I face this every year during Christmas. Is Santa for real or not? Sid is seven years old and he knows the ways of the world. So, for him to believe in Santa is almost uncanny.

"You believe Santa gets your presents?" asked my good neighbour to Sid. Sid was confused. He didn't know how to counter that question because he didn't know the right answer.

That night, before Sid went to bed, he asked me innocently, "Have you been getting my presents all these many years? Please tell me." He had tears in his eyes. That moment, I could do anything to bring magic home and make Santa a real person!

I think there is something innocently brave about believing in Santa. After all, it is this myth that keeps all the children going and hoping that Santa will fulfil their wishes. But it stops right there because the greed of adulthood would keep Santa on his weary toes every minute.

I remember the time when Santa visited the children in play school. Little Sid handed Santa his wish-list. With scribbled lines on a broad sheet of white paper, Sid walked up to the white bearded man, whose paunch was slipping, and handed over the list. At that time, Sid could neither read nor write but he believed that Santa would somehow figure out what he wanted.

Later, I quizzed Sid extensively so that I understood what it was that he wished for Christmas, because, after all, Sid had to find his present.

I think the next year on, we wrote the letters to Santa and of course, needless to say, the presents were found under the tree or sometimes they even followed Sid wherever we went.

So, Sid always had a wonderful time. Once, when we were holidaying, Sid left a message for Santa asking if he could deliver it to where we were. When Sid finally got his gift, he was thrilled to bits because he was so glad that Santa had found his message.

Magic of Christmas

Last year, Sid had his doubts because he couldn't believe that Santa could do the whole globe in just one night. Although I wanted to tell the truth something held me back because without Santa the magic of Christmas seemed lost. I contemplated because I knew I would have a broken heart to nurse when Sid finally hears from me. So, I waited for another year.

"He would eventually figure it out," I reasoned. But Sid's question this year, again, has left me wondering — how to deal with his innocence? So, I finally asked Sid, "Do you want Santa to be real?"

"Yes," he said. Well, who wouldn't, I told myself.

"The other kids will laugh at Sid if they found out he believed in Santa," Ma reasoned.

"It's better that he knows," she argued. I have to admit I agreed. So, I decided to tell Sid the truth. Sid heard the words all right. He was quiet for a long time and finally decided to write a letter.

"Dear Santa," Sid wrote, "I would like to see you in person and that is the only gift I want."

When I read what Sid had written, I was almost in tears.

"I don't want any gift, Ma," Sid said finally, "if Santa is for real, he will wake me up in the night. Else, I will understand that Santa doesn't exist".

I wanted to almost wear a mask and wake up my son in the middle of the night. But there are some things children have to know and learn even if it hurts. But, if I had a wish that could come true, I could have wished for Santa.

 

Sudha Subramanian is an independent journalist based in Dubai.