I step on the escalator leading to the reception of Stargate and think about how I am going to play my role. I look around, dazed at the sheer capaciousness and scope of its interiors.
If I am to write about this place, I will have to operate incognito. I look for signboards. I spot a few, but each one is rather misleading, with names like Mars, UFO and Saturn. What am I to make of these?
A map with annotations and directions is just the thing I need. I ask the lady at the reception. There isn't one, I find out. This isn't a good sign. My map reading skills are execrable, and without directions I could be walking around in circles, er orbits, and quite literally in this discoid structure.
"The UFO dome is the busiest," says the smiling lady in the uniform. "Why don't you go there first?"
Mm-hmm. ‘And what is the UFO dome famous for?' I want to ask. But I don't. Instead I let my imagination take celestial flight. Maybe there are dressed up Martians. But wait, Mars is for that.
I tootle along, lured by the euphonious laughter reverberating through the hi-tech corridors. I can't help but feel like one of the children lured by the song of the Pied Piper. I follow the chords of giggles, screams, roars, shrieks and chuckles. (My story will turn out differently from that of the Pied Piper, I promise.)
I want to get my role right. Buoyed up by the spirit of the place and my undercover journalistic mission, I search for friendly visitors. I want people to tell me if they like the place and why. I want them to talk to me as a fellow visitor not a journalist. I have to establish veracity against that volley of hype about Stargate.
I need to find honest answers.
The rocket launcher episode
I find two four- and six-year-olds in the soft play area. Surely I can't get more unadulterated honesty than from these young boys. The older one, Benjamin Goethe, fills up the rocket launcher with soft balls.
"Yeah!" he yells, pressing a button that sends hundreds of balls in the air before gravity takes over. The explosion is dissonance to my ears, probably because I stopped enjoying such pursuits several decades ago.
Perhaps I spoke too soon. The next thing I know I am throwing balls at Oliver Goethe, Benjamin's younger brother. In return, I get hit by the deadly ammunition - the soft-coloured balls. I hunker down and use my arms as a body shield. A riot of unfettered laughter follows. Their mum, Brit Goethe, tries to dissemble her amusement. And fails.
Later I learn that she is on a visit to Dubai with the boys. She lives in London where she works as a property consultant and interior designer. Today her husband Roald is at work.
"It's hard to find a place where both boys can play together. There are many activities with height restrictions that work for Benjamin, but not for Oliver," she says.
Brit is an energetic mum. Before I arrived she was the wilful target. Mum and boys visit Dubai every year. Usually their visit includes trips to Dubai Creek Park, Wild Wadi and this year Sega Republic. It is a tough job to keep the lads entertained.
A trip to Disneyland Paris was an earnest attempt last month. Stargate is different, but the boys have spent several hours watching a 3-D film, ice-skating and painting in the art area.
And here they are - their energy levels still steady, no rollercoaster dips as yet.
I exit Mars. Yup, that's where the soft play area is located. I didn't see any Martians. Or did I?
The freezing temperature
I want to restore some semblance of professionalism, so I smoothen my already short crop and my clothes. I see a cluster of icicles, tempting me to step into the Lunar dome. And what do you know? I find an ice rink.
I spot Shaheer Sharif, 7. He is the only one showing off his moves in the rink. His brother, Saabiq Sharif, 12, watches him quietly. He is a tad impatient because he wants to try go-karting.
Their parents are in the nearby seating area, taking a well-needed break. They are visiting Dubai from Saudi Arabia where they live. The Indian family has been at Stargate for more than three hours.
"Ice skating is Shaheer's favourite activity," says their father Mohammad Saeed. The boys' mum, Samina Parveen, nods gently in agreement.
The boys watched the 3D animation Fly Me To The Moon before they, quite ironically, landed at the Lunar dome. "I learnt about Neil Armstrong," says Shaheer, adding, "But I knew that before."
Their father believes the best way to teach a child is through the experiences of travelling and playing. "Education should be fun," he says.
From what I see, the boys are enjoying themselves.
