As exam fever grips students in India, my sympathies lie with their parents.
It is a stressful time for them and they will do anything in their power to make the whole experience as easy as possible for their children. This might mean sleepless nights as they first study the course material.
As they go through this, they realise they are completely out of touch. This bears no resemblance whatsoever to what they studied in school. The discovery only makes them feel even more sorry for their young ones. If they can’t make sense of this, how can they expect young brains to absorb this vast sea of knowledge?
With board exams having started, there is palpable tension in the air in many houses. Life, apart from preparation for the all-important tests ahead, comes to a halt. All entertainment is cut out and, although this is the cricket season, the TV will remain switched off. There should be no distractions.
Looking back, I cannot ever remember being the focus of the household just before an exam, however important it may have been. Life went on as usual and the only concession made was freedom from chores. You had to put in the effort and, if there was any slacking off, you were reminded about the importance of doing well.
There are several reasons for this change. Firstly, families with only one child were not the norm. So, it was well nigh impossible for parents to give all their children so much attention. Studies were considered the responsibility of the child and performance and achievement went hand in hand. We knew we had to do well and show the adults that all their sacrifices weren’t in vain.
Nowadays, parents are much more hands-on and dealing with just one kid makes things easier. It’s a delicate balancing act, however, if you don’t want the child to grow up feeling that the world revolves around him or her.
Secondly, syllabi have changed over the years and much of this is unfamiliar to parents. So, they resort to engaging tutors for a range of subjects, which takes up the better part of the day. The schedule can be exhausting as I gleaned from a recent trip back home. The girl in question was in middle school but her parent had enrolled her in a host of extra-curricular classes as well as tuition in several subjects. Every day was a whirlwind of activity, dropping off and picking up the girl and keeping tabs on where she went when. The weekend was no exception. During a breather, I asked the girl if she enjoyed the things she was doing. Her answer was noncommittal, with her gaze resting on her mother.
The weight of expectation can be crushing. The adult wants the child to have all the opportunities that she might have missed out on, while the child feels obliged to acquiesce in the greater interest of peace at home.
An ideal solution would be a happy medium between how things were in the past and what is it is like in the present. But it is not easy to strike the right balance.
Someone sent me this on WhatApp and it struck a chord. “Dear mother-in-law, please don’t tell me how to handle my children. I have one of yours and he certainly needs improvement”.
It’s not a question of what’s right or what’s wrong. It’s doing what suits you best. What is important to remember is that the child’s best interests must always be kept in mind.
Do not impose your dreams on them as these might be their idea of a nightmare.
Just love them for who they are and let them learn from their mistakes.
