If a hawker on the street were to holler, "Friends for hire! Friends for hire!", it would seem terribly out of place. In cyberspace though this kind of sale seems perfectly legit, starting with the strictly platonic friendship website www.rentafriend.com that has friends available for rent worldwide.
Take the test: What's your friendship type?
First, the numbers. The website has 417,000 friends, who for a fee, will bound along with you and your chosen activity. Extended shopping sprees; back-to-back movies; yoga classes; hot air balloon rides; marathon phone chats - all covered. Dubai-based Roy for one is available for jaunts like fishing and dog walking, plus baking sessions for tempting measure. On the website, he introduces himself - using only his first name - as "a 32-year-old simple man who would like to have friends and be a good friend".
The reasoning
Did you catch the word ‘fee' mentioned a few breaths ago?
When did friendship become a marketable commodity with its own bar code? Are we so lonely or so inept at connecting to others that we have to hire strangers? Or has technology with its social networking lifeline become the cause of disconnection instead of the obverse?
The website may not holler its wares, but it unwittingly calls attention to itself by its very existence. For $24.95 a month (about Dh92), you can access details of friends' profiles, filtered by your city and interests. At a click, you can rent a friend or get paid to be one, thus disputing the virtue of friendship, and shooting out numerous thorny questions.
Given this, a simplistic explanation may be elusive. As you read on, however, you will find out what led to the creation of such a concept as well as glean psychological and social perspectives that have made it difficult to recognise the universal bond we call friendship.
Scott Rosenbaum, 30, is the man behind www.rentafriend.com. Prior to setting it up in 2009, he spent eight years developing and marketing websites for others. Via email from New Jersey, where he lives with his wife, two kids and a Rottweiler, he explains how the concept came about. "I read an article stating that it was becoming popular in Japan - where family structure is important - to hire individuals to go to parties or official functions as a stand-in for family members. After some research, I saw there was nothing platonic like that here in the States. So I found a gap in the market and filled it," says Rosenbaum.
This gap worked for his personal life too. "I used the site once," he says. "A major morning news show in New York City wanted me to come in for a live interview. It was too close to my wife's due date [their second child]; I hired someone to stand in for me as a representative for Rentafriend.com. He did a great job [for the interview], and has since become a popular friend on the website."
To Rosenbaum's reference to "gap in the market", leading psychologist and expert in personality Dr Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, adds medical and academic weight. He explains via email, "Those who offer ‘friendship services' are simply satisfying a demand. Those who seek it are different from most in three main ways. First, they have little time for socialising so they do it only when they can fit it in their busy diaries. Second, they are more likely to be ‘avoidant', which means they dislike commitment; people with this profile tend to find it difficult to fall in love and tend to prefer superficial relationships. Third, they are more open to new experiences."
The London-based psychologist is a reader at Goldsmiths, University of London; research fellow at University College London (UCL), and visiting professor at New York University (NYU). He frequently acts as a psychological consultant to both government and private sector organisations, and has been the resident psychologist in the past four seasons of the UK show Big Brother.
Of the norms that define friendship, he says, "No two friendships are the same, but there are some universal characteristics: likeability (our friends are rewarding to deal with), affinity (our friends share our core values and interests), and shared history (friendships develop over time via shared experiences and mutual sacrifices)."
He adds, "There are therefore two fundamental functions of friends: (1) to make our lives more enjoyable (increasing pleasure) and (2) to make our lives less dreadful (decreasing pain). The question then is who actually hires a friend? Why are some more tempted by the rent-a-friend service, while most would never contemplate using it? Clearly, people who hire friends are failing to fulfil the basic psychological need that most of us get from our friendships."
Back to the thorny questions that have pricked the very virtue of friendship. Have Rosenbaum and Dr Chamorro-Premuzic offered primers to comprehend the fact that www.rentafriend.com went from a few members to a six-digit figure in less than two years?
The growing appeal
The appeal of the concept was evident in the early days. Within a year, it became a huge success, says Rosenbaum. "The timeline [for Rentafriend.com] is one of the aspects I am most proud of. Three months into the initial design and people were becoming paid members. People even request gift cards. I am constantly advertising and doing interviews… I have no intention of slowing down."
