Ever had a person stand so close and talk to you that you can actually smell the fragrance of their shampoo or the gum they are chewing? Or has a friend ever struck up a conversation in a public restroom, while you are still busy in the cubicle? Every time someone tries to break into that little bubble we carry around us - our personal space - an alarm goes off inside our head. But how much of our reaction has to do with cultural and individual differences? Is our personal space truly being invaded? This week Gulf News readers talk about how to set the right boundaries, and what to do when they are breached.
14:00 Gulf News: How many of you have had an experience where a friend/colleague invaded your personal space? Or have you ever been told that you invaded someone’s personal space?
14:04 Hilary Barreto: I do feel embarrassed when I shop with my wife in the lingerie store where mostly women are around. [I don’t invade their personal space] by my standards, but I can see some women feel uncomfortable.
14:06 Rahil Khan: It is true that every individual has their own boundaries, and it could be measured only when that comfort zone is violated, which sometimes happens unintentionally. It is not the question of [whether it is a] woman or a man, it is just as important for both genders.
14:13 Mathew Litty: [Sometimes] the person standing behind me tries to get as close as possible, not to me but to the [cash] counter. I get irritated when they [get too close] and end up brushing themselves against me.
14:13 Gulf News: And does it have to do with a person’s cultural background?
14:14 Jessin James: Every individual has got a framework [of values] built by the family depending on their background, when the do’s and don’ts are inculcated.
14:14 Hilary Barreto: I guess it is different with men and women; women naturally get offended.
14:14 Gulf News: Do you think some people use personal space as a tool for social discrimination?
14:16 Rahil Khan: Yes, some individuals do this for personal benefit.
14:18 Jessin James: It [happens] when you form a group in school, if we have a best friend who is in the same group for example.
14:19 Hilary Barreto: I think everyone has a right to do that ... I do it myself.
14:20 Mathew Litty: I have seen a lot of groups from one community or country together, for example at work when you are together with a particular group or community all the time.
14:20 Rahil Khan: Usually these ‘invisible circles’ are being avoided or maintained by individuals to keep themselves in or out of the mainstream in their personal and professional worlds.
14:21 Hilary Barreto: It is not really social discrimination but rather a question of comfort.
14:21 Rahil Khan: Mr. Hillary, but not for the sake of [personal] benefits or for their self-made doctrines.
14:21 Mathew Litty: Why be separate? Shouldn’t we get along with everyone rather than being selective and saying: “Oh, I will remain with this community because I feel comfortable.”
14:22 Gulf News: Would you agree with Mr Khan, that allowing people into one’s personal space often has to do with an ulterior motives?
14:23 Hilary Barreto: I want to make it clear that I do not choose people from my community.
14:24 Jessin James: I would only trust my family members and my best friends who share the same thoughts.
14:25 Gulf News: Some might argue that maintaining a lot of personal space is detrimental to creativity and efficiency at work.
14:27 Rahil Khan: Rather, it helps an individual as [they] could concentrate on their work and show their potential, which is solely theirs.
14:28 Gulf News: But that goes against the spirit of team work, doesn’t it?
14:28 Hilary Barreto: I work with Indians, Filipinos and Arabs and we are one big happy family … no place for personal space.
14:28 Rahil Khan: In the corporate world personal boundaries count but to a certain point so that personal or professional priorities do not suffer.
14:29 Patricia Formentera: In my opinion, be it corporate or any other environment, one should be given personal space.
14:30 Mathew Litty: If you say that a work place is like a family working together, since we spend [so much] time at work, then I guess there should be more chance of [giving] personal space.
14:32 Hilary Barreto: We are all educated adults and should be able to distinguish invasion [of personal space] from fondness or familiarity. We should be concerned when encroachment has sexual overtones or hygiene issues.
14:35 Patricia Formentera: Especially for a woman, it is not easy when someone is invading your space. I had worked in various offices before and there are still some colleagues who act in a way that I find awkward.
14:38 Gulf News: Is it simply because you are from a different culture and what is normal for them may not be normal social behvaiour for you?
14:40 Hilary Barreto: Some nationalities are quite liberal, and rightly so, and may think their actions are naturally acceptable.
14:40 Mathew Litty: I have a boss who comes and pats me all the time on the back. Does that mean we both are from a different culture? He jokes around making the office alive and moving.
14:40 Rahil Khan: This personal space shows the need for individual privacy and freedom from unwanted violations from others. Usually individuals are uncomfortable when approached at a distance they feel is too close, sometimes due to their individual principles set in the light of their culture.
14:41 Gulf News: Do some people actually use ‘personal space’ as an excuse for being antisocial?
14:41 Patricia Formentera: Not all people are the same, so I guess it is better if you can get to know a person properly before getting into their ‘bubble’.
14:43 Gulf News: Were any of you ever categorised as ‘antisocial’ because you told a person to not get too close physically/personally?
14:43 Patricia Formentera: No. As an individual, you can’t just tap someone and giggle with a person, even if it is your colleague, because some might find it offensive.
14:44 Mathew Litty: Yes, I agree with Patricia. You need to know the person properly even at work. Once you get to know them and vice versa I do not think they would move back as they know you.
