Eventually, we all become victims of overkill. Of one kind or another. Of work and the workplace. Stress leave is abnormally high among police officers. So, too, among teachers. Imagine a teacher walking into a classroom peopled by 30 or so apathetic, disengaged, distracted pupils every single morning. She wants to teach the basics of calculus; they want to calculate the shortest route to the door and freedom outside where they can discuss hairstyles, hair extensions, shredded jeans, the coolest DJ on the scene, the looming weekend party and the rapidity with which it can all be arranged via a simple application on their phones. How long does it take motivation to flee out the back door?
Then there’s the television. If I see another re-run of The Shawshank Redemption listed on the programme guide I think I shall do something that I haven’t done ever, although I did come close the other day, which is to scream. Sometimes, it’s not just the re-runs but the repeated message.
Documentaries on Aussie wildlife are keen to show how many dangerous animals reside there. The news reports every shark attack — as it must, of course. But it leaves some with the impression that the waters are shark infested.
Then there are the crocodiles that unwittingly play their part when it comes to scaremongering. Miles of film have been shot on these dangerous creatures.
And if it isn’t the sharks and the crocodiles, Australia has some of the most deadly snakes in the world: The Eastern Brown snake, the Western Brown snake, the Mainland Tiger, the Inland Taipan, the Coastal Taipan, the Mulga, the Lowlands Copperhead, the Small-Eyed Snake, the Common Death Adder and the Red Bellied Black snake — ten of the most dangerous!
With this focus on the ‘deadly’, via videos, documentaries, brochures, visitors can be forgiven for missing the more benign charm of Australian wildlife. We know, too, that in nature, big doesn’t necessarily mean deadly.
The huntsman is a family of spiders so called for their swiftness and method of hunting. They are big and do not usually build webs, but hunt and forage for food. They are generally considered good for balancing the local ecology because they eat other pesky insects such as cockroaches and their bite is mild. The daddy long legs spider which belongs to a group of tangle-web spiders, is thin and skinny, and such a common sight in Aussie homes that they can often be viewed as part of the furniture. Two of the spiders we are advised to beware of at all time are the Redback spider and the Funnel Web. Interestingly, the mild, emaciated looking daddy long legs is known to be able to kill and eat a Redback, which is smaller in size but deadlier in bite.
I have, on two occasions, come close to flicking a teeny spider with my fingers out the window until on closely peering I detected the red marking on its back whereupon the flick evolved into a thwack with a rolled up newspaper!
The other day was an aberration, weather-wise. It was a day for wide-open windows so that every possible air stream may be invited in. In the night, I turned down the bed cover — a predominantly black quilt cover — and slipped into bed. As I did so I thought I detected something move, in the dim bedroom light, right on the coverlet; only it was so wonderfully camouflaged I failed to see it for two whole minutes — during which time I wondered if I was imagining things. Then it moved again on all eight legs, bright, glossy. It was like rehearsing for a remake of Dr. No, where Sean Connery wakes to find a tarantula in his bed. Only this was a funnel web. There’s no telling which part of me it would have left paralysed had I not got it first.
That’s when a scream nearly materialised, but I’m saving it now for Shawshank.
Kevin Martin is a journalist based in Sydney, Australia.
