It happens in every Indian home, so I am told. And so I desperately hope. We are, after all, argumentative Indians and at no time are there more arguments than at wedding time.

I cannot recall how it started this time. Probably innocuously, as most skirmishes do. But before it goes any further, to prevent all-out war, I go back in time to see whether my own wedding-planning history can teach me anything.

Thirty plus years ago our debacle began with innocent suggestions and mild statements: “Meet the aunt and uncle in whose house I was born,” “You can go shopping with this sister,” “You’ll enjoy the company of that sister’s friends...” and suddenly there were strange people all around throwing opinions at me like cannonballs and I was not able to duck.

“You must have this” and “You must have that” were what I found hard to digest when all I wanted was an unobtrusive signature on a piece of paper and maybe a piece of cake.

“Weddings are for families, not just for the couple,” I was told. “You have to keep your friends and families (and friends of the families) happy”; and so I soldiered on – probably not putting a very pleasant face to it, but attempting to, nevertheless, as we greeted friends of our fathers – and sisters and brothers – all basically strangers to us.

Nothing happened the way I wanted it to – and when it was over, I breathed a sigh of relief– thankful that I had to do all that nodding and smiling just once in my life!

Uh – oh – Seems I hadn’t counted on a repeat performance three decades on!

I had thought that when the time came for our children to marry, they would do it their way (unlike us), go about fixing venues and menus and making down payments (like we had), and we would watch proudly and applaud.

They are doing it their way, that’s true.

But all those down payments are ours and so, in place of saying, “You must have this” and “You must have that”, I hear myself asking, “Why must you have this?” and “Why must you have that?”

And that is only the beginning. We go on to argue about invitations, we argue about dates, we argue about ceremonies, we argue about meals, we argue about clothes, we argue about jewellery...have I left out anything? If so, you can bet that we have argued it threadbare and kept it on the back burner for now – to be re-hashed as a fresh debate a few days or weeks later!

As the time for the nuptials approaches, heads get hotter and pockets get emptier and we dig deeper in hopes of magically pulling out hard cash from the bottom of our reserves, tempers flare, angry words are bandied about – all definitely more akin to war than love.

Where once there were just two young people and their plans, there is exponential growth as the pre-nuptial discussions progress. Half a dozen party venues, a dozen dress changes multiplied by the appropriate number of hours in which to do so, relatives to be entertained in those huge chunks of time, the space in which to do it... It sounds like a kind of time and space continuum doesn’t it?

How did we get to physics from wedding planning? And where else will we reach as we attempt to strike an agreement before the nuptials?

All the discord gives another perspective on coolly thought out prenuptial agreements elsewhere that pre-empt claims and safeguard assets when things fall apart. Maybe our family could work on being level-headed – nodding and smiling, perhaps? — to prevent things from falling apart before anyone gets together!

Cheryl Rao is a journalist based in India.