Dick Cheney had a heart transplant last year. It’s a pity the doctors stopped there. The former US vice-president needs a new brain as well.
Why?
Because his own one clearly isn’t functioning. And when they were at it, those doctors in Texas should have done something about his eyesight. It is distorted into seeing only Slicky Dicky’s version of history — rose-coloured and hindsight nowhere near 20-20. Distinctly blurred, in fact.
Just when we had quite happily forgotten about the White House puppet master arch-villain and architect, who so artfully controlled little George W. Bush, Richard Bruce Cheney pops up out of the woodwork to remind us he had not, pitifully, gone away.
In fact, the Halliburton honcho was there, admonishing the entire world that he and little George had got it right on Iraq all along and that the former junior Senator from Illinois, who now sits in the White House, was the one who screwed up Iraq.
Huh?
So that little vial of chemical weapons Colin Powell showed off at the United Nations Security Council was actually real? And there were weapons of mass destruction waiting to be unleashed in 45 minutes’ notice by Saddam Hussain? And Al Qaida was really running Iraq?
Wow. So that is what was really going on, Dick. Thanks. Thanks for setting the record straight once more, just like you did in your myopic autobiography two years ago. There we were, the entire world of right-thinking people, wrong in believing that there were no weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq. Those steel tubes and centrifuges were not just figments of your imagination. And no missile systems anywhere near as sophisticated as you, little George, Donald Rumsfeld, Tony Blair, Condoleezza Rice, Paul Bremer, Scooter Libby and Paul Wolfowitz had spent days warning us.
Oh, and of course, we were all wrong — every one of us — to think that Al Qaida only thrived in the chaos spread by the breakdown in Iraqi authority, law and order because your Seventh Cavalry and the charge of the Brits Light Brigade smashed the living bejesus out of anything and everything that stood in its way.
Thanks Dick.
Thanks for that opinion piece last week in the Wall Street Journal, written by you and your daughter, Liz, where you set the record straight once and for all.
Rather than seeing the new round of sectarian violence tearing Iraq apart as a bloody and final condemnation of that immoral, illegal and ignominious invasion, you and your cadre of corrupt cronies are seizing on the opportunity to clear the air.
Loved that line: “Rarely has a US president been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many.” You were talking about Barack Obama, weren’t you? Coz it sure looks like you were referring to little George. No, George was always right, coz you were there at his side, pulling his strings, making sure that he acted in your best interests — and Halliburton’s — not that of the American people, the brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers of every US serviceman who spilled his bloody guts in roadside bombs; the mothers, brothers, sisters and fathers of Iraqi families who had their bloody guts blown to tatters in the wake of your illegal, immoral and ignominious invasion; and all of the pain, anguish and suffering inflicted on millions by your ‘right’ decisions.
You and little George, Donald Rumsfeld, Tony Blair, Condoleezza Rice, Paul Bremer, Scooter Libby and Paul Wolfowitz should file that Wall Street Journal away — under the fiction category of course — but also as Exhibit A in your defence if there was ever to be a time when you might face war crimes. Sorry, Dick, that’s what you were involved in. Chemical weapons? Nope. Sophisticated weapons of mass destruction? Nada. Missiles in the air in 45 minutes? Not a chance. Centrifuges? Certainly not.
Al Qaida? Not then — now, yes, thanks to the weapons of mass destruction unleashed on the Iraqi people as your troops raced to the Tigris and Euphrates.
All of this that is going on right now — the executions, the sectarianism, the killings — it was your doing. Not directly as in your hands were the ones that triggered them, but indirectly — just like the way you pulled the strings and manipulated little George.
No wonder you mistook your shooting buddy for a duck.
“Rarely has a US vice-president been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many.”
Pinocchio would be proud of you, Dick.
