I lost two glorious days of my weekly offs because someone in my office sneezed without covering his mouth.
The day after being exposed to this viral outburst, I felt the usual slight scratchy feeling in my throat. I ignored it and downed a cold beverage for good measure. After a couple of hours the bugs really started multiplying inside me. At home my kids started to leave the room every time I entered.
I can fully empathise with those who are shunned by an uncaring society because of their ailments. Years ago, while I was in high school, I saw a movie made by the American director Cecil B. DeMille, who loved to make these sweeping epics.
I was traumatised during one scene when the heroine's mother and sister contact leprosy and are roped down by the Romans into a cave and banished there to spend the rest of their miserable lives.
"It's best you sleep on the sofa for a couple of days," said my sympathetic wife, who would pointedly open windows in the rooms where I sneezed. I am not sure how opening windows helps. Perhaps the germs would look out of the window, point and say, "Guys, let's go! The real world, where the wind blows and more unsuspecting humans abound, awaits us."
Pariah status
"The kids' exams are coming up and I can't afford to fall ill," said my wife, setting up a waste basket next to the couch. From the storeroom she pulled out a blanket which was once used to line the basket of our stray cat, which has been absconding for some time now.
Our couch is an ugly leathery thing that is not long enough for my legs. Every night I have to rest my legs on the armrest, and since my head ends up on a lower level than my legs, my nose blocks up and the snoring wakes up the neighbours. At first they politely tap on the wall, but as the desperation grows, they hit it with anything they can find handy.
I swear that one night I heard something soft hit the wall followed by a cat protesting loudly.
Since nobody really takes a couple of days ‘off' because of a common cold, I quietly sneezed in my tissues at my workplace. For some reason I generally don't stop with one sneeze. It has to be short bursts of four or six.
The person sitting next to me happens to be a kindly Christian and when I first sneezed he said, "God bless you." But when my sneezing fit continued, he just gave up on me. So I blew my nose, played with the mouse, tapped on the keyboard and I am sure I spread the virus to the person on the next shift.
Doctors and medical professionals say the best way to control the spread of viruses, specially the flu virus, is to wash your hands frequently. I went to the washroom, washed my hands like I was shown: on both sides of the hands, between the webs of the fingers, etc., but then my eyes started tearing up.
I know it's a cliche, but man has gone to the moon and beyond, but has still not been able to find a cure for the common cold. "Hot chicken soup," said my wife.
"Drink orange juice and keep yourself well hydrated,'' said the doctor.
"Sprinkle eucalyptus oil on your pillow," said my maid.
An alternative medicine practitioner suggested something called ‘removeus coldus', which came in miniaturised, white pills. I dropped them on the floor and lost them. "How can you get well if you never take my pills," said the practitioner when I went back to him for a prescription refill.
After 48 hours the cold symptoms vanished and now I twitch when I hear someone sneeze.
