Seldom do we come across real juicy piece of news that entertains most people, but stirs imagination of some like me. The other day, we read how thieves “stole” seven she-buffaloes from the farm house of a powerful Uttar Pradesh minister. The burglars, I must say, were quite intelligent. They chose to steal them in the night when the colour of their hide easily mingled with the darkness of the night.
It is not known whether or not the poachers had taken off the bells and anklets that these creatures are often made to wear as a safeguard against their poaching! I hear that the cattle did not put up any resistance when being lifted. Unconfirmed reports said they did not let out any “mooooo ...” in protest even once. They quietly tiptoed behind the thieves. By their natural instinct, pets would happily follow anybody who offers them good food, in this case good fodder.
As could be expected, the entire police machinery swung into action in top gear to recover the seven buffaloes at the earliest because they belonged to the all-powerful minister. For the police, other things could wait. Buffalo recovery was to take precedence over investigation of serious criminal cases. And they accomplished the job in a record 36 hours. All the seven quadrupeds were recovered. Of course, ‘operation buffalo’ involved lot of effort. The dog squad was deployed and hoove marks were analysed to find out the direction of their nocturnal movement. All this was conveyed to the media officially, but there were certain unknown sidelights that I was able to dig out. Soon after the theft was detected, the manager of the VIP farm house, who had lost his sleep, went to the ‘thana’ (police station) to lodge a formal complaint without disclosing his own and the animals’ VIP connection.
The dialogue that took place was as follows:
Police: So your buffaloes, numbering not one or two but seven, have been stolen. Wonderful! What do you think we are here for?
Manager: For taking down complaints from people like us.
Police: Oho. Smart man indeed! It is good to be educated by people like you. Okay. Tell me about them. What did they look like?
Manager: They looked exactly like ‘bhains’ (buffaloes).
Police: Their complexion?
Manager: Don’t you know that all ‘bhains’ are of dark black colour?
Police: No. Some of them have shades of brown and some are albinos. Don’t waste our time. Be specific. Describe your buffaloes.
Manager: All of them were jet black. A few of them had curled up horns, a few had curved ones.
Police: What were their names?
Manager: Oh. Yeah. Note down. Radha, Shyamala, Kasturi, Kailaso, Kalawati, Sundari and Jaggo.
Police: Their father’s name?
Manager: Not known.
Police: This won’t do. The police has to complete the formalities. We have to say, “Daughter of so and so ...”
Manager: They were all illegitimate.
Police: Okay. We will do our best to find them out. Come after a month. You know recovering these huge animals is no joke.
Manager: These cattle belong to my sahib (master) who is a powerful minister in Uttar Pradesh.
Police: Oh my God! Why didn’t you say that earlier? Sir, don’t worry. Relax. Go home assured. I will call you up myself.
And so, 36 hours later, all the seven animals were recovered. They were all herded into the police lock-up labelled as “recovered property”, along with three arrested cattle lifters. As the lockups are meant for humans, it was a unique experience for the giant quadrupeds. The fact of facing lathi-wielding policemen sent shivers down the spine of even those heavyweights. Their eyes virtually popped out of the sockets out of fear whenever some cop came near them. A few kept moaning. They wetted the place. Two fearful ones released a load of dung.
As the news about the VIP buffaloes spread, scores of media persons and photo journalists converged at the police station. Facing cameramen and flashlights was another unique experience for them. The black beauties were awe-struck on seeing the hullabaloo.
A few looked into the camera lens, others just shied away. One turned its posterior towards a photo journalist with a potent threat. The cameraman quickly stepped back.
Journalists got a good copy and the VIP his precious quadrupeds with some wondering whether the entire “recovered material” was original or the police had substituted a few to save their skin!
Lalit Raizada is a journalist based in India.
