A problem clearly stated is a problem half-solved, and for Dubai-based life coach Lisa Laws, calling the problem ‘phone separation anxiety’ was part of the problem.
“It’s interesting that they are labelling it as anxiety when it really is an addiction. It is the same as any other addiction — when you leave something you’re addicted to, you have cravings, you feel bad and your mind tells you that it’s okay to be around the thing you are addicted to,” she told Gulf News.
Laws felt that people were using mobile phones quite like how children used pacifiers.
“Have you noticed? Whenever an uncomfortable feeling or an awkward situation comes up, we check our phones. We are getting a dopamine firing, it makes us feel good. We don’t know how to be with our feelings, hence it is also affecting our cognitive ability,” she said.
And the negative effect doesn’t just end there.
“It is a barrier to being intimate and open and vulnerable and fully present with the people that we’re with. Instead, we get that reassurance with social media when we check who has liked our picture or post — we’re okay, we’re liked. It’s the same for little babies. When mummy picks him up, there is a release of dopamine and oxytocin, which makes him feel better. So, the question is: do we want to be grown-ups requiring random people liking our posts to feel okay or do we want to live in the world that we’re actually in and limit our social media?”
So, now that the problem has been clearly laid out, what next?
Laws said: “Make a realistic plan, ask yourself: ‘How often do I need to check my email or Whatsapp or iMessage? Do I have to answer immediately, every time the notification lights blink? What would happen to the world and me if I didn’t?’”
A simple tip to follow would be to put your phone on silent and check it every 30 minutes to begin with. Set a time that realistically works for you.
“If you set baby steps, it becomes a detox and it gets easier and easier over time. We’re only going to do that detox when we see there’s a good reason to do it,” Laws said.
One good reason, according to her, was the danger in which people put themselves and others, when checking their phones while driving. Another was the inability to truly engage in an activity because part of your mind was constantly waiting for that message to come in so that you could answer it immediately.
“Right now, we are a nation of people who give our partial continual attention to things. We have lost the ability to fully engage. When you are fully engaged, you are lost in whatever you’re doing. You feel really happy and you are not even aware because you are so focused. That’s a state of meditation and we can’t get that when we’re constantly distracted. So we miss out on some powerful aspects of life,” Laws said.