The pack at the rollercoaster
I make my way to the Earth dome. There is a rollercoaster here, I suspect. And if there is one, there are going to be children screaming.
I spot Canadian Jamil Farid-Malthe, 9. He looks like the leader of the pack. His younger sister Sophia, 7, looks equally capable. While their kid sister Ava, 5, disregards their aspirations of a totem pole hierarchy with a disarming look of wonderment.
Jamil and pack are here for the first time. He is the most animated and voluble of the lot. He has good reason too. He plans to celebrate his birthday at one of Stargate's party halls and is checking out the potential rides.
Their paternal aunt, Mona, can barely rein in their excitement.
Jamil hollers, "We've had hot dogs! We went ice-skating and tried the go-karts too! The food court is freezing!"
Their aunt smiles apologetically. "They are usually not like this, and they visit many entertainment centres like Al Nasr Leisureland [Jamil plays hockey there], Dubai Dolphinarium, Magic Planet, and several arcades at Mercato Mall, Mall of the Emirates, etc."
Jamil interjects in a lilting tone. "This place is like Science World in Vancouver."
The Farid-Malthe family's collective excitement is competing with my energy levels. I have spent a few hours in this invisible human journalist role and I am ready to quit, meet the chief marketing officer of Stargate Ramy Nuseibeh for the real interview and go home.
On my way I catch sight of two Russian families held to ransom by two-year-old Khawoolah, a stubborn girl in pigtails who refuses to move away from one of the video game stations on the Fun Track (a circular lane of video games that covers the ambit of the five domes).
The adults, friends Julia Jessel and Eldina Groves, try to convince the toddler to move on. Meanwhile, the oldest kid in the group, Amir, 7, sees an opportunity to sneak away with his skateboard.
Jessel and Eldina crumble to Khawoolah's baby demands. They are a tad embarrassed by my presence. By way of apology they say Khawoolah is a friend's daughter. "Her mother Asel is at the park [Zabeel Park] where we were having a barbecue," says Jessel, three-year-old Erica's mother.
The families are visiting Stargate because they heard everybody talking about this "new centre".
"We come to Zabeel Park very often and saw Stargate being built. We couldn't wait," says Jessel.
And a trip to Stargate seemed like a good idea to round off their park outing.
I want to round off mine too. The walkathon has given me a better understanding of the layout. So I trot off in search of Nuseibeh.
The answers to my questions
When I find him, he asks me, "Did someone give you a tour?"
I reply, "No, but I had a better time discovering the place for myself. Although I got a bit lost because of insufficient signboards." Nuseibeh nods, "You are absolutely right. The original signage company abandoned the project due to the economic downturn. We are currently redesigning the whole system from scratch. Everything will be up-and-running when we launch officially in December."
I have to vocalise my mental notes. First I tell him I've had a super time, and that I'm tired after barely four hours. Then I say that I am a bit concerned about the purported edutainment concept and that Mohammad Saeed just a while ago had commented on how it all needed beefing up.
"We are in the soft launch phase. At the moment a few edutainment areas are operational, including the Saturn dome with its educational movies and art area," he says.
It turns out that by December there will be three storytelling majlis areas; a driving school at the go-karting area in the UFO dome to teach children safe driving; a classroom at the Earth dome to teach children the physics behind rollercoasters; parent-child programmes; and activities for children with special needs.
"But perhaps the most important aspect is the investment in training our personnel," he says. "They are trained in child development. We also conduct spirit building exercises so that staff members come across as friendly and professional."
Nuseibeh's boys - Kareem, 8, and Amin, 6 - are a testimony to Stargate's popularity. They don't have any sort of privileged access, but that doesn't deter them from asking their father whether they can play for a few hours at Stargate before heading home from school.
The boys, I learn, take immense pride in their father's workplace, and it's easy to see why. Stargate, as a business model, is a unique concept. It works well due to its location (Zabeel Park) and its multiple offerings under one very, very large roof. The place allows around 6,000 children to enjoy themselves at any given time.
Heck, even I managed to have a good time, notwithstanding my role as an invisible human journalist.
