I think the falling oil prices has something to do with it, but an NRI working in the Gulf is no longer a good catch.
The Sunday edition of The Hindu newspaper had two full pages of matrimonial adverts with a catch line, “Bringing People Together”, and there was not a single advert from an NRI wanting a young, good looking woman, or a young woman looking for a non-resident Indian soul mate in the Arab Gulf states.
It must be due to the fast-changing job situation in the oil-producing countries, from where people are returning home to India, I wondered.
Then a news report caught my eye about a high-level panel set up by The Ministry of External Affairs to consider complaints filed by women deserted by their NRI husbands.
The panel has recommended that non-resident Indians will have their passports impounded or cancelled if they harass their wives or desert them. The panel wants domestic violence to be included in extradition treaties that India inks with other countries.
Apparently, a lot of women are deserted, become victims of domestic violence, or are harassed for dowry. Presently, bringing someone back to India to face charges, is almost impossible.
Why would anyone want to abandon a wife after managing to find somebody compatible and who would be a good companion so far away from home?
Firstly, getting a good spouse in a country full of a billion people is not easy, going by the matrimonial adverts.
I know India has a caste system, just as the tribal system in the Middle East, and there is a hierarchy, and you did not marry someone who ranked “below you”.
If you did, your family and friends will feel sorry for you and make your life miserable, if you have married for love, companionship and other silly things.
Compatible signs
I did not know there were so many castes. The matrimonial adverts called for Mudaliar, Iyer, Nair, Vannan, Chettiyyar, Brahmin, Saiva Pillai, and then there was a group called the Scheduled Caste; this is a special category of disadvantaged people who never, ever marry anyone but their own.
And all these castes are just from the south of the India; there are umpteen more in the North and the rest of the country. Not only do you have to find someone from your own caste, but your astrological signs should be compatible.
Even the Christians and Muslims have their own caste or denominations and it seems that nobody is brave enough to marry outside their faith or caste.
India is very diverse culturally. Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Sikhs, Jains, Zoroastrians, Jews and people from the Baha’i faith, all live amicably together. The tagline for the country is, Unity in Diversity.
But with the presently politically-charged climate in the country, a Hindu cannot marry a Muslim, as some extremists believe that Muslims are marrying them just to convert them to Islam.
Do not even think that if you have a registered marriage, you can fly under the radar of the extremists. They will come and look at the notice board put up by the marriage officer, to check who is married to whom and go to their homes and give them a hard time, questioning them why they married out of their faith.
But things are changing for the better, or so it seems, going by the matrimonial adverts. Not many people are looking for “fair” women. And that is a huge change for a country that is colour-biased and where fairness creams are a multi-million-dollar business.
And there is a section in the adverts titled “Cosmopolitan”, where the young men and women are not bothered about caste, religion, and age is no bar and are looking for “open-minded” companions. But these adverts are from young people in the West, mainly North America.
Mahmood Saberi is a storyteller and blogger based in Bengaluru, India. You can follow him on Twitter (@mahmood_saberi).
