Should debate end in argument or agreement?

Did you hear about the two Russians who fought over the respective merits of poetry and prose? Sadly, the argument ended fatally with one of them stabbing the other. Poetry triumphed over prose in this case.

There was another difference of opinion over Immanuel Kant in Germany which also ended with a shoot-out. Fortunately, the target lived to tell the tale.

I am amazed that what must have started out as an amicable discussion reached boiling point from which there was no turning back. But one need not be offensive while defending what one believes in strongly. We have been told time and again that there are two sides to a story.

It’s not that I’ve never had a heated discussion with a friend over something we both feel passionate about. But, as the temperature rises, the impasse is broken by a light-hearted comment and everything is back to normal once again as we laugh over how personally we have treated the issue. We come to the conclusion that the topic is not worth the destruction of a friendship.

I do understand that there are some topics that make one get hot under the collar. But it’s important to remember you can have an opinion as long as you are not opinionated. Defend your point of view but be prepared to listen to another’s take on the subject. You might even learn a thing or two. There are subjects on which we have a one-dimensional view and it takes a lot of convincing to remove the blinkers and get a 180-degree perspective.

I admire those who present their views clearly without clouding the issue or, worse still, becoming belligerent.

One such divisive figure back home, on whom opinion is sharply divided, is the Times Now TV anchor Arnab Goswami. Viewers either hate him (or rather his style of grilling which they regard as hectoring) or love him to bits. His merits and demerits were discussed at many a dinner I was invited to.

With so much happening in India, the subject often turned to the latest news bite and his name would invariably crop up. Thankfully, none of those debates had a tragic ending. But, watching the release and roiling of emotions, I realise there are some things that people feel very deeply about and they are prepared to stick to their point of view come what may. In such a situation, there is a selective deafness resorted to wherein another person’s opinion is shut out.

Among my siblings, debate was common and these often turned into heated arguments. Somehow each was convinced that the louder you got, the more forcefully you could drive home your point. Under that ruthless hammering home of an opinion, the person on the other side sometimes wilted under the pressure. Often the adults would be called on to pronounce the winner of the argument. But these wily creatures would refuse to take sides, knowing that doing so would only sow seeds of dissent. If they did take up for one child, they knew the others would crow over their victory, citing the adults’ confirmation of their point of view as evidence of the soundness of their argument. “Even Daddy says so” was often the fatal blow dealt to the opponent as a clincher.

Perhaps our parents got it right. When they made a decision, we knew we had to go along with it as it was, simply, not open to debate.

For very young children, the phrase “My teacher says” prefixes many sentences and no parent dare contradict that figure of authority. Perhaps we can take a leaf out of their book and back off when the subject is sensitive.

Let’s leave the knives and guns in the kitchen or armoury and agree to disagree.