We move forward, believing we're invincible, we're way beyond baby steps and then we hit our screeching brakes, reconsidering and going in reverse. We don't want to evaporate into modernity, in desperate attempts to preserve our culture, but we eventually live in extreme contradictions.
The Emirati culture is one that is blurred in the background in a sea of faces of all colours and if you focus enough, a silhouette of an Emirati is somewhat visible. Tourists from all over the world head to this country. Seeking heritage and culture, they find it in museums and cultural ‘imitations' set up exclusively for them. Parents become more conservative, raising their children with so many suffocating limitations and boundaries. While some of these boundaries make sense, many more don't.
As young Emiratis, we were asked to follow these rules blindly and forever keep our peace. It was unquestionable and non-negotiable. We drifted away and found a life that suits us better, a schizophrenic one. The life before our parents' eyes and another that allows us to be ourselves in the presence of our trusted circle of friends. We make an effort to blend in, leaving behind our beliefs and individuality because we're ‘gossip-phobic.' They stole away our freedom of expression and we lost faith in their judgement.
We painted our faces, so many faces according to the occasion. For everyday is Halloween and costumes are essential. They say we're influenced by the West, they say we're a hopeless generation that has been brainwashed and repainted red, white and blue. They make it sound like we never had a brain to begin with. Everything we do is an imitation to the ‘others'. Everything we do is disobedience. Everything we do is just unacceptable. So what do we do?
Wearing abayas
Our parents lived a life within a small Emirati community where they did not have to worry about preserving culture, because it was in every breath they took, but when our time came we've been caught off guard by modernisation and globalisation and today we witness our culture gasping its last breaths.
So what was the reaction? We were forced to hold on to the shallow aspect of our culture. We wore abayas when at our age our mothers were wearing elegant western-influenced outfits inspired by movie stars back then. As I look at photo albums of my mother in London back in 1987, I could swear it was a picture out of one of my vintage Vogue magazines. How could it be that she had the freedom to express her personal style out loud and so graciously while I have to suppress that and wear my abaya. Everything I would wear would be too revealing, too tight or too improper. Now I do love my abaya, it's majestic and respectable but I would've liked to have the choice without worrying about social pressure.
I would want to sometimes dress decently but without my abaya. I wouldn't want to dwell on such a small aspect of culture but the answers we usually get from our parents revolve around the idea that they were not religiously aware back then as they are today. It never made sense to me because most of the abayas nowadays do not act as a decency shield some are actually beautifully draped black gowns that are fitted in some areas to accent curves, and many of us don't fully cover our hair, so how is this religion? I fail to understand.
A double life seems to be the solution for a huge part of the Emirati youth population because all we want is to be accepted, accepted by society, accepted by our families and for females to be accepted by future marriage candidates and the candidates' mothers of course. In the cases where we can't live a double life we lose our true selves, while losing our confidence and thinking low of ourselves for not fitting in the norm. Is it worth it? How long will we be living in denial? How long must we suffer multiple personality disorder?
As an Emirati female, gaining my full independence and the right to make my own choices after all these years came with hard work. A piece of advice to my fellow Emiratis: I think fighting your way through life is better than lying your way through anything and everything. I think by slowly introducing the idea of your personal freedom and your rights to choose the paths in your life you get one step closer. Don't be rebellious because that will only prove to your parents that you're immature. Be reasonable and diplomatic. Make sure you're at the right age and level of maturity and then declare your right for independence.
Reason and logic are key. Make an argument on how this space will allow self-development and career/educational development. If you abide by all these tips, I can assure you, you'll be one step closer if not a hundred. If you require a double life to do wrong then continue doing so, because no parent, be it the East or West will accept that.
Fatma Al Falasi is a young Emirati writer who reflects on social issues that relate to Emirati youth. You can follow her at www.twitter.com/Fatmalfalasi
