As new mothers, we are totally inexperienced, untrained and unprepared. So, many of us start journals to keep track of the most important part of our infant’s early months: What we feed them and when. We note down how much they consume without throwing up, when they start solid food and in what amounts, and so on, comparing it all with what Dr Spock and modern experts have to say.
As the months pass by and we get more confident about inputs and outputs, feeding ceases to be the only thing of concern and we start noting down other milestones — that “Da-da” and “Ma-ma”, the smiles, the gurgles, the laughs, turning over, sitting up and many other little events that mean the world to us. We were probably presented with Baby’s Milestones books by friends and relatives and we filled in all the spaces, stuck photographs, added handprints and footprints and locks of hair from the baby’s first haircut.
Some of us continue those journals for several years. We feel that the first sentences, first mishaps, first friends, first falls — all those innocent occurrences are extraordinarily precious and when recorded, either on paper or on video, can be read and re-read or viewed and re-viewed through the years.
Sadly, however, we often do not persist with our journals: Maybe because the thrills pall and all those minor events cease to be miracles for us. They become commonplace — and the feel of a child’s arms around our necks is no longer as novel and invigorating as it used to be, but starts to represent a huge responsibility that we carry for the rest of our lives.
Landmark incidents
Or perhaps it is just too arduous a task for us to carry on writing — or the camera is not on hand to capture those magic moments as they occur.
But mostly, I think, we do not carry on because other concerns intervene. School, homework, sports, projects, music lessons; there is no time in between all the ferrying to and fro and the follow-up, the professional courses and the career counselling, to do more than jot down a couple of sentences now and then: Perhaps some landmark incidents, perhaps the more witty wisecracks.
Literally what comes out of the mouths of our babes from the time they begin to speak until the time we wish they wouldn’t speak because they have nothing nice to tell us ...
But, before we know it, all those moments — agreeable and disagreeable — get shelved completely and the bird has flown, the nest is empty. There is nothing more to write in that journal. There are no more scenes to record with that camera. We may have started the journal to boost our confidence in ourselves and to keep a record of how we were handling motherhood. We may have continued because we wanted to smile as we recalled those moments at the end of a particularly tough day when we were worn to a frazzle. We may even use them to be of good counsel to others who are struggling with difficult infants and toddlers.
But I am sure none of us anticipate that one day we may pull out our journals to seek solace when those same children reach the stage where they have nothing much to say to us because they are saying it all to their friends and their own families.
Because, amazingly, when we read those journals now or flip through the scenes we had recorded, we are back there in the most meaningful times of our lives. So, don’t lose your journals, don’t discard them, don’t let the paper disintegrate with age, don’t let the videos blur and fade — they are invaluable.
Those journals are your ticket to a happy future.
Cheryl Rao is a freelance journalist based in India.
