Dubai: While twins may seem to be two peas in a pod, they are usually more dissimilar when it comes to behaviour, interests, and personalities than most people think.
One of the biggest myths in psychology is assuming that two people who share similar or identical genes will behave the same.
While this is true some of the time, research shows that it is not always the case, said psychologist Dr Saliha Afridi, director of Light House Arabia in Dubai.
“Twins are genetically similar or identical but the expression of those genes can be very different,” she said.
Dr Afridi explained that while there are stories of twins that are separated at birth that have very similar preferences, personalities, and behaviour, there is also evidence that points to the contrary.
From her experience as a psychologist, Dr Afridi said she has often seen that twins struggle to find their own identity. “This is most obvious in adolescence where the individual’s task is to define a sense of self. Even when they are encouraged to develop separate interests or separate group of friends, some twins might be so ‘used to’ each other that they may not know how to ‘be’ without the other,” she said.
Growing up, twins may feel that parents and school are usually referring to them as one.
Parents might think it is cute to dress the twins in similar clothes, and teachers might hold parent teacher meetings with both children in the same hour, pointed out Dr Afridi.
“As a result of these early experiences of being ‘treated as one,’ the twins might develop similar interests or even a dependency on each other that might be hard to break away from when they are older. So, they might choose similar education and career paths,” she said.
However, these challenges are not apparent in all twins. Some twins are parented with a lot of intention and consideration for the twins being separate individuals, said Dr Afridi.
Tips for parents with multiples
Parents should make all attempts to treat each child uniquely and distinctly, she added.
“This could mean that from birth they would have separate feeding times, or bonding time with mum/dad. As they grow older, give them exposure to many different activities and hobbies, and allow them both to choose what excites them — and don’t be disappointed or shocked when it is different from one another,” advised Dr Afridi.
Another important point to remember is making sure they have the ability to discover their own personalities at school.
Dr Afridi said ensuring the parents have a conversation with each of their children’s teachers separately is important. “Separating them in classes will also help them make them develop a sense of self that is their own.”
In the case of twins, giving each child the emotional skills to be able to express themselves is also crucial, as twins will often have complicated feelings towards their sibling. “Guilt could appear when one is doing better in life than the other. Loneliness could appear when one is married and the other is not,” said Dr Afridi.
This is a result of a built-in sense of comparing themselves to their twin, which makes talking about difficult feelings critical for twins to maintain a healthy relationship.
TwinsPlus Arabia group
Based on the sense of ‘giving back’, the TwinsPlus Arabia group is a non-profit distributing association of over 1,000 families in the UAE. While it is tough raising one baby, bearing and raising twins or multiples can be an overwhelming challenge.
“It works because we have all been through the same stuff and so we are best placed to cheer on those just starting the wonderful journey,” said Suman Manning, Chair of the association.
The concept behind the association first came around over 10 years ago when two mothers with twins decided to start a group. The group was then called Twin, Triplets, and More (TTOMs), a primarily virtual community. Now called the TwinsPlus Arabia Association, the group is the power behind the Twins Festival, last held in 2013 in Dubai with over 500 sets of twins.
The closed Facebook group is ever-growing and has big plans for expansion. The new association aims to establish and maintain an English and Arabic website, covering members’ stories and experiences, FAQs and advice for all twins and multiples households.
They also aim to plan the 2016 Twins Festival in Dubai, and establish a charity arm to support families in need. “The first Twins festival in 2011 raised awareness and was attended by 400 sets of twins, with the number of attendees reaching 600 the following year. The group attracted more adult twins and had many mothers and families reach out,” said Manning.
Awareness about conditions affecting mothers bearing twins and multiples such as Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS), will also be raised and discussed. To become a member, you can join the Facebook group TwinPlus Arabia, or email Suman@twinsplusarabia.com.