.

“Oh, my gosh! It’s Pamplona! They’re bringing Pamplona to Sydney!” exclaimed Bianca as the two beasts thundered by.

“What on earth was that?” asked Joseph, shaking his balding pate uncomprehendingly, allowing the light to reflect this way and that without providing one iota of insight. His delayed reaction — a hasty jump out of his seat — nudged the round top table sending his coffee flying.

“It’s two bulls. Jeez, they nearly gave me a heart attack. Why weren’t we warned this was taking place? And why do we have to copy the Spanish, and not do our own original thing?” said a severely-panicked Bianca watching the pair of buffalo disappear down King Street. Son Joseph, regaining his composure via a liberal dose of sarcasm, especially after the public embarrassment of leaping with palpable fear, said, “Yeah? Like how original ought we to be? Crocodiles instead of bulls? That ought to calm everybody down for sure.”

He looked ruefully at the empty mug of recently-ordered coffee, its contents now beyond rescue, a muddy puddle on the pavement.

“Quick, let’s duck inside the cafe. There might be more of them,” suggested Bianca. Fortunately, she was wrong. This was not Pamplona II after all. What followed though in the next minutes was quite unexpected as well. A jeep roared by, mounted with cameras filming the runaways. Further up the street, pedestrians were similarly caught off guard.

Now, Newtown is the bohemian heart of Sydney. One is often not surprised at what one sees there, as one is quietly conditioned to expect the unexpected… but the sight of two charging buffalo competing with vehicular traffic and totally unmindful of lights that go green and amber and red? And just where were they heading?

Apparently, judging by how much calmer they appeared to get once they arrived on campus, to the university. Well, just outside the gates actually.

Spooked creatures

For that is where a cowboy arrived next, according to reports. A man on horseback swinging a lasso. As in a true western movie of old, the steers were not going to be caught that easily, not without a fight, no sir. Not without the dire threat of impalement.

By this time the police, fire trucks and fire personnel were also on hand. There was enough bedlam around to spook the already spooked creatures.

Eventually, their fears were used to coerce them into running wildly into the wide open back doors of a waiting truck where the pair of them stomped around until they were exhausted. Later it emerged that the animals were a part of a commercial that was being filmed on the park green. Someone had evidently given them the wrong script. Perhaps someone had failed to make the pair understand they were only to stand on the green not eat it. Which, metaphorically, could be a red rag to a buffalo.

An investigation has been initiated into whether all safeguards had been in place. Judging by the ease with which the two ‘stars’ were able to slip away, one would guess not. Luckily, in all the excitement, no one really got hurt. Therein lies one of life’s anomalies: Sometimes in the greatest confusion, everything comes through unscathed.

Kevin Martin is a journalist based in Sydney, Australia.