At times of stress and pressure, you find out what kind of person you really are. Last week I had nothing but stress and pressure. Firstly, I have been flat hunting. I have found an awesome place to stay, but I can't move in for another two weeks. In the meantime, I have moved my belongings out of my friend's house, where I have been sleeping on the floor, and into a guesthouse that goes by the name of "Okay Guesthouse" for the next two weeks. It is exactly that — OK. I pay $5 (Dh18.36) a night for a bed and a toilet.
Moving is always a bit stressful. However, it is nothing compared to the stress of job hunting, when your cash is rapidly dwindling. I am looking for teaching positions, which I am told are easy to come by in Phnom Penh. I have a morning job as a nursery teacher but I need an afternoon gig too.
Unfortunately, I'm just not good at selling myself as an English teacher — all the interviewers I have had seem to doubt my abilities at being able to do the job, despite the fact that I have a degree in English, a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certificate and I come from an English-speaking country.
Most people who teach here say that all you need is to be English speaking and have a pulse (check and check), yet I can't find full time work. Hmm. I feel like a fraud and it comes across that way. For one thing, I have no experience. For another, it is not where my heart lies.
I enjoy writing, and like most writers, I like to be left alone to tap away on my laptop by myself. The thought of standing up in front of young minds and trying to present English as a fun subject is petrifying. The reality is even more scary. I have 20 three- and four-year-olds who just want to play and I have to teach them a second language, when I can't even speak their first. Tricky.
So, on top of moving house, settling in to a new country and trying to find a job that I am totally unqualified for, I have also had some family dramas. One of my 16-year-old cats died and so did a close family friend, both quite unexpectedly. So, as I say, in times of stress and pressure, you find out what kind of person you are. Turns out I am a crying, quivering mess who can't function in any way whatsoever when the going gets rough. I guess this isn't entirely shocking to regular readers.
Last night I needed to speak to a friend from Dubai — somebody who knew me and could say all the right things — you know — "it will be okay", "everything will work out", "try to remember the happy times you had with them", etc. So, I headed to my local internet café for a Skype chat. However, this is Cambodia, and expecting to be able to sit down in an internet café and use the internet without any hitches seems to be asking far too much.
The headset wouldn't work, then another set wouldn't work, then I moved computers but the volume was too quiet. It was all too much, and I broke down. I cried until my face went puffy and red, much like a blubbering toddler. The shop assistant was bemused to say the least. He tried to soothe me but without functioning headphones, I was inconsolable. Needless to say, I am writing this from a new internet café I have found. It is a bit more costly, but here I still have a scrap of dignity and you can't put a price on that.
