Most of us are obsessed with age — as are all the producers of cosmetics, health foods and herbal products. At 30, we think we are nearing the end of not merely our world but the universe around us, in general. At 40, we make resolutions about what we value and what we want to do with our lives in the next year — only. Looking ahead of that seems too overwhelming.

And thereafter, there is silence on the age front. Fifty doesn’t happen in our minds, nor does 60. Beyond that — is there really a ‘beyond that’?

We don’t seem to want to accept that there is. If we live long enough — and escape the alternative — which is dying young — we have to learn to look at the passage of the years as something natural. When we were younger, we were gratified by our growing adeptness in whatever career we had chosen, we revelled in our ‘experience’ after a decade or two — so why do we shy away from the next phase or phases?

More relevantly, why does senior citizenship and then old age catch us unawares? Did we really think that after the limit that we were willing to accept (40 years for some, 50 for others, even 60 and 70 for those blessed with good health and ample energy until then), we were then going to travel in reverse gear and get back to our teens? Sure, we can mentally reach toddlerhood in our dotage, but we certainly cannot stop at the magic age we desire to enjoy all over again!

Anyone who has been in close contact with senior citizens and anyone who is approaching or already in that category (you’ll be amazed at how a couple of decades can whiz by when you aren’t paying attention — so check it out, you could be there), has to accept that while all of us feel somewhere between 12 and 21 deep down in our hearts all our lives, we have to be prepared to accept the reality of the age we are.

Be prepared to stay home when others go out, be prepared to be confused when others are not, be prepared to let go, be prepared to accept infirmity, dependence and the other unmentionables that come along as we age. Of course, some of us do this a little bit too early.

There was this lady of 50-something who decided to put away her jeans and swathe herself in beige and brown and grey sarees and what she decided were clothes appropriate for her age. She spoke to her 49-year-old sibling like he was about 14, and took herself in fast forward to the future that others were casting out of their minds and refusing to accept. One could not help but feel she was a bit too well-prepared ...

‘Boredom’ of retirement

But she was the exception. Everywhere else one turned, one can see only age-defying seniors. Not for them the ‘boredom’ of retirement from their jobs and the freedom of pottering around their gardens and reading the newspaper at leisure or knitting just for the sake of creating something useful...

No, they have to go out and mingle, be on advisory boards and entertainment committees. And when, inevitably, they become home-bound, age is treated as something vile, to be railed at and wished away.

But, you can’t wish it away. It is there for you. It will be there for others after you. Current efforts to slow down the ageing process may not bear fruit in your lifetime: So maybe if you and I are less obsessive in our quest to recapture youth and have more of an abiding — and loving — interest in others, our twilight years may be brighter — and more like dawn.

Cheryl Rao is a freelance journalist based in India.