He attributes the website's popularity to its uniqueness. "Dating and escort sites are dime a dozen; I think people are fed up [with these]… At Rentafriend.com you get precisely what you ask for - whether you want someone to go to the movies, dinner, work party or visit an infirmed family member. It is purely a platonic social network. We have zero tolerance for anyone who tries to cross the line; [those who do] are removed from the system and can no longer rejoin."
It would be unfair to pillory Rosenbaum just because he chose to fill the "gap in the market", right? So let's abandon the concept for a while. Instead, let's search for reasons that might explain this gap. To being with, the cultural and social norms that compel some to invest their time in real friendship whereas others their money to hire it.
To illustrate how norms affect the way we bond, Dr Chamorro-Premuzic uses examples of Japan and the US. He says, "People [in these countries] have fewer holidays than anywhere else in the world. If you focus too much on your career, you end up neglecting your friends; you [would] rather sell your time for money than exchange it for friendship. The fact that the [www.rentafriend.com] service is growing in the US and Japan shows that it is equally compatible [at societal and individual levels]."
Now let's narrow the focus to an individualistic level. To understand this so-called gap, let's redirect it towards our own habits and proclivities - as well as our dependence on and fascination - towards interest-based clubs and forums. Think book clubs, food groups, acting guilds, etc. Could we ascribe the growing appeal of www.rentafriend.com to this need?
After all, these interests exist regardless of whether we have friends. To present a cogent case, say despite a healthy friends circle, not a single one shares your arcane interest in palaeontology (study of prehistoric life). So you rent a friend, who shares your interest, visiting ruins and museums together. Then, would the need be considered normal?
Rosenbaum reasons, "Do I find it normal that people would use Rentafriend.com to hire friends? What is normal? I think it is great that people are meeting and having a good time. And I love that I've been the facilitator of this!"
Dr Chamorro-Premuzic counters this view, saying, "People will always value friendship, but putting a price tag to it is something unnatural because we all think of friendships in a romantic, non-materialistic way. Ultimately, friendship is an emotion we feel towards a few chosen individuals and you cannot force that feeling with money."
The most shocking and perhaps even pitiful fact still remains - a website has exposed our venal human nature, one which won't scruple to pay to become someone's friend.
The ramifications
What are we to make of this cultural and social phenomenon, and its effect on the way we communicate and connect? According to Dr Chamorro-Premuzic, the shift in communication has already occurred, terming it more than a shift.
He says, "It is a revolution. Digital social networks [facebook, twitter, Myspace, etc] have eclipsed traditional interpersonal relations. Although it is easy to believe that technology has trivialised friendships, it has had the exact opposite effect - technology has highlighted just how important interpersonal relations are. The prime digital currency is no longer information, but people - who you know is more important than what you know. The person who hires a friend is no different from the person who has 1,000 ‘friends' on facebook - they both productise friendships, says Chamorro-Premuzic.
Based on the psychologist's analysis, we could deduce that the thorny issues aren't offshoots of a mere website. Rather the website had purposefully drawn attention to the changing value we place on friendship.
"Every friendship teaches you something you didn't know about yourself," says Dr Chamorro-Premuzic. "Every person is different, and each friendship is unique, but we all see the same qualities in our friends - reliable, caring, and fun. A friend has the power to make you do unselfish things, without requesting it. Friendship is ultimately about love, and love is ultimately about our inability to be happy unless we can also make someone else happy. This is why a hired friend is unlikely to be a real friend…"
Having read both Rosenbaum and Dr Chamorro-Premuzic's points of view, would you sign up or accept the services offered by www.rentafriend? I wouldn't know your answer, but I know what the psychologist replied, "Yes, only for research purposes."
How does www.rentafriend.com work?
Once you choose where (the location) you are looking to find a new friend, you will see available friends in that area. You can view their photos, read their profiles and see what they are interested in for free. If you would like to contact a friend, you must register to become a member by paying a small membership fee. The friends and members can then discuss what rate will be set for each meeting.
